Don Callis and Josh Mathews welcome fans to another edition of Impact Wrestling. The first match of the night is announced. Impact is kicking it old school with an ECW style match!
Rob Van Dam vs Rhino
Van Dam fires off some kicks at Rhino, who responds by ripping his head off with a clothesline. They go to the outside, where Rhino suplexes Van Dam onto the ring apron. Rhino uses a non-folding chair with a steel frame to massage RVD‘s abdomen, but Van Dam dodges a clothesline, and Rhino connects with the post instead. RVD with a somersault senton off the apron that almost connects, but Rhino is nice enough to sell anyway. RVD makes out with Katie Forbes, then we head back into the ring where RVD connects with a spinkick to the face, then more making out. RVD with a spinning legdrop for 2, but Rhino gets ahold of a mop and chokes RVD with it. Rhino chokes Van Dam with a chair, then puts it over RVD’s prone form and tries a vertical drop, but RVD turns the chair sideways, and…well, I’m sure you can figure out how that went. RVD tries a sunset flip, but Rhino catches him and powerbombs him onto the chair. RVD catapults Rhino into the bottom rope, then slingshots over the top rope with a guillotine legdrop on the apron. RVD wedges a trash can in the corner, Rhino stands a table up in the corner and gores RVD through it. Katie Forbes pulls Rhino off of RVD at 2, then clotheslines Tommy Dreamer when he tries to intervene. RVD takes Rhino out with a clothesline, zips up to the top rope, and hits the five star frogsplash for the win.
Winner: Rob Van Dam
Good brawl to open the show. Tommy comes into the ring to raise RVD’s hand, and ends up getting laid out as a result. So much for well-meaning.
We go to the oVe Cam where Sami Callihan mocks the fans for liking the internet, and says the Crists are winning the Tag Team Open because it’s about time they get another shot at the tag title. Sami also has a message for Tessa Blanchard: she’s going one on one with Madman Fulton, and he’ll do whatever he wants to make sure she never even makes it to Hard To Kill. Tonight, he’s in a dream match with the World’s Most Dangerous Man, and he respects Ken Shamrock, but he’s not the guy he used to be no matter what kind of shape he’s in, and there’s no way a 55 year old guy has any business in the ring with him tonight. He’s going to tap him out and break his ankle because he hurts people, and oVe is taking over EVERYTHING.
Josh and Don talk about stuff, then we head back to the ring…
Moose vs Acey Romero
Romero kind of looks like a miniature Akebono. Acey runs Moose over with a shoulderblock, but Moose kips up and slaps Romero, who proceeds to unload with hard shots before Beell tossing Moose across the ring. Romero with a corner splash and another Beell toss, and Moose heads out to the floor to break the momentum. Romero goes for a dive, but Moose connects with a forearm as he comes through. Romero recovers and hits a dive on the second attempt as we go to commercial.
We’re back as we saw that Moose ran Romero into the post during the break, and he is now FIRMLY…in control. Moose goes for a vertical suplex, but even Atlas has his limits. Romero keeps a low center of gravity, so Moose bites his skull instead and goes for the suplex again, only to easily be reversed by Romero. Romero with a series of chops and a running crossbody block, and THAT turned the tide. Romero with a spinebuster for 2, but Moose with a pair of corner dropkicks. Romero counters an attempt at a third with a big boot to the face, then Romero goes to the second rope and…Moose counters to Go To Hell for 2. They trade shots in the middle of the ring, Moose goes to the eyes, Romero with a couple of hard shots, and Romero pounces Moose into next week. Romero turns Moose inside out with a hard clothesline for 2. Moose dodges a corner charge and hits the spear for the win.
Winner: Moose
Hell of a hard-hitting match, and great debut for Romero.
We see Jim Mitchell with Susie, and is showing her around his evil domain when she wanders off. He tells her that is not cool because he is trying to keep her safe. She touches a noose and has a flashback to being evil Su Yung. Jim says he is the only one she can trust here.
Interview Lady is backstage with Michael Elgin, who says Impact management has put one roadblock after another in his path and he’s smashed through them all. At Hard To Kill, if Eddie is a man, he’ll put his trophy on the line, and he’ll show everyone that Eddie is not that Hard To Kill.
