We start off with out usual look back at last week, then we head back to Mexico City for the second week of our trip south of the border.
Jessicka Havok vs Su Yung
Su uses her speed to evade Havok briefly before Havok just breaks her in half with a uranage backbreaker, then drills her with a boot to the face. Havok chokes her in the corner with her boot before hitting a facewash or two. Sus dodges a legdrop and peppers Havok with a flurry of kicks and covers for 2. Su puts the dirty sock on and goes for the mandible claw, Havok blocks and chokeslams Su, then goes right into a Boston crab that Su quickly escapes by making it to the ropes. Su gets a palmstrike and yanks Havok into the corner by the skull, then gets a flying headscissors and gets the mandible claw. Havok makes it to the ropes, but Su dodges a charge and sends Havok to the floor. Su with a somersault dive off the apron, but Havok blocks a second attempt and counters by dropping Su face first onto the apron. Havok gets distracted by the referee who insists on her following rules and all that boring stuff, and she turns around right as Su mists Havok in the face.
Winner: Jessicka Havok by DQ
Havok is blinded as Su continues the assault, swinging where she thinks Su is and connecting with the ringpost instead. Su heads up the ramp as Havok is irate over being humiliated.
The North are backstage, and Page says they’ll be sayhing farewell to LAX forever tonight, but he also wants to thank them for the opportunity to take away what they love the most. Alexander says they put their careers on the line time after time, and they’ve known they’re the best team in the world for years, and now everyone is starting to respect them. The North is going to make sure everyone forgets LAX ever existed. Page says they brag over losing the title four times, because the North will only have one reign that will last forever.
We go to the oVe Cam where Sami says he’s in a good mood since they are getting exactly what they need, and if they don’t, they’re burning Impact to the ground. Brian Cage is coming to the ring tonight to find out whether he is getting stripped of the title or will get his ass kicked by the Draw, but before that, they’re going to watch Madman Fulton destroy Rob Van Dam, because they’re taking over everything.
Josh and Don talk about stuff, then they send us back to the ring…
Moose vs Fallah Bahh
Bahh goes right after Moose, hammering him with hard shots, Beell tossing him across the ring, and flattening him with a belly to belly suplex. Moose fires back with hard chops, but Bahh does NO NO NO and puts Moose down with a chop of his own before backdropping him across the ring. Moose surprises with a leap to the top rope followed by a bodypress, but Bahh is right up and turning Moose inside out with a clothesline followed by a crossbody that hits Moose like a truck. That gets 2, and he follows up with a Banzai Drop that somehow only gets 2. Moose dodges an avalanche and hits a spear for the win.
Winner: Moose
Short but super intense, these guys have great chemistry. Moose gets an anklelock after the match to send a message to Ken Shamrock.
Tessa Blanchard storms into Tommy Dreamer’s locker room and says she’s sick of this, and Dreamer says she needs to get her mind straight to get what she wants. Tessa says Sami and oVe are dead, and she asks Tommy if he’s with her or not. Dreamer says he’s with her, and she says she knew he would be.
Alisha is backstage telling Eddie Edwards that she would never cheat on him, and Eddie says he knows he gets carried away sometimes. Suddenly, some Mexican floozy comes in and tells Eddie last night was incredible and he’s hardcore. Alisha slaps Eddie and says she hates him before storming off, and then Ace Austin comes in and says this is unbelievable, and Eddie is a real piece of (doody).
TJ Perkins vs Golden Magic
They do some mat wrestling to start, then Golden Magic takes us into flippy dippy lucha land. Magic hits an Asai moonsault to the floor as we go to commercial.
We come back as TJ hangs Magic in the Tree of Woe and hits a corner dropkick. TJ with a slingshot senton for 2, but Magic hits a springboard enziguiri for 2. Magic goes for a Lionsault and ends up eating a dropkick from TJ in midair. TJ misses a top rope senton, and Magic connects with a springboard Ace Crusher, TJ rolls to the floor, and Magic goes for a twisty dive that he misses by a mile, but TJ is nice enough to sell it anyway. Magic with a twisting sunset flip for 2, another twisty flippy move that connects this time, and a twisting DDT for 2. TJ hits a tornado DDT that goes badly awry, then follows up with a brainbuster for 2. Magic puts TJ on the top rope and hits a springboard Frankensteiner for 2. TJ dropkicks Magic’s knees out and goes to the top, but Magic is up and hits TJ with a top rope moonsault powerslam for 2. Magiic goes to the top rope and misses a 450 splash, then TJ hits the Detonation Kick and gets the heel hook for the tapout win.
Winner: TJ Perkins
It was okay when they were wrestling, but that lucha stuff went way too far off the rails.
We see Ace paying off the hooker from earlier, then he acts like he’s turning down her advances when Alisha shows up. Ace says he can’t believe these people, then hustles Alisha off to get ready for her match.
We go to the Impact+ Moment of the Week, which is Sting facing AJ Styles long enough ago that AJ was clean cut.
Taya Valkyrie is backstage complaining to John E. Bravo and saying this should all be about her since she’s the longest reigning champion ever, but now Tenille is here, and all of Bravo’s ideas are garbage, so she’s going to go find someone else to talk to.
