Thursday, June 15, 2017

Impact Wrestling Results - Jun 15, 2017

We open up with a video package hyping the history between Sonjay Dutt and Low Ki coming into tonight's big X Division Title Match, then we go right to the ring for our opening match...

Sony Six Invitational Gauntlet

We start off with Suicide and Matt Sydal, who have a fast paced back and forth before Sydal hits a couple of monkey flips and a flying headscissors. Sydal with a leg lariat as we count down to entrant #3...Davey Richards! It's ROH 2007 all over again as Davey goes right after Sydal and nearly tears him in half, then does the same to Suicide. Sydal whips off a nice flying headscissors on Davey, but Davey dodges the corner clothesline and Sydal bounces to the mat. Entrant #4 is KM, and Borash reminds us not to call him a liar. KM and Davey go face to face, but KM reasons with Davey and convinces him to work together to beat up Suicide and Sydal. Sydal quickly plants them both in the mat with a deathdrop/flatliner combo, then kicks KM's legs out while Suicide lays into KM with some chops. Davey dropkicks Suicide to the floor as Swoggle comes out at #5. Here's one guy I never thought I'd see in the ring with Davey Richards. Swoggle lays in Kobashi chops on Davey, then on KM, then Davey some more, then KM shoves him down by the face. Sydal hits KM with Meteora, Davey no-sells more chops from Swoggle and hits him with a spinning heel kick, but a powerbomb attempt on Swoggle is interrupted by Eddie Edwards, who runs in at #6 and goes right after Davey. A wild Cactus clothesline takes them both over the top rope to the floor, eliminating both men, and they continue brawling on the floor as we go to commercial.

We're back and Spud is in, and of course he's going after Swoggle and beating him up in the corner. Kongo Kong is out next and he swats Sydal away when he tries a springboard something, then launches him over the top rope. Sydal hangs on, but Kong just shoves him to the floor. Spud finishes beating up the midget and backs away...right into Kong. Spud takes a moment to realize who he made contact with, but he finally turns around and has only a moment to let it register before Kong tosses him too. Kong tries to toss Swoggle, but Swoggle lands on the apron and bites Kong's belly. Spud comes in from behind and yanks Swoggle to the floor as entrant #9 enters, and it is...Moose! Moose hits an AWESOME springboard crossbody on KM, but turns his back on Kong and regrets it when Kong nails him from behind, and Kong and KM together are able to eliminate Moose. There's one last entrant, and it's...MAHABALI SHERA! Well, who else? We see what's left of his father in the crowd as Shera takes a 2-on-1 beating and then, to the biggest pop of his career, ducks a charge from Kong and sends him to the floor. It's down to Mahabali Shera and KM, and they'll face off when we get back from this commercial break!

Okay, we're back and it's down to Mahabali Shera and KM, and if you don't know who's going over here, you just don't know wrestling. KM unloads on Mahabali Shera with hard strikes and a big bosdyslam, followed by a slingshot splash for 2. Shera suddenly pops KM up in a fireman's carry and hits an AA, then connects with a series of things that I guess pass for clotheslines. Shera hits a sky high, and that's enough for the three count.

Winner: Mahabali Shera

Shera goes out to ringside to celebrate with his family, then comes back in the ring as Bruce Prichard, Scott D'Amore, and an executive from Sony Six hand him a trophy. Mahabali Shera seems truly touched as he soaks the moment in.

We go to Jeremy Borash and Josh Mathews, who is wearing a cutoff t-shirt since the Josh Mathews Sparring Session in the main event tonight. Borash says that's not the main event, Sonjay Dutt's long-awaited shot at the X Division Title is, and it's 15 years in the making, so we're gonna see a video package about how many times he's tries and failed to win that title, and now that he's 15 years older and has a wife and kids, it's his time to do it in his home country!

We're back, and Jeremy Borash delivers the news that DeAngelo Williams is making his in-ring debut at Slammiversary! We see a video package of him training at Scott D'Amore's school in Windsor, then we go to Joseph Park and Jeremy Borash training for Slammiversary by stuffing themselves with Chinese food. Next, we're off to the LAX clubhouse, and Konnan says they couldn't make it because they have priors, so instead they're going to go around to the local indies and take all the money from the promoters and the boys there. They show video footage of...oh, come on! They're doing an LAX EXPEDEESHUN OF GOLD!