Raj Singh vs Fallah Bahh
They start brawling right off the bell, Bahh lucha rolls over him, and he hits a belly to belly suplex. Raj escapes a fireman’s carry and hits a Flatliner, then dropkicks Bahh’s knee out and hits a senton for 2. Raj with a back suplex for 2. Bahh fires up and hammers Raj with Mongolian chops, then hits a crossbody for 2. Guess nobody told Acey Romero not to steal his spot. Bahh with a chop and sits Raj on the top rope, but Gama Singh distracts the ref so Rohit Raju can interfere. Bahh throws Raju into Raj, who tumbles off the top rope and into the corner where Bahh hits a corner avalanche, followed by a Banzai Drop for the win.
Winner: Fallah Bahh
Rohit Raju runs in and jumps Bahh, leading to a 2-on-1 attack. TJ Perkins runs in to make the save and clears out the Babalu Boyz.
Joey Ryan is approached backstage and informed that Impact Management wants to talk to him about his contract. He finds Impact Management in the men’s room, steps inside, andis confronted by Tommy Dreamer, who says he’s been summoned to WRESTLERS’ COURT.
We’re back, and Wrestlers’ Court is being introduced with the People’s Court theme, and he is told he is accused of breaking kayfabe, exposing the business, and flipping people with his dick. Johnny Swinger is the plaintiff, and is suing Joey for 2 pay envelopes and a bottle of pizzills. Joey says this is ridiculous, and asks if he at least gets an attorney. Tommy reads some documents about a Joseph Park, Esq, but says he’s dead to us, so the answer is no. Tommy suggests moving this somewhere more spacious, and we’re out in the hallway because they have that AXS money now. Johnny calls D-Lorian Brown to testify, and he is sworn in on the PWI 500 because it is GOSPEL. D-Lorian says the time-honored tradition of Wrestlers’ Court still exists here where it’s not an HR violation, and they can condemn those who have besmirched the industry they love. Next up to testify is Madison Rayne, who as the locker room leader, has witnessed the moral erosion of this locker room since Joey has been here. Bob Evans is next, and he says that back in his day, the penis was a stretcher job. Kiera Hogan cries over the mustache, and Tommy dismisses her and says to tell her dad hello, BROTHER. Gama Singh says, after 300 years in the business, he has just one thing to say to Joey. He gets a collar and elbow tie up with him before they are separated, and someone I don’t recognize gets dragged out for some reason. Joey now has time for his closing comments, and he says he’s had his name dragged through the mud for years now, and he’s been told by guys with tennis rackets that he couldn’t hack it in their day, but he’s glad he wasn’t in that era because he sees guys in bad gear taking themselves way too seriously, and throwing really bad looking punches. He just wishes people would keep an open mind, that the good old days weren’t so good, and maybe he’s not the reason for all the problems. Swinger says b*****it, and Dreamer judges him guilty. Joey has been found guilty of high crimes against the business, and from a man who did a stretcher job because of his penis, he sentences Joey Ryan next week to face Acey Romero. Court adjourned. Johnny calls that sweet Sid Justice, and he wants his pizzills back. Joey says he can’t believe he signed with this company. I have no words.
The Rascalz vs Rich Swann & Willie Mack vs Reno Scum vs Jake & Dave Crist
Well, take your typical X Division spotfest, make it a tag match, and that’s what you get in this match. I dig Jake’s Billy Idol look he’s sporting these days, though. They take turns hitting spots in the ring, then they take turns hitting dives to the floor, and Willie seems to have hurt his knee doing his dive. The doctor checks on him and determines that he won’t be able to continue, and we hit the commercial to get stuff under control.
We’re back, and now everyone is taking turns hitting high-impact spots. Rich Swann fights for his life against both Crists, and catches Dave with a victory roll for the win.
Winners: Rich Swann & Willie Mack
So Willie gets hurt and is taken out, then Swann wins without needing him, all a week after Mack was told Swann is the real star on the team. I think we all know where this is going. The North is watching from the balcony and Josh wants to hit the ring right now, but Page says not yet, he has a plan.
Interview Lady is backstage with Taya Valkyrie, who says everyone is trying to get in her space, and says Jordynne got involved in her match last week, and now this is a three way, which makes Jordynne’s chances worse. Taya says ODB thinks this is going to be a fairy tale, but she is the one with the power, and she’ll prove it at Hard to Kill.
