Josh and Don start us off in the ring to welcome us to the show and talk about tonight’s main event, then we go to the new intro and hit the ring for our opening match…
Naomichi Marufuji vs Josh Alexander
Feeling out process to start, and Marufuji gets a series on cradle attempts on Alexander, but can’t get a pinfall. Back to their feet where Alexander changes it up with a chop, and Marufuji responds in kind. Alexander dodges a dropkick and drops a knee on Marufuji for 2. Nice pace to start this one. Ethan Page is at ringside cheering his partner on as he connects with a charging forearm in the corner, but Marufuji returns fire with a dropkick and a hard chop of his own. Marufuji with a running double stomp and a savate kick to the back of Alexander’s head for 2. Alexander hits a Finlay roll and a kneedrop off the second rope gets 2. Marufuji slips out of a powerbomb attempt, Alexander blocks Sliced Bread #2, Marufuji comes back with a flurry of kicks, Alexander with a ripcord elbow, and Marufuji with a leaping enziguiri, and both men are down. They trade shots when they get back to their feet, Marufuji knocks Alexander loopy with a superkick, but Alexander pops Marufuji up and hits Three Seconds Around The World for a very close 2 count. Marufuji escapes a Tiger Driver and hits another superkick, then a leaping kneestrike for 2. Marufuji with another superkick and then Sliced Bread #2 finishes.
Winner: Naomichi Marufuji
Great opener! Marufuji is so good, and I’m glad Impact is giving him a platform in the United States again after all these years. Alexander is a monster too, such good work in this one. Marufuji goes for a handshake, Alexander goes for it, Page shoves his hand out of the way, but Alexander tells him to back off and sticks his hand out…then pulls it back, and he and Page walk out together.
oVe is backstage being told by security that Madman Fulton and the Crists are banned from the building tonight. Sami says that’s fine and gives his crew the night off if that’s what Impact management wants.
The Rascalz are in the treehouse doing what they do, and hilarity ensues. Fallah Bahh comes in, and he’s not happy. He Bahh’s at them and says Elgin, and Trey thinks he understands the Bahh language. They decide to open his mind via their usual methods, and Bahh says he’s not true to himself, and to his own self he must be true. Bahh gets very philosophical and introspective, and says the Rascalz have each other’s back, but he didn’t have his homey TJ’s back, and he let him crash and burn. Trey looks up more philosophy on his phone, and they tell Bahh to get out there and take care of business because you gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Rosemary, Alexia Nicole & Jordynne Grace vs Taya Valkyrie, Kiera Hogan & Madison Rayne
All heck breaks loose right from the start as everyone winds up in the ring almost immediately, and the babyfaces get the advantage as we go to commercial.
We come back as Rosemary is cleaning house on Madison, and the beating continues as Alexia tags in and is promptly the victim of illegal double teaming. Kiera takes a bad bump on her shoulder and tags out immediately, she rolls to the floor and Madison goes to check on her, leaving Taya alone to face Jordynne Grace by herself. Madison does distract Jordynne long enough for Taya to cheapshot Jordynne, but Jordynne gets a small package for the win.
Winners: Jordynne Grace, Rosemary & Alexia Nicole
Match was okay, I have a feeling things went off the rails after Kiera hurt her shoulder and they went to an improvised finish.
We look back at Bound For Glory when Rob Van Dam turned on Rhino, then we see RVD in the hot tub saying today’s starts like Kenny Omega, Daniel Bryan, and the Young Bucks got their moves from him. Everyone was 275-300 pounds when he came up, and if Rhino wants an apology, he’s not getting one because he carried Rhino just like he carried ECW. He’s one of a kind, because he’s Rob Van Dam (with back pointing).
We see a video package of Michael Elgin and the path of destruction he’s caused since coming to Impact, and his match with Marufuji from Bound For Glory.
