Thursday, August 30, 2018

Impact Wrestling Results - August 30, 2018

Impact Wrestling Results - August 30, 2018
We hit the opening video running down tonight's top matches, then we head to the ring for our opening match...

X Division Title Match: Brian Cage vs Fenix

Cage gets an early advantage powering Fenix around and hitting him with a 619 followed by a hard clothesline.  Fenix rolls to the apron, so Cage stands on the second rope and deadlift superplexes him back into the ring.  Cage picks Fenix up and does curls with him, then casually tosses him across the ring.  Cage charges into the corner, fenix dodges and connects with a superkick, then comes off the top rope...and gets caught and planted with a twisting sidewalk slam for 2.  Cage hammers Fenix with forearms on the mat, then sets him and goes for the roaring clothesline, but Fenix sees it coming and superkicks his way free.  He takes a charge, but Cage sidesteps and sends Fenix sailing over the top rope and onto the entry ramp, landing with a thud.  Fenix flippy dips over Cage into the ring, hits a leaping enziguiri, then a rolling Ace Crusher on the ramp.  Cage rolls to the floor, so Fenix comes running off the ramp with a double stomp to Cage's back.  Into the ring we go, as Fenix comes off the top with a springboard swanton, but he's too tired to make an immediate cover, and only gets 2 when he drags himself on top of Cage.  Pentagon Jr is on the outside looking like a polygon as a quick back and forth leads to Cage superkicking Fenix into next week and hitting a wrist clutch Burning Hammer for 2.  Fenix counters Weapon X to a sunset flip for 2, then unloads with a flurry of strikes on Cage.  Fenix with a slingshot monkey flip into a double stomp for 2.  Fenix tries a springboard headscissors, but gets caught and countered to an F5 for 2.  Cage tries the deadlift superplex to the floor, but Fenix gets out, unloads with a flurry of kicks to send Cage to the floor, then dives through the ropes at top speed, Cage CATCHES HIM IN A VERTICAL SUPLEX POSITION, and drops him on the floor.  WOW!  We're at commercial.

We're back, and Cage is still in control, covering Fenix for 2.  Cage goes to the second rope, Fenix catches him with a palm strike, Cage catches him with a back elbow and goes back to the second rope, Fenix catches him with a step up spinkick, and Cage comes off the second rope with a tornado DDT, and both men are down.  This match is awesome.  Cage slumps Fenix into the corner, then goes up top for something, Fenix pops up and hits a Guile kick, superkicks Cage in the face, Cage blocks a springboard Spanish Fly, deadlifts Fenix to the top by the head, and plants him in the mat with a super powerbomb.

Winner: Brian Cage

That was a terrific opener, and a hell of a match!  Cage and Fenix KILLED it out there.  See what happens when you don't do lego spots in a serious match?  Speaking of which, oVe runs past Cage to attack the Lucha Brothers, and Cage starts to head to the ring, turns and starts walking to the back, then stops and runs back to the ring, flattens both Crists, and rips Sami Callihan's head off with a roaring lariat.  Jake Crist connects with a couple of superkicks, but Cage plants him with a Drill Claw.  He goes for another one on Sami, but Dave Crist pulls Sami out to the floor before he can hit it.  Cage and the Lucha Brothers stand tall in the ring as oVe scurries for cover.

Josh and Don are at ringside to talk about stuff, then we go to a video package of the history between Crazy Eddie Edwards and Austin Aries.

Bobo pulls up to the building, but the old guy working security won't let him in until Scarlett Bordeaux gets out of the back seat with her smoke and music and whispers sweet nothings to him, stunning him so much that he frantically tells the guy working the gate to open it and let them through.

The Global Wrestling Network takes us back to Drew Galloway's Impact debut years ago, then Josh informs us that Richie is going to be okay after getting run over by the OGz.  We then go to the OGz clubhouse, where Kingston says Richie is in a war zone, and became a casualty of war.  He tells Hernandez not to get soft on him now, because things are heading down the home stretch now.  The phone rings, Kingston answers hesitantly, then hangs up and vehemently tells Homicide and Hernandez not to make a move until he gives the green light.

We see a video package of the history between Su Yung, Allie, and Tessa Blanchard, then we go to Alicia with Tessa Blanchard, who says she's been under pressure her whole life to live up to the accomplishments of her grandfather, stepfather, and father.  Being a great athlete or in a title match might be enough for some people, but being a Blanchard, that's not enough unless you have something to show for it, and that means taking home the gold.  So tonight with everyone watching it, she's going to go out there and take it...for herself.

