Sienna is backstage with Laurel Van Ness, and is trying to get her to focus on tonight’s match. Rosemary is nobody’s friend, so Allie’s going to be on her own out there and she needs Laurel focused.
Okay, all heck breaks loose right at the bell, and of course, Davey and Eddie brawl out to the floor and go at it out there. Davey comes in and tries the handspring enziguiri, but Sutter catches him and hits a German suplex that sends Davey out to the floor where Eddie wipes him out with a dive. Okay, we’re just doing the usual X Division “everyone takes turns doing spots” stuff. So much for last week’s workrate. Suicide hits a dive to the floor onto all the guys who are nice enough to stand around waiting to catch him. We’re at commercial.
We’re back just in time for Trevor Lee to roll Sutter up with a handful of tights and pin him.
Braxton Sutter is eliminated.
Davey and Trevor are now working together, and beat up on Suicide until Eddie comes in and cleans house on both of them. Eddie tries a corner charge, Davey moves out of the way, and Eddie SAILS into the post and hits hard on the floor. His involvement, however, gave Suicide enough time to recover and mount a rampage of his own…until Trevor hits a leaping double stomp on Suicide and pins him now.
Suicide is eliminated.
Eddie is back in and so is Sydal, but Eddie quickly comes out on top, knocks Davey to the floor, and goes for a dive…but Davey grabs a chair and throws it in Eddie’s face as he comes through the ropes. The referee sees that and disqualifies him.
Davey Richards is eliminated.
Davey sits Eddie in a chair at ringside, goes up the ramp, and tries to charge in and crack a chair over his head, but Eddie nails him coming in and gives him a fisherman’s buster on the chair he was sitting on. Even though he did that to someone who was a non-participant by that time, the referee decides to disqualify him too.
Eddie Edwards is eliminated.
We’re back at commercial!
We’re back from commercial. Sydal hits a standing moonsault for 2, then Trevor goes to the top rope and Sydal hits the standing super Frankensteiner for another 2. Trevor with a leaping forearm for 2, he goes for God’s Last Gift, but Sydal gets out, kicks Lee in the face, then goes to the top for the shooting star press…and connects! That’s enough to get 3.
Winner: Matt Sydal
Pretty typical X Division stuff, which doesn’t tickle me much, but I like Sydal and am happy to see him get the win. The same parade of executives from last week comes out to give him the trophy.
Rockstar Spud is walking the streets of Mumbai and finds Rockstar Spud eating with Indian people. I hope he doesn’t get a stomach worm from that. They are about t ofight when an Indian midget (I didn’t know they had those there!) breaks them up.
Allie is standing around talking to herself and trying to believe that Rosemary will show up and she won’t be left alone again.
We go to Joseph Park and Jeremy Borash, and Park is not feeling positive about their chances at Slammiversary (even when Borash offers to make him an oven pizza), but Borash knows he’s a fighter, and the same way we didn’t just take it when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor, and just like the company didn’t crumple when they made Josh Mathews the lead announcer, they’re going to fight and win at Slammiversary!
Sienna & Laurel Van Ness vs Allie & Rosemary
Oh wait, Rosemary doesn’t show up, so Sienna and Laurel go up the ramp after Allie…but Rosemary comes out from under the ring, charges up the ramp, and clotheslines both Laurel and Sienna. Everyone heads to the ring, and we’re off! Sienna clips Rosemary’s knee and stomps a mudhole in Rosemary’s face in the corner. Rosemary gets away and makes the hot tag to Allie, who cleans house on Laurel Van Ness. KM comes out with a kendo stick, Braxton Sutter comes out to neutralize him, but that distracts Rosemary long enough for Sienna to plant her in the mat with a German suplex. Laurel hits a leaping curb stomp to Rosemary, Sienna makes the cover, and that’s three.
Winners: Sienna & Laurel Van Ness
The announcers point out that this is the first time Rosemary has been pinned in Impact, and I don’t know that that’s true, but there you go. Rosemary and Sienna face off at Slammiversary to unify the women’s titles.
We see Sonjay cruising the streets of Mumbai with the X Division Title, then we’re off to the LAX clubhouse, where they’re getting ready to take over little independent companies around the Orlando area. We see them do run-ins at a show somewhere and hold up the promoter for his money.
Back to the arena, where Jeremy Borash introduces Mahabali Shera and Sonjay Dutt, who are accompanied by a musical dancing troupe. Sonjay thanks the fans for being a part of him winning his first X Division Title, and he promises to be the greatest X Division Champion who ever lived. Shera just stands there silently, which is probably better for everyone. Low Ki comes out to congratulate him, and he’s not one for excuses, but he thinks Sonjay had more than a little luck on his side on that one, but luck or not, Sonjay got the win, and congratulations for that. Low Ki thinks that belt belongs around his waist, so since he gave Sonjay a match upon request, he thinks it’s only fair that Sonjay does the same for him. Sonjay says he’ll do that, they can do it at Slammiversary, and they can make it 2 out of 3 falls. He knows what a competitor Low Ki is, so they can do this on the 15th anniversary of this company they both helped pioneer. They shake hands, but Low Ki suckerpunches Sonjay, then lays Shera out as well before going back to beating Sonjay up. Low Ki goes to the top and hits the Warrior’s Way on Shera, and DAMN did he drill him! Low Ki goes up to deliver one to Sonjay, but Matt Sydal comes in to stop him. Low Ki backs off and has a staredown with Sonjay as we go to commercial.