Desi Arnaz Hit Squad vs Rich Swann & Willie Mack
The Desis attack before the bell, but they turn things around quickly with a series of double teams. Raj turns things around with a gourdbuster and a Last Shot for 2. Swann is caught in the wrong part of town, but he fights free after a short time and tags in Willie, who steamrolls over both opponents. Swann with a cannonball on Raj, followed by a standing moonsault on Raju for 2. Raj drags Willie to the floor as Raju hits a high knee on Swann, but then Willie comes into the ring and hits a Stunner on Raj, then Swann hits a Lethal Injection on Raju. Swann and Willie hit their double team finish for the win.
Winners: Rich Swann & Willie Mack
Match was okay. Swann and Mack are being set up as the next challengers for the tag title.
Rhino is backstage roughing everyone up while he looks for Rob Van Dam, and when he gets ahold of him at Turning Point, he’s going to break him in half with the Gore.
Moose says he proved at Bound For Glory that he’s the greatest multi-sport athletes who ever lived, because he started out playing professional football, then he made an easy transition to wrestling, and now he beat Ken Shamrock and proved he’s the greatest MMA fighter of all time. Now he’s going to show us that he’s the greatest golfer of all time. The hardest thing to do is hit a hole in one, but he’ll show us how it’s done right now. He takes a swing and gets mad at a couple of old guys who are in his way even though he’s violating golf etiquette. He didn’t hit the hole in one, and one of the guys has his ball to prove it, so he shoves the old guy into a sand trap and drops his ball into the hole to prove he just got a hole in one. Okay.
Ken Shamrock comes out and says he never thought he’d be in a wrestling ring again, and then the thing with Moose lit a fire underneath him. He had no doubt that he was going to win at Bound For Glory, and it hurt him to not do that, so he had to do a lot of soul searching to figure out what would happen next. He finally decided that…wait a minute, here comes Joey Ryan to sleaze at us. He puts his lollipop down his tights to save it for later, then he puts Shamrock over for his accomplishments before saying that he thinks it’s obvious he has one more mountain to climb. Shamrock says he doesn’t know who he is, but Ryan says he’s loved all over the world because he makes wrestling fun again. Shamrock says he’s the penis guy, and Ryan thinks he’s a fan, but Shamrock won’t go that far. He thinks Ryan is funny, but let’s be real because Shamrock is a real fighter and Ryan is a gimmick. Ryan says that’s a little stiff (no pun intended), but if he’s just a gimmick, why is he afraid to touch it? Is it because it’ll tap him out faster than the Gracie choke? Shamrock says he thinks Ryan misunderstands him, because he wasn’t coming out here to retire, he was putting Impact on notice that Ken Shamrock is here, and he will take all kinds of pain out on anyone standing in his way. He won’t play Ryan’s game, but he’ll snap his ankle. Ryan thinks that’s a great idea, and he asks the fans if they want to see this, and officially challenges the World’s Most Dangerous Man to face the World’s Most Dangerous Manhood. Ryan sticks his hand out to make it official, and Shamrock shakes it, only to have Ryan gyrate his ding ding at him.
We see a video package hyping Tessa Blanchard, then we head back to the ring for our next match…
Streetfight: X Division Champion Ace Austin vs Eddie Edwards
Austin runs right from the start, and Eddie takes him out with a dive to the floor. Eddie snap suplexes Ace on the floor and gets a trash can full of weapons, but doesn’t see Ace grab his cane thing and Ace starts unloading on him with it. Ace bashes a trash can over Eddie’s head, but Eddie uses a trash can lid to part Austin’s hair. The fans ask for him to do it one more time, so Eddie obliges. Austin gets to the apron and hits the cartwheel superkick to Eddie’s face, then uses his new t-shirt to choke Eddie. A table finds its way into the ring and Austin sets it up in the corner, then Reno Scum comes in to attack Eddie, who fights off Luster and suplexes Thornstowe into the corner table. Austin hits a leaping enziguiri on Eddie, then hits a springboard Fameasser onto the trash can and covers Eddie for 2 as we go to commercial.