Eli Drake comes out to the ring to talk to the dummies, YEAH.  The crowd is chanting "Dummies, YEAH!" Drake says he's had a couple of Malteses following him around looking for a treat, but that the undeniable kevorka of Eli Drake.  He watched what happened last week and they lost, so now he wants to bring the fine gentlemen who beat them down here right now.  The crowd chants "Who are you?" and Drake says, "Let's find out."  He asks them their names, and tells the fans to cheer for the ohmetown boys.  Drake heard them backstage saying they're Impact superstars now, but Drake says not quite yet, because they have one more test first.  The crowd chants "They are dummies! YEAH!"  Drake says their next test is in the form of a former World Champion, Eli Drake, and now they have to decide which one of them will step up and take the challenge.  Mr. Atlantis steps up, so Drake says fine, then it'll be Tidwell.  Drake, in his street clothes, says fora ref to come out here and ring the bell...

Eli Drake vs Brandon Tidwell

Drake works Tidwell over with punches and hits the Gravy Train for the quick win.

Winner: Eli Drake

That was quick.  Atlantis gets in the ring to check on his partner, so Drake shakes the unconscious Tidwell's hand, then shakes Atlantis' hand...hoists him up on his shoulders, and plants him with the Gravy Train.  Drake casually puts his watch, shirt, and jacket back on before heading to the back, presumably for a nice slice of quiche.

Su Yung and the undead bridesmaids are backstage, and they're...CONVULSING!

Alicia is backstage with Eddie Edwards and Moose, who says Austin Aries made a mistake by sending him to the hospital with a concussion, and another one by messing with family, because just like always, he has Eddie's back.  Eddie says Aries has Killer Kross and that's fine, because he has a vision of cracking Austin Aries in the head with that stick, and with Moose by his side, he wouldn't have it any other way.

Knockouts Title Match: Su Yung vs Allie vs Tessa Blanchard

Three way brawl starts us off, and Allie gets the advantage and hits a double senton on both opponents for 2.  Allie ping pongs back and forth across the ring with corner clotheslines, then covers Su for 2.  Su goes to the eyes to floor Allie, then puts the boots to her while we see that Kiera Hogan is outside the ring for some reason.  Allie knocks Su off the apron, but the bridesmaids catch her and pop her right back onto the apron to stare Tessa down.  Allie unloads on both of them with forearms, then springboards off Tessa's back with another forearm that lays Su out on the apron.  Tessa catches Allie with an Ace Crusher for 2.  Tessa with an Indian deathlock on Allie, but Su comes in with a modified Royal Octopus hold on Tessa.  The submission convention breaks up, Su crawls up the corner and gets a headscissors on Allie, and she goes to the top rope but Tessa picks her up in a press slam and tosses her down onto the bridesmaids.  Allie goes after Tessa and suplexes her into the corner for 2.  Su is back in with the mandible claw on Tessa, Allie superkicks Tessa into next week, then Su gets the mandible claw on Allie.  Allie counters ot a lungblower, and Tessa quickly scoots in and rolls Allie up with a handful of tights for the win.

Winner and NEW Knockouts Champion: Tessa Blanchard

And so she has fulfilled her destiny.  Tessa Blanchard is the new Knockouts Champion, which means the daughters of two of the original Four Horsemen are currently World Women's Champions.  An interviewer catches up with Tessa coming through the curtain backstage, and she says she exposed Allie for everything she said she was, and she took Su's title and there isn't a damn thing she can do about it.  She is now the measuring stick, and if anyone wants to see how tough a diamond if, they can be her guest.

The Great Gama is backstage, and he is PISSED.  He beats up both members of the Desi Arnaz Hit Squad with a broom, then does it some more.  Okay.

Alicia is backstage with Austin Aries and Killer Kross, who says it's a long walk from here to the ring, and a lot of things can happen to someone on the way there.  Aries says a lot of things have happened, because their new alliance is turning everything upside down.  Nobody is safe, and Eddie Edwards found that out firsthand.  Luckily, his old friend Moose is back by his side, but last time Moose stuck his nose in his business, he put him in the hospital.  What does Moose think is going to happen now that he has Killer Kross by his side?  We're about to find out because he and Kross are changing Impact Wrestling, and there's nothing Eddie and Moose can do about it.

We're off to the LAX clubhouse, and Ortiz says it's not right what they did to Little Richie.  Santana says a kid with a future is laying up in a hospital, and Konnan says it was because Richie was celebrating their victory.  King doesn't care about the rules: no kids, no families.  Now Konnan's cell phone rings, and he picks it up and...hangs up and tells LAX not to make any moves until he says so.  Well, something's up.  Ortiz and Santana agree that something's not right, but Ortiz says they have to wait for a green light, and tells Santana to chill.  The plot thickens...

