Thursday, June 8, 2017

Impact Wrestling Results - Jun 8, 2017

We open with Bruce Prichard backstage chewing out Jeremy Borash and Josh Mathews for all the crap going on between them, and says that if there is any physical altercation between the two of them, they will both be immediately fired.

From there, we see a video package of everyone from Impact Wrestling arriving in Mumbai and getting ready for the show, and then we head to Soundstage 7 in Film City to kick the show off...

Alberto El Patron comes out to talk about all the years he's been winning titles all over the world, but there's one more title El Patron needs. We're only a few weeks ago from Slameeversorry (which I think translates to Slammiversary), and he says he'll be the undisputed Impact Wrestling Champion. This brings out Bobby Lashley (hey, I remember this guy!) for a rebuttal. He's tired of Alberto running his mouth, and is going to smarten him up. He's the realest wrestler in this business, and he will fight Alberto anywhere, even drag him out to the parking lot if that's what it takes. He's the man here, and he can't wait until Slammiversary because he's going to retain his title and take the GFW Global Title with him, and then Alberto can walk his ass back to Mexico. All the talk is going to stop because they'll be locked up in the ring. Alberto starts to respond when Bruce Prichard comes out and says he loves seeing two champions who are ready to fight. Both men are going to have mystery challengers tonight, and they won't find out who their opponents are until they walk through the curtain.

A couple of...um...guys in masks and full body tights come in and don't talk, but just kind of gesture at Bruce Prichard backstage. He figures out they want to challenge Alberto and Lashley, but Bruce says no way that's happening.

X Division Title Match: Low Ki vs Caleb Konley

Fast paced back and forth to start ends with Konley sweeping Low Ki's legs and hitting a senton for 2. Low Ki fires back and hammers Konley in the corner with right hands and covers for 2. Low Ki beats Konley down in the corner and the referee goes to check on him, but Konley gets back to his feet and continues to fight. Konley dumps Low Ki to the floor and hits him with a dive, catching Low Ki in a way that appears to busy him open hardway. Back inside where Konley hits a top rope bodypress for 2, but Low Ki shotgun dropkicks him into the corner, then heads up top and hits the Warrior's Way for 3.

Winner: Low Ki

Low Ki is bleeding pretty good as he has his hand raised, and Sonjay Dutt comes out with a big eyepatch on to confront Low Ki. He says a bunch of stuff in Hindi and then asks for a shot at the X Division Title. He brings up their history from the Elk's Lodge in Queens in 2001 and says Homicide and Da Hit Squad (!) aren't backing him up anymore, but he has a billion people on his side here in India. Dutt extends his hand, Low Ki takes his glove off and shakes Dutt's hand, and we have an X Division title match coming up next week!

Swoggle cuts a promo accusing Spud of being 45 and trying to look like he's 22, and says

Davey Richards vs Some Indian Guy

I have no idea who this guy is that Davey is wrestling, but Davey hammers the crap out of him with kicks, then counters a sunset flip to a stomp to the face. Some Indian Guy tosses Davey to the floor and tries a slingshot crossbody, but Davey sidesteps and SIG goes splat on the floor. Davey tries to sit the guy on the top rope for a back suplex, and he doesn't seem to realize how he's supposed to situate himself, so he fights Davey off and goes for a sloppy moonsault and misses. Davey punts his face off and gets the anklelock, and Some Indian Guy taps out.

Winner: Davey Richards

Davey stands on Some Indian Guy's face and points at the crowd, then walks to the back. Ethan Carter III comes out while Davey is making his exit and ignores Davey, who glares at him warily before continuing to the back. EC3 has a leather belt in his hand, and he uses it to lash the CRAP out of poor Some Indian Guy. Some Indian Guy says screw this and rolls out to the floor just as James Storm runs out to attack EC3. EC3 heads for the hills and Storm points and yells at him.

Eli Drake is backstage with Bruce Prichard and protesting last week's decision loss to Moose. He says he knows Bruce Prichard has a problem with him, and Bruce denies it, and Chris Adonis comes in to calm Drake down and say that Eli is trying to say that they deserve the shots at Lashley and Patron. Bruce says he'll think about it, and Drake says to think long and hard.

A bunch of people in talk about the Impact Wrestling Hall of Fame and how they hope one day they get to be inducted as well.

We go to Borash and Josh, and Josh says he's going to have a sparring session next week where he'll demonstrate what he's going to do to Borash at Slammiversary.

Swoggle chases Spud out from the back and into the crowd, where a referee is trying to stay between them. Spud escapes to ringside and back up the apron, flipping everyone off along the way.

Oh, this is what I was waiting for: the story of Mahabali Shera. It's a video package of him talking about how much Indians love cricket, and then we meet Mahabali's father and brother. I honestly can't make out barely anything he says other than "THIS A BIG DEAL, RIGHT?"

We see a video of Joseph Park coming into the Impact corporate offices and plugging the Slammiversary PPV to the receptionist on his way in. He comes into the editing room and grabs Borash, tells him that his grandfather fought George Hackenschmidt in a bare knuckle fight, and that they need to go train now.

