We see someone get out of a car, but as usual, the cameraman only shows him from the neck down! Who is this mystery man?
We look back at last week’s Genesis show, and then we head to the ring for our opening match…
Grand Championship Match: Matt Sydal vs Fallah Bahh
We see a promo with Matt Sydal that was taped earlier tonight. He’s got a new spiritual advisor, and there are no more judges or rounds. So basically, this is just another secondary title now. Bahh plays to the crowd and tries to intimidate Sydal before shoving him across the ring. Sydal appears to be acting heelish, complaining about a hair pull before hitting a flying headscissors and a basement dropkick. Bahh shoves Sydal off, but Sydal dropkicks his knee out and unloads some kicks to the knee before Bahh takes his head off with a hard clothesline. Sydal uses his speed to outmaneuver Bahh and connect with a leg lariat, then unlods more kicks on Bahh’s knee. Sydal off the top with Meteora for 2, but Bahh wipes Sydal out with a crossbody before unloading with a series of double chops. Sydal comes off the top, but Bahh counters to a Samoan drop, then signals for the steamroller and hits it for 2. Bahh goes up for a Banzai Drop, but Sydal uses his feet to launch Bahh over the top and to the floor. Sydal rolls him back inside and goes to the top, but Bahh is up already and nails him. Bahh climbs the ropes for a superplex, Sydal tries a sunset bomb, but Bahh knocks him down and goes for a Banzai drop…and misses! Sydal quickly goes back up and hits the Sydal Press for the win.
Winner: Matt Sydal
Good opener, though I’m not enthused about the rule change.
Eli Drake and Chris Adonis are bacskstage, and they’re…WALKING!
Caleb Konley and Trevor Lee are backstage in Hawaiian shirts, and Caleb is stressed that Trevor Lee doesn’t have the title anymore, but Trevor assures him his specialty is thinking five steps ahead of everyone else. He has plans not just for himself, but for Caleb too, because they are Trevor. So they’re doing Negan in Hawaiian shirts? Interesting.
KM vs Bobby Lashley
Lashley (who is free and clear of his Impact contract as of today, incidentally) just destroys KM until KM sidesteps a spear and Lashley crashes shoulder-first into the ringpost. He tumbles to the floor as we go to commercial.
We’re back as KM drops an elbow on Lashley for 2, then gets a chinlock. KM dumps Lashley out to the floor and then wipes him out with a somersault dive. Wow! KM launches Lashley into the ring steps, then they go back inside where Lashley hits a clothesline and a crossbody for 2. Lashley with a powerslam for another 2. Delayed vertical suplex by Lashley, then he sets for the spear. KM gets a knee up in Lashley’s face and hits a full nelson slam for 2. Lashley escapes a pump handle powerslam and hits the spear for the win.
Winner: Bobby Lashley
Great match, KM looked great in this one. Best I’ve ever seen him look, hopefully it gets followed up on.
We look back at a couple of weeks ago when Chandler Park got destroyed by Kongo Kong, then we go to Joseph Park on the phone with his Aunt Jenny, apologizing his ass off when Kong and Jimmy Jacobs come to interrupt. Jacobs says that what happened to Chandler didn’t have to happen, but now he wants Joseph Park’s monster to come out and play with his monster, and since he’s a princess, he always gets what he wants.
Laurel Van Ness is outside, and she’s…HOWLING AND TWIRLING!
PlutoTV takes us back in time
Bobby Lashley is backstage saying he spent months being forced to make a choice between MMA and wrestling, but he’s going to focus on wrestling…and MMA…and he’s still going to do whatever the hell he wants. He turns around and walks past Eddie Edwards, who says, “What’s up, big man? What’s up?” Lashley ignores him and keeps walking.
Laurel Van Ness vs Kiera Hogan
Laurel is still the champion, though I don’t believe the title is on the line here. Laurel’s hair is pink now. Tie up and Laurel goes to the arm, then takes her down to the mat and slaps her in the face before covering for 2. Laurel chokes Kiera on the ropes, then puts the boots to Kiera’s head. Incidentally, it’s been over a year since she got left at the altar, shouldn’t she have gotten over it by now? And remember when Grado won his right to keep wrestling in America? Have they used him since then? That was like four months ago. Kiera dodges a charge and starts firing back, snapmares and superkicks Laurel, and covers for 2. Kiera goes to the top, Laurel throws her off, and hits the running curb stomp. Laurel goes for the Unprettier, but Allie comes out to distract her and Kiera rolls Laurel up for the win.
Winner: Kiera Hogan
The youngest member of the Hogan family is off to a victorious start to her career.
Our mystery person is in the parking lot, and apparently took an hour to get to the door after getting out of his car. I guess he just spent the whole time wandering around outside. Anyway., he finally found his way into the building.