The Impact Plus Flashback takes us back to Gail Kim, Brooke Tessmacher, and ODB in a three way from years ago.
Jimmy Jacobs is with Brian Cage, and asks him about everything with Sami Callihan and his family, losing the title, and everything else, and asks how he’s handling it. Cage says he got his moment in the sun at Bound For Glory, but it was all downhill from there, and you can’t win them all, but Tessa Blanchard is the #1 contender and he doesn’t take anything away from her. He’ll be waiting for whoever walks out of Hard To Kill with the Impact World Title. He went through the X Division and the rest of the roster on his way to the top, and he’s happy to do it again. He rattles off half a dozen names, and suddenly RVD and Katie Forbes come in and start making out on the couch the interview is happening on. Cage takes exception to the interruption and tells RVD to get lost, and RVD asks Cage if he’s ever heard of anger management. RVD just wants to say that Cage stole a lot of RVD moves, but when he got beat by a girl, that was his own deal.
Ken Shamrock is backstage, and he’s…SHADOW BOXING! He faces Sami Callihan tonight!
Tessa Blanchard vs Madman Fulton
Tessa slaps Fulton a few times, so he backs her into the corner, ragdolls her into the turnbuckle a few times, then just tosses her across the ring and stomps her a bunch. Fulton goes to the top rope, grabs Tessa’s arms, and yanks her up into the bottom turnbuckle, then comes off the top with a stomp to her ribs. Yikes. Fulton goes for a powerbomb, she fiths her way out and slingshots off the top rope to sunset flip Fulton. Tessa dropkicks Fulton to the floor, connects with a baseball slide, and a dive drives him into the rail, but not down just yet. Tessa goes to the second rope for another dive, Fulton catches her, and he press slams her through the ropes into the ring. Tessa with a tornado DDT and then goes up top for Magnum, but Jake Crist runs out to shove Tessa off the top rope.
Winner by DQ: Tessa Blanchard
The Crists hit a double team Ace Crusher, then toss her to Fulton for a chokeslam. They’re interrupted by Ken Shamrock, who comes out and lays out the Crists before going face-to-face with Fulton. Fulton yells “COME ON, OLD MAN!” at shamrock, who proceeds to come on and clothesline Fulton to the floor. Now Sami Callihan makes his entrance, and holds Fulton back from attacking Shamrock, sending him to the back instead. They’ll face off after this final commercial break.
We’re back, and…IT’S MAIN EVENT TIME!
Impact Champion Sami Callihan vs Ken Shamrock
Sami seems hesitant to get too close to Shamrock, and spits in his face instead. Shamrock responds by dropping Sami with a kick to the jaw, then unloads with a flurry of punches and kneestrikes. Sami rolls out to the floor to break the momentum, and cheapshots Shamrock when he comes out to the floor. Shamrock no-sells a chop, so Sami tells Shamrock to give him all he’s got, and Shamrock rattles him again with a hard right hand and more kicks. Sami spits on his hand and lets it drip on his own face before hitting a running chop, then headbutting Shamrock. Sami with another hard chop, and Shamrock doesn’t register any pain, so Sami rams him head first into the timekeeper’s table, but then he charges right into a clothesline from Shamrock, who follows up with another kick to the head. They head back into the ring where Sami hits a Samoan drop for 2. Sami has more fun with spitting, then charges right into a powerslam from Shamrock. Shamrock charges Sami, who pulls the ref in front, then takes a swing at Shamrock with the belt. Shamrock dodges and hits the belly-to-belly suplex, then locks in the anklelock. Sami is tapping out, but Madman Fulton runs back in and hits a spinning flatliner, then picks Sami up and bails to the floor. Sami gets an anklelock on Shamrock as the referee wakes up, and Shamrock is out, so the ref calls for the bell.
Winner: Sami Callihan
Kind of one-sided even though Sami ended up getting his hand raised in the end. It was okay. Fulton jumps Shamrock after the bell, Sami tries to stop him, and Fulton shoves him across the ring, so Sami says Shamrock is all his, and Fulton picks Shamrock up for a vertical suplex and just dumps him to the floor. Referees swarm in to check on Shamrock, but Fulton clears them out and stands over Shamrock as Sami begs Fulton “PLEASE, NO MORE!” Fulton finally backs off as we call it a night.
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