We see a video package of Johnny Swinger, who is in full 80s mode and promising to turn the territory around. He hits on a couple of girls on the street and speaks carny to them.
Jimmy Jacobs is backstage with Tenille Dashwood, whose promo is interrupted by Kiera Hogan and Madison Rayne, who as locker room leader, wants to introduce herself. Kiera says Tenille can move to the back of the line and wait for her turn. Tenille says she’ll take on anyone, and will start with the two of them. Madison says she has no problem standing up to Tenille, so she’ll be happy to let Kiera take care of her next week.
Madman Fulton vs Rob Van Dam
Methodical start as Fulton tries to overpower RVD, who uses his speed to outmaneuver Fulton until Fulton plows him into the corner and crushes his ribs with shoulderblocks. RVD with a flurry of offense that sends Fulton to the floor, where RVD takes him out with a somersault dive off the apron. Fulton responds by tripping RVD and snapping his neck onto the bottom rope. Fulton violently deadlifts RVD and chokeslams him, then picks RVD up for a swinging powerslam, but RVD counters to a crucifix bomb. Fulton goes for a chokeslam but RVD hits the stepover heel kick. RVD with a springboard thrust kick, then hits Rolling Thunder and goes for the Five Star Frogsplash, but Dave Crist shoves RVD off the top rope to cause a DQ.
Winner by DQ: Rob Van Dam
Crist and Fulton beat RVD up until RVD outmaneuvers them to knock Fulton to the floor and then hit the frogsplash on Crist.
Jimmy Jacobs is backstage knocking on Brian Cage’s door, and Melissa Santos answers and says he’ll get all his answers later tonight.
The Rascalz are in the treehouse and tensions rise and they start choking each other until Rich Swann and Willie Mack come in and get really high with them. They all decide to watch LAX vs The North and start dancing.
Back to the Deaner farm, where the Desi Hit Squad are haplessly muddling through things, and Gama tells the boys he has a plan. Later, Cody says they’ve been doing a great job and it’s time to head to the swimming pool. The pool is a lake where Gama gives Raju an Irish whip into the water. I have no idea what’s going on here.
Jordynne Grace is trying to find her way around the catacombs of the building and bumps into Rosemary, and asks her if she remembers when she told her to stay out of her business and she did? Well, she did, and now Jordynne is coming down here to tell Rosemary to leave her alone and says she doesn’t need her help. Rosemary thanks her for clearing that up, but her decisions come from the shadow, and she does what it tells her, and she would not be playing with her if it was up to her.
We go to the LAX clubhouse where Konnan says we’re at the point of no return. They’re not going to lose to those two hos, because they represent the latino nation. People look up to them, and they need to go back an inspiration. They’ve traveled the world and gone to jail together, and it’s time to prove why they’re the greatest of all time.
And with that, it’s MAIN EVENT TIME!
Impact World Tag Team Title Match: The North vs LAX
Santana and Alexander start us off, and Alexander pretty much dominates Santana until Ortiz gets in and they take him down with double teams as we go to commercial.
We’re back, and LAX is still double teaming Alexander until Page distracts Santana and allows Alexander to clip Santana’s knee. Ortiz and Page brawl on the floor while Alexander cranks on Santana’s knee with a leglock. Santana is on the receiving end of a beating from the North until rolling over Alexander and tagging Ortiz in to clean house. Santana comes in to superkick Alexander into a sunset flip by Ortiz for 2. Santana distracting the referee by trying to come in gives the North an opportunity to double team Ortiz and again take control of the match. Ortiz quickly breaks away and tags Santana in to clean house in his own right. The North goes for the Street Sweeper but that gets stopped, and LAX rallies and goes for the Street Sweeper, that gets blocked as well, and the North hit a series of double teams lead to the catapult into a spinebuster for the win.
Winners: The North
Well, that ended a lot more quickly and decisively than I thought it would. LAX is dejected at ringside as the North stand victorious. They head into the ring and slowly get to their feet to a round of applause from the crowd. Konnan holds their hands high and they have a group hug in the middle of the ring.
Josh and Don talk about stuff, then we head to the ring as Brian Cage comes to the ring to address the fans. Cage has Melissa Santos with him as he gets a microphone and says that his whole life, he tried to picture what it would be like to be World Champion, and after working hard for 14 years, he became the World Champion. He never imagined he’d be sidelined over and over as champion, and nobody’s more upset about that than anyone. He’s had one title defense, but the doctor said he should be cleared within six weeks, just in time for Bound For Glory. He knows management has a decision to make, but he walked into the office and said the only way the title leaves him is if someone takes it, and when he whoops Sami Callihan’s butt as Bound For Glory, he’ll be defending it again. The only positive that came out of all this is the time he got to spend at home with Melissa, and some things are more important than money and titles, and he’s thinking she’s right, because his title defense was only the second most important thing to happen tonight. Cage gets on one knee and proposes to Melissa, who of course says she’ll do it. They make out and parade around the ring showing off her new rock as we call it a week.
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