Thursday, August 16, 2018

Impact Wrestling Results - August 16, 2018

Impact Wrestling Results - August 16, 2018
We see the usual opening video with the look back at last week's show, then we go right to our opening match...

Sami Callihan vs Fenix

Sami goes right after Fenix, but Fenix outmaneuvers him and uses some flippy dippy lucha stuff to take out all three members of oVe.  Fenix takes all three of them out with a dive to the floor, then rolls Sami back in and hits a Swanton for 2.  Jake distracts Fenix, and allows Sami to hit a modified version of Hertz Donut that drops Fenix right on his face.  Callihan turns Fenix inside out with a hard clothesline and dumps him out to the floor for more punishment.  Spit chop and a Russian legsweep into the barricade, then back into the ring where Sami covers for 2.  Sami distracts the ref while Jake attacks Fenix from ringside, then Sami takes Fenix up the rampway and finds himself on the receiving end of a Frankensteiner.  Sami rolls back into the ring, and Fenix runs down the ramp, dives over the ropes, and hits a twisting Ace Crusher for 2 as we go to commercial.

We come back as Sami counters a top rope something with a big boot to the face, then a snap powerbomb gets 2.  Sami gets a half crab, then transitions into an STF right in the middle of the ring.  Fenix makes it to the ropes, so Sami goes to the second rope, Fenix nails him, then gets a leaping Frankensteiner off the top and a Code Red for 2.  Sami with a bicycle kick, Fenix with a roaring elbow, Sami with a high kneestrike to the face, Fenix with a spinning superkick, and covers Sami for 2.  Fenix goes to the top, the Crists try to grab onto him, but Pentagon comes out to fight them off, allowing Fenix to catch Sami with a leaping spinkick and a twisting muscle buster into a cradle shock driver for the win.

Winner: Fenix

Good opener!  Well, for Fenix and Pentagon, anyway.  They've booked oVe into becoming the TNA equivalent of the Wyatt Family by this point.

We go to Josh and Don to talk about stuff, they plug the new Impact Wrestling shirt with a Canadian flag on it, and then we hit a video package with the history between LAX and the OGz.

Fenix is informed that because of his win tonight, he gets a shot at Brian Cage for the X Division Title.  Fenix says Cage has never faced the real animal of lucha libre, and Cage walks in, holds the title up in his face, and walks out.  Fenix watches him go and says "Animal!"

The Global Wrestling Network takes us back to the British Invasion getting a win over the Main Event Mafia, leading to a big brawl featuring a bunch of guys who don't work here anymore.

The OGz and their gang of thugs are out in the parking lot, and they're ready to take it to the streets with LAX tonight!!

Alicia is backstage with Kiera Hogan and Allie, who says this match with Su Yung tonight is about a lot more than the title.  She's done with the distractions, and Kiera says not to worry about the bridesmaids because she has Allie's back.  Allie promised nobody else is getting stuffed in that casket, and the only way she can do that is by ending Su Yung.  This is for Madison, this is for Rosemary, and this is for her soul, because she made a promise, and now she intends to keep it.

Jimmy Jacobs comes out to the ring and says that he knows what people see when they look at him: a small man hiding behind a big monster, and because he's a princess, that means he's soft, and that a good guy isn't capable of bad things.  A few weeks ago when Johnny Impact suckerpunched him in the face, he made the mistake of his life.  He might be small of stature, a princess, and a good guy, but he's going to unleash the monster tonight.  Impact comes out to face him, and Kongo Kong jumps Impact from behind and lays him out on the entry ramp.  He finally dumps Impact into the ring, and the ref rings the bell...

Jimmy Jacobs vs Johnny Impact

Jimmy makes a cover, but Impact is out at 2.  Jacobs tells Impact to look at him because he is the monster, then slaps him in the face.  Impact no-sells some right hands, and Kong gets into the ring and plants Impact with a sitout Tombstone as the ref calls for the bell.

Winner by DQ: Johnny Impact

Jacobs and Kong bring the ring steps up onto the entry ramp and then Kong goes to powerbomb Impact onto the steps, but Impact fights his way free, tries a tornado DDT on the ramp, but Kong blocks and backdrops him into and halfway across the ring.  Impact springboards off the ropes and this time hits a tornado DDT that sends Kong spilling off the ramp.  Jacobs with a chairshot from behind, but Impact is NOT selling!  Jacobs runs into the ring and Impact flippy dips over the ropes after him, and Jacobs tries to go up the ramp, but Impact does his parfait walking stuff to circle around in front of Jacobs, who is now hiding behind the ring steps.  Impact parfaits over the steps, landing right in front of Jimmy, and knocks him into next week with a kneestrike to the face.  Impact picks the steps up, says "An eye for an eye, Jimmy!" and rams the steps into Jimmy's face.  Jimmy is motionless with his eyes open as he slumps over the bottom rope.