Hey, guess which of the big title matches goes on first?

Impact Wrestling World Title Match: Bobby Lashley vs Moose

Moose is, of course, already the Grand Champion and now has the chance to become a double champion. They tie up, nobody gets an advantage. Lashley takes Moose down with a shoulderblock, but Moose kips up and dropkicks Lashley before unloading with chops in the corner. Moose with a bicycle kick, but Lashley pops him over with a German suplex and Moose rolls to the floor. Lashley goes out after him and smashes his face into the ring apron, then whips him into the guardrail. Back into the ring where Lashley continues the assault and gets Moose in a chinlock. Moose fights his way out and dropkicks Lashley to the floor when he goes to the second rope, he goes for a dive, but Lashley moves and Moose lands on the apron, but Lashley yanks his feet out from under him and lands face first on the ring apron as we go to commercial.

We're back, and Lashley is still unloading on Moose. He goes up for corner punchesd, but I bet Moose is gonna powerbomb him. Yep, Moose powerbombs him. Then he hits a senton and nearly kills himself hitting a moonsault out of the corner for 2. Moose with a series of corner charges and then a delayed corner dropkick when Lashley collapses. Nice! Lashley dodges a corner charge and turns Moose inside out with a clothesline, but then Moose connects with a big spear and covers Lashley...but only gets 2. Moose goes to the top rope, but Lashley hits a superplex and covers for 2. Moose follows that up with Go To Hell (a sitout chokeslam) for 2, then he goes for the Gamechanger, but Lashley ducks and hits a spear for the win.

Winner: Bobby Lashley

Okay, so Lashley retains, let's see later if the challenger for Slammiversary changes AGAIN.

We see the opening of the LAX video (don't Latino gang members ever drive during the day?) and then we go to the LAX clubhouse where Konnan says he's ecstatic that they're now double champions. Homicide says he can find belts like this at the pawn shop, and then they have beer.

We see Spud getting lost somewhere in Mumbai, then we go back to the ring...

Knockouts Title Match: Rosemary vs Laurel Van Ness

Laurel tries to get the jump on Rosemary, but that backfires until Sienna drags Rosemary out to the floor and works her over. Laurel hits a running boot when she comes back into the ring and stomps her down, then goes running around the ring screaming. Rosemary does a zombie situp and mounts a furious comeback, hitting a Stinger Splash and a t-bone suplex for 2. Rosemary with a rollup for the win.

Winner: Rosemary

Short, but did the job. Sienna runs in and backjumps Rosemary after the match, but here comes Allie with a kendo stick and attacks Sienna and Laurel, but they overwhelm her...until Rosemary comes to and uses the stick to chase Sienna and Laurel off. Rosemary and Allie have an uncomfortable staredown until Rosemary drops the kendo stick in front of her and bows before grabbing her belt and leaving.

Bruce Prichard is backstage, and KM comes in to ask if Bruce picked an opponent for Patron yet. Bruce says it is, and KM says it's him right, but Bruce says no. KM says he's the #1 contender and undefeated, but Bruce says he's not undefeated or the #1 contender. KM insists he is, but Bruce says he's not, so KM asks Bruce if he's calling him a liar. Bruce says he's not calling him a liar, but he's also not calling him the #1 contender. We'll find out who is...NEXT!

Another video package of Park and Borash training for Slammiversary, and when Joseph Park is your workout instructor, you know you're in bad shape. They work out in the gym, then Park makes Borash jump into the pool. Okay. Back to the announcers as they hype next week, especially Josh plugging his public sparring session and daring Borash to hit him.

And with that...IT'S MAIN EVENT TIME!

GFW Global Title Match: Alberto El Patron vs Chris Adonis

Adonis backjumps Patron and puts the boots to him, and Patron rolls out to the floor. Adonis follows him out, and they brawl into the crowd where Patron works him over on the stairs, then they head back to ringside and into the ring. Alberto goes for a rope straddle, but Adonis moves and Alberto sails through the ropes and to the apron. Adonis gets the Adonis Lock, but Patron is on the apron and it's not a legal hold. Adonis releases and Patron drops to the floor as we go to commercial.

We're back and Drake is razzing the fans while Adonis maintains control over El Patron. Patron finally returns fire and knocks Adonis to the floor, but Adonis makes it back in and Patron takes the advantage with a series of clotheslines. Adonis dodges the superkick and hits a spinebuster for 2. El Patron hits the divorce court to the arm, hits the superkick to Adonis, and covers for 2. Adonis sits Alberto on the top rope, Alberto fights him off and comes off the top, but Adonis catches him and counters to a Sky High for 2. Adonis goes for the Adonis Lock again, but Alberto gets out, sits Adonis on the middle rope, and double stomps him for the win.

Winner: Alberto El Patron

Great main event! Eli Drake uns in and attacks Alberto after the match and hammers him with right hands. Lashley comes out to the top of the ramp with a big smile on his face as Drake grabs the GFW belt and goes to hit Alberto with it, but then Moose runs in to make the save, and he and Alberto stare Lashley down as we call it a night.


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