Grado, Katarina, and Joe Hendry make their way to the Smoke Show, and Scarlett Bordeaux comes and gives Katarina a kiss and calls her gorgeous.  Scarlett calls it a menage a trois, which sets Grado off, but Hendry says to calm down because he wrote some music that will explain everything.  Scarlett whispers a little something about women to Grado, and he gets so excited that he squeezes his water bottle and sends its contents shooting all over himself in symbolic fashion.  He runs off and Katarina wants to know what just happened, and Scarlett offers to give her some advice about men, but Katarina has some advice for her: don't come between her and her boys.  She storms off, and Scarlett goes, "I think I already did."

Petey Williams vs Rich Swann

Swan does his test of strength dance thing, and Petey laughs it off.  Quick back and forth ends with Petey hitting the hanging dropkick to the back.  Swann bails to the floor, then back into the ring, but falls victim to the slingshot lungblower from Petey for 2.  They go to the floor where Swann misses a dive off the apron as we go to commercial.

We're back as Petey hangs Swann in the corner and does the Oh Canada groin smash, but Swann quickly recovers and launches Williams across the ring with a flying headscissors.  Climbing enziguiri gets 2 for Swann.  Petey with an enziguiri of his own and a German suplex, followed by a Russian legsweep before preparing for the Canadian Destroyer.  Swann blocks it and hits a Norweigan enziguiri and a Bolivian double leg cradle.  Petey gets the Sharpshooter right in the middle of the ring, but Swann manages a Korean rope break.  Swann with a Somalian inside cradle for 2, followed by the Peruvian cradle driver.  He misses a Phoenix, Arizona splash, Petey gets a Kazakhi crucifix for 2, and Swann quickly follows up with a Romanian shooting star press for the win.

Winner: Rich Swann

Swann dances in victory after the match, and Petey looks frustrated.

We go to Josh and Don as they talk about stuff, then we go backstage to Swann, who just got a win over an X Division pioneer.  Now all he needs is a few more victories like that under his belt, and Matt Sydal comes in and says he can relate to wanting to be X Division Champion, but he doesn't think Swann gets what comes with being the X Division Champion.  Only someone like Sydal can help him navigate these waters, and he wants to help Swann open his third eye.  Swann says no disrespect, but he doesn't need Sydal's help.  Their conversation is interrupted by someone screaming for help, and the camera pans about five feet to the side, where Moose is laid out unconscious, and apparently neither Swann or Sydal noticed.  Oh, wrestling.

Well, we appear to be a participant short, but nonetheless...IT'S MAIN EVENT TIME!

Eddie Edwards vs Austin Aries & Killer Kross

Kross beats the tar out of Eddie and plants him with a spinebuster, then Aries tags in and covers for 2.  Eddie catches Aries with a back elbow, then pops him over with an overhead release suplex before drilling cross with a Yakuza kick.  Eddie takes another cheapshot at Kross, backdrops Aries to the apron, and shoves him off the apron into the barricade.  Eddie goes for the dive, but Kross catches him with a kneesmash as he comes through the ropes, and Aries quickly swoops in with the neckbreaker over the middle rope.  Eddie gets beat up for the next several moments until he hits a backpack driver on Aries.  There's nobody for him to tag, so he pulls Aries back from Kross, unloads on him with chops, drills Kross again, and plants Aries with a blue thunder bomb for 2.  Eddie dodges a charge and sends Kross to the floor, Aries nails him and goes for a brainbuster, but Eddie reverses to one of his own, and Aries rolls out to the floor.  Eddie hits the dive, but Kross comes out of nowhere, dumps Eddie with an exploder suplex on the floor, and rolls him back into the ring.  A crazed looking Aries picks Eddie up and goes for the brainbuster, Eddie slips out the back, knocks Kross off the apron again, and hits a Tiger driver on Aries.  Moose suddenly staggers out of the back with his head wrapped in a bandage and reaches for the tag, and Kross jumps off the apron when Aries goes for the tag.  Aries is stunned as Moose grabs him by the neck...then turns around and spears Eddie into next week.  Moose pulls the bandage off as Aries throws the referee out of the ring, and Moose mounts Eddie and hammers him with punches.  Why, this appears to have been a setup all along!  The fans helpfully inform Moose that he's sold out as he pitches Eddie out to the floor.  Aries has his henchmen haul Eddie to his feet, give him a chair necklace, and Kross holds Eddie against the ringpost so Moose can drill the chair with another chair.  Alisha Edwards comes out to check on Eddie, and goes off on Moose, slapping him in the face and everything.  He cocks his fist back...but stops short and does the Moose fist pump.  Guess we'll call this...

NO CONTEST

Aries and his crew celebrate their ruse as we call it a night.


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