Austin Aries and Killer Kross are backstage, and they're...WALKING!  Scarlett Bordeaux is also backstage, and she's...JUTTING!

Fallah Bahh and KM show up at the same restaurant for a date, and they're surprised to see each other.  Apparently they're here to meet the same person, so KM steals the wine Bahh thankfully brought for the lady, and they both turn around to discover...Scarlett Bordeaux lounging seductively on a love seat with smoke swirling around her.  KM shoves Bahh out of the way and hands her a glass of the very expensive champagne "he" brought for her.  She spits it out because the stuff he brought is for side chicks.  Anyway, she hears they're having problems, and KM complains about their communication and that he got Bahh into the best shape of his life.  Scarlett interjects and says that KM tried things his way, so maybe he should try things Fallah Bahh's way.  KM says wait a minute, he's from Brooklyn and he knows what's going on here, but Scarlett puts a finger up to his lips and shooshes him.  She goes right up in his face, and he sticks his tongue out for a big gross kiss, and Scarlett says maybe they should do things HER way.  That seems to have inspired KM, who says he's going to try and do things Bahh's way.  He thanks Scarlett and leaves, and Bahh smiles at her and goes "Bahh?" and she stands up, slaps him in the face, and goes "That's disgusting!"  Okay, this was pretty funny.

Speaking of Brooklyn, Bound For Glory will be in New York City!  Legally, at least!

Austin Aries comes out to address the fans, and says it's a great day to be great.  Last time he was in this ring, he delivered yet again when he beat Eddie Edwards right in the middle of the ring.  Since then, he's been bombarded with questions: Who? Why? What? What's the relationship between him and Killer Kross?  Unlike a lot of people in this business, Killer Kross can speak for himself.  Aries introduces Kross, his new insurance policy, and the hired gun himself comes out to join his employer.  Kross says the only person here who seems to understand where he's coming from is Austin Aries, and they're very different people, but they thrive on one thing: change, and they're going to shove it down their throat whether they like it or not.  Aries says everyone pays the toll, and that includes Anthony Carelli, Eddie Edwards, and anyone else who steps in the ring with them.  He's been changing the industry, but no matter how great he is, one man can only change so much, and you're only as good as the people you surround yourself with, so he made sure the man watching his back is the best, and if Aries seemed unbeatable before, now he's unstoppable.  Anyone who wants to step up can get Krossed out.  Eddie Edwards comes out with his kendo stick, and Aries tells him to see how it goes with Killer Kross standing in front of him, and to give it his best shot.  Eddie drills him with the stick a few times, and Kross no-sells.  Kross pulls the stick away and takes a wild swing, but Eddie ducks and lays Kross out with an Ace Crusher, then goes back to stalking Aries with the stick.  Aries says let's talk about this for a second, and that distracts Eddie long enough for Kross to grab his leg so Aries can nail him, then Kross gets the Kross Jacket and chokes Eddie out with it.

Eddie Edwards is backstage talking to himself and asking Austin Aries what he thinks he'll do to hmi that he hasn't been through already.  He flips out and Alisha comes in to ask him how he's doing, and says he's still crazy.  Eddie says he ISN'T CRAZY WHY DOES EVERYONE SAY HE'S CRAZY WHYYYY!! Eddie then goes back to bashing on the walls.

Eli Drake vs Joe Hendry

Drake has Trevor Lee and Caleb Konley in his corner, and Henley has Grado and Katarina.  Feeling out process to start, Hendry takes Drake to the mat with a wristlock.  Drake gets out and takes Hendry down with a shoulderblock, but Hendry catches him with a backslide for 2.  Hendry comes back with a shoulderblock of his own, Drake counters a neckbreaker and hits one of his own.  Drake follows that up with...another shoulderblock.  To the corner where Drake wears Hendry down with punches and kicks, Drake gets a sunset flip for 2, but then Henley comes back with a fiery babyface resurgence.  Hendry swings under a punch and hits a DDT, dumps Konely to the floor when he tries to interfere, and Grado knocks Konley outHendry gets Drake up for something, but Grado is on the apron distracting him and that allows Drake to get an O'Connor roll for the win.