We’re back as Austin comes at Eddie with a chair, but Eddie boots him in the face and goes to the second rope. Austin hits a leaping enziguiri, sets up the chair, but Eddie slips out and bashes a chair over Austin’s back, then suplexes him off the top rope. Eddie gets ahold of Kenny, but Austin is ready for him and bashes him with the X Division Title belt, and covers for 2. Austin hits Eddie with Kenny, then breaks Kenny over his knee before going for a spear. Now Eddie is prepared for him, and holds up a trash can that Austin spears right into before crashing to the mat with the can still over him. Never seen that before! Eddie bashes the canned Austin with a chair, then brings another table into the ring. Eddie puts Austin on the top rope to put him through the table, but Austin gouges the eyes and loads his elbow with the piece of metal. He nails Eddie with it and gives him a blockbuster through the table for the win.
Winner: Ace Austin
Great brawl, and I like what they’re doing with Austin with the Alisha angle and getting out of the mold of just doing X Division spotfests.
The Impact+ flashback takes us back to the Su Yung-Jessicka Havok match where Su stapled Havok in the…hmmmm, I guess I don’t have a cute female equivalent to ding ding. Well, any suggestions are welcome. We also get the postmatch brawl and ensuing drama.
Su Yung (or Susie, which she apparently now goes by) is backstage being normal and runs into the Deaners, with apparently no idea about what she used to be. The Deaners found it terrifying that she’s not crazy anymore.
Ace Austin finds Alisha backstage and convinces her to go out to dinner with him next week.
We see a video package of the history between Brian Cage and Sami Callihan, and then…IT’S MAIN EVENT TIME!
Impact World Title/Cage Match: Brian Cage vs Sami Callihan
Callihan tries to attack Cage during his entrance, but Cage is REALLY PISSED OFF. He beats Callihan senseless, powerbombing him into the cage, then lawn darting him into the cage as well. Callihan escapes a second attempt at the lawn dart and rams Cage into…um…the cage, then locks himself inside the cage. Cage literally vertical leaps onto the cage and pulls himself over the top, sneaking up behind Callihan and pummeling him as the bell rings to officially start the match. Cage is in a rage in the cage, and Callihan uses that to his advantage as he sidesteps a charge and rams Cage into the cage, then bashes him in the face with the bat. Callihan is biting Cage, gives him another couple shots with the bat, and charges Cage to drive his skull into the cage. Cage is busted open, but he yells at Sami to bring it on. Sami charges, but Cage sidesteps and Sami runs face first into the mesh as we go to commercial.
We’re back, and both men are down. They both get to their feet and start trading heavy shots. Sami dodges the roaring lariat twice and nearly takes Cage3’s head off with a clothesline for 2. Sami hits another hard lariat for 2. A third lariat and then the short piledriver, but Cage kicks out at 1 and HE IS REALLY PISSED OFF!!! Cage with a pop-up powerbomb, picks Callihan back up and powerbombs him into the cage, he goes for the Drill Claw but Sami counters to a small package for 2. Callihan ducks another roaring lariat, superkicks Cage’s leg out, superkicks him like 6 or 7 more times, another short piledriver, picks Cage up and hits it again, rolls through for yet a fourth piledriver, but Cage STILL manages to kick out at 2. Wow. Callihan goes for a fifth piledriver, but Cage sits up, hits an Alabama Slam, and finally hits the roaring lariat, but Callihan is able to kick out at 2. Cage goes to the second rope, Sami follows him up, headbutts Cage’s cut, but Cage repeatedly headbutts him back. Callihan with a leaping enziguiri, and he PILEDRIVES CAGE OFF THE TOP ROPE!! That has to be it. Sami makes a cover, and we have a new champion.
Winner and NEW Impact World Champion: Sami Callihan
Just an unbelievable brawl, and this was a terrific overall way to kick off the AXS TV era. Sami barely has time to celebrate before Tessa Blanchard comes out to confront him. They go face to face in the cage, and Sami holds the belt up as they stare each other down and we call it a week.
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