EC3 comes out and...oh wait, my mistake: it's E Singh III, and EC3 has had a spiritual awakening. He's out here in traditional Indian garb, and meditates in the middle of the ring while we cut to some doof in the front row doing thumbs down so vigorously that he knocks his own glasses off. LOL. He has a translator here so that he can tell the fans in attendance that his great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-grandfather was born in Calcutta, so not only are they with him, but he is with them. India is a land of rich cultural history, and together, Impact Wrestling and India are making history! He's already rich, which 99.99% of them will never be, there's no culture here in this third-world hellhole, and he's not here to make history, he's here to destroy it. He came here to find peace and zen, but all he found was despair, so Impact and India deserve each other because the people back home are worthless, incompetent, poor, and covered with refuse, just like India, but in that refuse is one guiding light, and his name is EC3! He's the best there, the best here, and in a country of 1.4 billion, he's sure as hell the best guy everywhere! The translator doesn't want to translate that one, so EC3 yells at him to say it, but no dice. EC3 says that he is India, and just like Impact Wrestling, he has been insubordinate, and he will be punished. EC3 hits him with the microphone, then takes his belt out of his jeans and whips him with it. Isn't this what Indian grooms do to their brides on their wedding day or something? Anyway, James Storm runs in and chases EC3 off as we go to commercial.

We take a look back at earlier today when Spud and Swoggle happened to be sitting at the same table in catering, with Los Conquistadores Indios seated between them. They argue over who did what to who, then Spud gets on top of the table, shoves Spud's face in his food, and they run off while Los Conquistadores Indios look around with no apparent idea what's going on.

Time for the Josh Mathews public workout, as he says that he and Scott Steiner are going to destroy Joseph Park and Jeremy Borash at Slammiversary, but he's not allowed to touch Borash until then. Instead, he set up this public sparring session, with an opponent handpicked by him. The crowd tells him he can't wrestle, but he says he can, and he'll prove it when he takes on a member of the 2008 Indian Olympic team, a star in Bollywood, and a member of the national championship cricket team...Sandeep Khan. Some fat Indian guy in a singlet comes out and high fives fans, and he looks to be all of 4'10". So...

Josh Mathews vs Sandeep Khan

Mathews hits a hiptoss right out of the gate, then stops to play to the fans. Khan charges, so Josh gets a drop toehold, then a floatover and slaps the back of Khan's head. Khan hits a couple of really bad armdrags and a dropkick, and Josh stops to collect himself and take the measure of the situation. Josh goes for a test of strength, but kicks Khan in the ding ding, then connects with a kneelift. Josh goes to the top and hits a Swanton before getting...of course, the Camel Clutch/Steiner Recliner. Khan is fighting, but is forced to tap out.

Winner: Josh Mathews

Josh won't let the hold go, so Mahabali Shera comes out and Josh backs off. Josh begs for mercy, but then tries to cheapshot Josh. Shera blocks and picks him up for a powerslam, but Bobby Lashley runs in and flattens Shera, allowing Josh to get Shera in a camel clutch. Here comes Alberto El Patron, who chases both men off. Josh hightails it to the back, but Lashley confidently backs up the ramp while Alberto and Shera dare him to come back.

We see a video of people driving around Mumbai, then we go to Joseph Park playing with action figures of Scott Steiner and Alberto El Patron as part of his training. Borash says they should probably watch some video of Scott to prep for his moves and stuff, so they watch the "131 2/3 percent chance of winning" interview and then him ring announcing ("He's no Jeremy Borash." "He's not even Dave Penzer." "Who?") Then they watch Scott wrestling and destroying a bunch of people and get scared. The phone rings and it's Scott Steiner...and they're both too scared to answer it.

Trevor Lee vs Braxton Sutter

Lee wallops Sutter, knocks him to the floor, then brings him back in and hits a bridging German suplex for 2. Trevor makes the mistake of going after Allie, and Sutter unloads on him, hits a bicycle kick, a swinging fisherman's buster, and covers for the win.

Winner: Braxton Sutter

Just a quick match, but now the fun starts because Sienna is on her way out with the GFW Women's Title belt and Laurel Van Ness in tow. Everyone thinks Allie is so innocent and pure, but she ran to the ring and attacked the two of them with a weapon for no reason. Since Allie wants to act like a wrestler, it's time she gets to be one, so next week, she and Laurel want Allie and her new friend Rosemary. Sienna asks Allie if she thinks Rosemary has a decent bone in her body, and asks if she knows what happened to her last two friends. So...Sienna is saying that Allie will turn into Joseph Park?