Winner: Eli Drake

Hendry does not look happy, Grado looks like he feels terrible, and Katarina is in there soothing Hendry, then chews Grado out for screwing up.  Hendry pats Grado on the back and they walk to the back arm in arm, so I guess they're fine...FOR NOW.

We see a video package of Matt Sydal doing yoga by the ocean, and soaking in the energy of Spanish galleons as they drift by, the energy of the wind...life...death...dark...light...and in between it all...balance.  But wait...there's something else...darkness...Rey...REY!!!  Okay, well the Sydal doing yoga by the ocean part was true, anyway.

oVe is backstage, and Sami Callihan says it's time to end Pentagon Jr once and for all because it's all his fault.  His loss to Fenix, Dave geting his head shaved, him getting his own head shaved, and he says next week, they end it all and humiliate Pentagon in his own kind of match, so he wants Pentagon in a Mexican Death Match, and only one of them is walking out.

Knockouts Champion Su Yung vs Allie

Su jumps Allie before the bell, but Allie turns it around and tears into Su, then takes her out with a crossbody.  Allie with la magistral cradle for 2.  then gets distracted by the bridesmaids, allowing Su to snap her neck down on the top rope and knock her to the floor.  Su pulls her shirt off, convulses, and hits a somersault dive off the apron.    Back into the ring where Su covers for 2.  Su gouges at Allie's face, then goes for a mandible claw while Josh and Don plug Swedish Dicks.  Allie blocks a couple of shots, headbutts Su in the sternum, and gets knocked into next week by a palmstrike from Su.  Allie comes back with a neckbreaker and a senton for 2, dropkicks Su into the corner, then dropkicks some of the bridesmaids off the apron,  Kiera jumps off the apron to take out a couple of the bridesmaids, but the Undead Maid of Honor lays Kiera out.  Allie hits a lungblower, but then Tessa Blanchard jumps in the ring and absolutely beats Allie into oblivion.  She goes for the hammerlock DDT, but Su gets Tessa with the nasty mandible claw, allowing Allie to superkick Tessa into next week and then lay Su out with a Codebreaker.  Well, that was a mess.  Guess we'll call it...

NO CONTEST

Allie's character has made quite the about face here, hasn't it?

And now, it's...MAIN EVENT TIME!

Well, it's not a match, it's literally a streetfight, as both the OGz and LAX show up with about an extra half a dozen guys each.  Kingston says he's surprised to see they showed up.  Konnan says Kingston knows the rules: the bosses stand back and let the boys rumble.  So everyone backs up, Homicide and Hernandez lay the belts down, and the two teams start going at it.  Hernandez rams Ortiz into the fence, and Homicide does the same to Santana.  Ortiz gets Hernandez down and beats on him with a traffic cone, but Hernandez sends him back into the fence.  Kingston's seen enough and sends his backup crew in to jump LAX, and Konnan retaliates with the same.  Homicide pulls a fork out and goes to stab Santana under the arm with it, but Santana fights him off as Konnan tosses a broom to Ortiz to work Hernandez over with.  Homicide goes for the COP KILLA ON THE PAVEMENT, but luckily, Santana is able to get out of that.  Ortiz gets something and bashes Homicide in the face with it, but Hernandez throws something in Ortiz' face, then Border Tosses Santana on top of Konnan's backup crew.  Kingston is all "YEAH B*** WASSUP?" as Hernandez gets a rope and hangs Ortiz over his back with it.  Ortiz passes out, and one of the OGz backup crew hands something metal to Hernandez.  He goes after Ortiz with it, but Santana gets a sock full of quarters and knocks Hernandez out with it, then beats him mercilessly on the street and stands over the fallen OG.  Ortiz makes it back to his feet, and LAX gets their belts back, and Santana tells Ortiz it's over as happy street music plays.  Kingston says it ain't over, and tells Konnan he ain't got the heart to take him out.  He says Konnan is an old b****, and LAX is being led to the grave.  He gets right in Konnan's face and tells him he ain't got the balls, then gets on his knees and tells Konnan to do it.  Konnan takes the quarter sock from Santana, and Kingston yells, "DO IT!  DO IT, YOU OLD BASTARD!" and Konnan says "With pleasure." and takes a big swing at Kingston's head as we go to black.


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