Alberto El Patron and Ethan Carter III are backstage with McKenzie, and Alberto demands to be known as the pride of Mexico. He should be the main event, but he’s stuck here tagging with EC3. EC3 says the main event goes through him because he is a Carter, and the world needs him. EC3 says Alberto should follow his lead,but Alberto says not to screw it up out there. They share a tense handshake.
LAX comes out to the ring and gets a babyface pop, and he says Konnan stuff. They have their title back, they beat those “hos” the ovaries, and says Sami Callihan got halfway through a sex change operation before telling the doctor to just leave it like that. They are always ready for a war and always on DEFCON-5. oVe comes out and Sami says they hate all of them because THEY HATE EVERYTHING! But he’d be lying if he said he didn’t respect them. They’ve done it all, and if they don’t put an end to this, one of them will end up six feet under, so for right now, they want to bury this. But at some point in 2018, they’re coming back for those titles and taking over EVERYTHING EVERYTHING EVERYTHING. Konnan follows them up the aisle and tells them they get nothing and they’ll like it. While he’s jawing with oVe, Trevor Lee and Caleb Konley run in and attack LAX, laying them out with a pipe and a kendo stick. They’re able to dish out the entire beating and bail during the 15 minutes it takes Konnan to get back into the ring and chase them off.
McKenzie is backstage with Moose and Johnny Impact. They do standard “rah rah” stuff because they’re gonna win tonight etc.
The Global Wrestling Network reminds us of when Drew Galloway worked here and had awesome matches with EC3, then we go backstage to Eli Drake, who asks Chris Adonis who the special guest tonight is, and Adonis doesn’t have a special guest, but he was happy to help Johnny Impact avoid falling to his death off the side of the cage last week.
Ethan Carter III & Alberto El Patron vs Moose & Johnny Impact
Feeling out to start until Moose catches EC3 with a dropkick, then he and Impact take turns unloading free shots on him. EC3 goes down, Moose hits a senton, and Impact gets a twisting senton for 2. Alberto locks Moose down and they cut him off in their side of the ring. They beat him up on the floor for a bit, then bring him back in and beat him up some more there. Moose makes a hot tag and Impact goes to town on EC3, knocks Alberto off the apron, and hits a running knee on EC3. Impact with a moonsault powerslam for 2, then drags EC3 to the corner and goes for Starship Pain, but EC3 rolls out of the way. EC3 misses a Stinger Splash, Impact hits a Tidal Krush, Alberto tags in, and he gets laid out and Impact hits him with Starship Pain. He makes a cover, but EC3 pulls him out to the floor and rams him into the ringpost as we go to commercial.
We’re back, and Impact is still getting beat up…until he knocks Alberto to the floor and goes for a hot tag. EC3 runs around the ring and pulls Moose off the apron, then tags in and drags Impact back to his corner. TK3 gets 2,but a super back suplex attempt is reversed by Impact, and he makes the hot tag. Moose unloads on Alberto, but Alberto ducks the Gamechanger and hits a lungblower before ramming Moose shoulder first into the post. Impact with a Russian legsweep on Alberto and goes to the top and misses his twisty elbowdrop. Alberto hangs him in the Tree of Joey Lawrence and goes up to hit the double stomp, but Moose comes right in with a huge clothesline for the win.
Winners: Moose & Johnny Impact
Good match!
Eli Drake and Chris Adonis are backstage, and they’re…WALKING!
Chris Adonis comes out with Eli Drake for a special celebration called…the Facts of Eli Drake’s Life! He puts Eli over for being the best wrestler, best dresser, and best friend in the world, all while showing clips of Eli looking terrific. Eli pats himself on the back and calls himself the Greatest Man Who Ever Lived, and this brings out…Austin Aries! He says he’s been traveling the world collecting championships, and if Eli wants to call himself the Greatest Man Who Ever Lived, he’ll take him on anytime and anywhere. Drake says no and walks, so Aries says he doesn’t seem to have any balls, and that prompts Adonis to knock Aries out from behind with the belt. Drake suddenly changes his mind and calls for a ref, who comes down to the ring to kick off…
Impact World Title Match: Eli Drake vs Austin Aries
Drake makes a cover, but Aries kicks out at 2. Drake goes and argues with the referee, but takes too long and misses a corner charge. Aries knocks Adonis off the apron, hits the IED, and puts Eli away with a brainbuster.
Winner and NEW Impact World Champion: Austin Aries
Nothing spells new era like having someone come in and win the World Title on their first night in the company. The fact that Aries had like 87 shots at Neville for the eighth-string title in WWE and couldn’t get the job done, then comes to Impact and beats the guy who held their title for the last nine months in under a minute after getting knocked out really makes this company look like a million bucks.
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