Another video package of Low Ki vs Sonjay Dutt. Low Ki knows Sonjay wants that X Division Title, but he's dreaming, and he'll have to wake Sonjay up in his home country. There's a reason he's a five time champion: he's the one willing to sacrifice enough to win it over and over again, yet Sonjay has never succeeded. He doesn't want to be the one to end Sonjay's career, and he knows Sonjay is reveling in this eye-for-an-eye crap, but a little scratch won't stop him the way it stopped Sonjay.

We see a video package of the Impact roster discussing the importance of Slammiversary, then we go to the ring where Moose is getting ready to cut a promo when he's interrupted by Eli Drake and Chris Adonis. Drake says that Moose makes a point of missing the point. He's been getting BS since he got here, and now the new regime comes in and it's the same, nothing's changed, but then he looks at this cross-eyed halfwit in the ring with a title he doesn't deserve, because Moose KNOWS Drake beat him, and he KNOWS Bruce Prichard is in his pocket. He's smart to it, he knows Moose has his nose so far up Prichard's keyster that he knows what kind of curry he had today. Moose says he's not big on going back and forth, so he'll make it easy for him. Moose asks the fans if they want to see Moose whip these two (BLEEP!) at Slammiversary, and they do, but Adonis says there's two of them, and Moose has nobody. They attack Moose,but Moose fights them both off by himself. Moose gets a mic and says if they want to know who his partner at Slammiversary is going to be, they'll find out next week!

Back to Borash and Joseph Park, still arguing over who will answer the phone, but they do it together, and it's SCott Steiner...going for a walk in the park. Okay. Borash and Park offer to call the match off, but Steiner says Park has a fat ass, and everyone knows how much he hates FAT ASSES. They are hitting all the Scott Steiner nostalgia promos, aren't they? They both want to hang up, but neither has the guts, so they both just run while Scott keeps talking about how he's going to beat their fat asses.

Sonjay Dutt is outside, and he's...WALKING! He gets what he has said will be his final shot at the X Division title...NEXT! Low Ki's also outside, and he's also...WALKING! The main event is up...NEXT!

Okay, it's do or die time for Sonjay Dutt, and it's...MAIN EVENT TIME!

X Division Title Match: Low Ki vs Sonjay Dutt

Low Ki goes right after the eye, which still has a patch on it. Low Ki pulls the eyepatch off, but Sonjay turns up the speed and hits a flying headscissors and an armdrag to put Low Ki on the mat. Low Ki blocks another armdrag and drills Dutt with an elbow to the face that drops Dutt like a rock. Low Ki goes for the shotgun dropkick, but Sonjay sidesteps. Low Ki rolls ot the apron, and Dutt dropkicks him to the floor and then connects with a baseball slide. The crowd is behind their countryman, but it distracts him and allows Low Ki to drive Dutt into the barricade. Then Low Ki tosses Dutt over the rail and into the stands, where they trade right hands. Low Ki goes for a Ki Krusher on the bleachers, but Dutt blocks and sends Ki off the stands, over the rail, and face first onto the ring apron, then hits a nasty moonsault that he didn't have enough room for and probably cranked Ki's back against the apron. Dutt goes for a one man Sliced Bread #2, but Ki blocks and drops Dutt back first on the ring steps as we go to commercial.

We're back and Low Ki is still in control, but Sonjay counters an attempt at the Tidal Krush with a spriingboard Russian legsweep, and that finally slows Low Ki down enough that Sonjay can begin to mount a comeback. Sonjay with a rolling dropkick for 2, Low Ki catches Sonjay with a strike that stuns him, and he hits the cartwheel Tidal Krush. Low Ki goes to the top rope for the Warrior's Way, Sonjay is up and nails Low Ki, then he connects with a leaping enziguiri, Low Ki fights him off again, but Dutt with a leaping palmstrike and is finally able to hit a superplex. Both men are down, but Dutt stirs first and makes a cover, but he took too long and only gets 2. Sonjay goes for a sunset flip, but you'd think a guy who has wrestled Low Ki as many times as he had would know better, because he eats the double stomp counter like everyone else. Low Ki puts Sonjay on the top rope and goes for the Ki Krusher, but Sonjay slips out and hits a tornado DDT. Sonjay rolls out to the apron, gives the crowd a "THIS IS IT!!!" look, goes to the top, and hits a frogsplash for 3!

Winner and NEW X Division Champion: Sonjay Dutt

Terrific match, and a great moment for Sonjay Dutt! THIS was excellent, and THIS is what the X Division has historically been about: not spots, spots, and more spots. They went out there and told a story for 15 minutes that focused on awesome wrestling, and the finish MEANT SOMETHING. The rest of the X Division and the other Indian wrestlers file into the ring to celebrate with the new champion as we call it a night.


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