KM vs Mahabali Shera
Shera is still laid out from the attack by Low Ki, so KM rolls him into the ring and covers…but Shera is out at 2. KM whips Shera hard into the corner, then slams him and goes for a slingshot splash, but Shera moves out of the way. He hits his sky high finisher so badly that KM lands on his ass and almost flops forward over Shera. Thankfully, KM was able to flop himself backward so Shera could pin him.
Winner: Mahabali Shera
No time to celebrate, here comes Kongo Kong! Shera tries to fight, but KM turns him inside out with a pump handle slam, and then Kong comes off the top rope with a splash. OOOOOOH, ARE THEY WRITING SHERA OUT WITH AN INJURY ANGLE? YAY!!!
We finally get the Rocky-style training video montage with Jeremy Borash and Joseph Park, climaxing with Park hitting a cannonball into the pool on JB. They’re ready for Slammiversary!
Eli Drake and Chris Adonis come out to run Moose down for sticking his nose into their business, and they say how much they’d hate it if Moose picked Bruce Prichard since they’re such great buddies, but they want Moose to come out here. They’re not looking for a fight, they just want Moose to come out and look them in the eye…oh wait, here he comes. He admits he doesn’t have a partner for Slammiversary in that locker room…because his partner for Slammiversary is NFL superstar DeAngelo Williams. We see another video package of DeAngelo training, and Moose is getting his ass kicked when we come back. Sure, why wouldn’t they attack him while he’s distracted? I was a fan of that, and also that the show didn’t wait for the video to finish before continuing with the action.
E-Singh-3, Bobby Lashley, James Storm, and Alberto El Patron are out back, and they’re…PROBABLY CONTRACTING DYSENTERY! Get inside where the mosquitos (hopefully) can’t get you guys! The main event is up next!
Okay, we’re back and it’s…MAIN EVENT TIME!
Bobby Lashley & E Singh 3 vs James Storm & Alberto El Patron
Heels stall like crazy to start, then finally Lashley jumps Storm to start and briefly holds the advantage before Storm mounts a comeback. Lashley ditches to his corner and tags in E Singh 3, who goes face to face with Alberto El Patron, who quickly smacks the crap out of EC3. Patron backdrops EC3 to the apron and dropkicks him to the floor, then sidesteps a charge from Lashley and sends him to the floor, then he backdrops Storm onto both men as we go to commercial.
We’re back, and Alberto is in trouble in the heel corner. He dodgtes a Lashley charge, but EC3 tags in and waylays Alberto. EC3 and Alberto take each other out with a double clothesline, and Storm and Lashley tag in. Storm cleans house and then gets EC3’s leather strap, EC3 begs off, but it’s ap loy for Lashley to blindside Storm and pitch him out to the floor. Lashley distracts Alberto while EC3 rams Storm into the barricade. Back into the ring where Lashley hits a delayed vertical suplex for 2. Now Storm is in peril and takes a beating for several minutes. Lashley pops him up into a powerslam for 2, then EC3 tags himself in…by slapping Lashley in the face. EC3 goes for the Stinger Splash, but Storm gets the boot up and hits a tornado DDT. Storm goes for the hot tag, almost goes to the Lashley corner, then turns around and gets to Alberto, who comes in and cleans house on EC3. Tilt-a-whirl backbreaker followed by a dropkick in the corner for 2. Lashley tags himself in and hits a neckbreaker on Alberto. Lashley goes for a powerslam, but Alberto slips out the back and hits a lungblower for 2. Storm puts EC3 on the top rope, Alberto gets the strap and lashes EC3 (and doesn’t get disqualified for some reason) and then they go for a double superplex, but Lashley comes in and powerbombs both men, inadvertently (or possibly advertently) forcing his partner to get superplexerd in the process. Lashley goes for the spear, Alberto leapfrogs, Storm superkicks Lashley, Alberto superkicks Lashley, then Alberto gets the cross armbreaker…and EC3 breaks it up. EC3 gets the strap and Borash says he better not use it or he’ll be disqualified. I guess that’s just if the ref feels like it given the inconsistent calls tonight, but EC3 decides the hell with it and lashes the ref in the ribs. Another ref (who got to the ring in record time somehow) pops his head in the ring, yells at EC3, and calls for the bell.
Winners by DQ: James Storm & Alberto El Patron
The fight continues after the match, Storm and EC3 brawling to the back while Alberto and Lashley go at it on the ramp. Lashley heads for the hills, so Alberto grabs both belts and celebrates in the crowd to close the show.
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