We start with our usual video package, then we head right to the ring for our opening match…
Kiera Hogan vs Jordynne Grace
Madison Rayne joins Josh and Don on commentary as the two start brawling right off the bat. Kiera gets Jordynne to the floor and tries a dive, but Jordynne catches her and hits an overhead release suplex on the outside. Jordynne tosses Kiera back into the ring, but a second dive attempt hits paydirt and Jordynne is in trouble. Kiera with a cover for 2 back inside, then hits a running butt avalanche on Jordynne for another 2. Attempted monkey flip by Kiera is countered to a sitout powerbomb, and the tide has turned! Jordynne starts just brutally bodyslamming Kiera, and hits the sickest twisting sitout Michinoku driver I’ve ever seen for 2. Kiera snaps Jordynne’s arm down on the ropes, then connects with a couple of running baseball slides in the corner. Kiera with a hanging neckbreaker, but Jordynne blocks and hits a Vader bomb for 2. Kiera with a quick superkick that sends Jordynne to the floor, but Jordynne catches her in an electric chair when she comes out to the apron, and just drops her backward onto the floor. The referee counts, Jordynne gets in, and Madison jumps up and helps Kiera into the ring right at 9. Jordynne gets a bridging O’Connor roll and gets the win anyway.
Winner: Jordynne Grace
Great opener, these girls can go and have great chemistry.
Madison heads to the back so Josh and Don can talk about stuff, then we see Brian Cage backstage saying Michael Elgin got the match he wanted at Slammiversary, and tonight, he got the match he wanted and he’s not coming back after he gets done with him.
Rosemary finds Taya Valkyrie and Johnny Bravo backstage, and she says that their contract expired at Slammiversary, so unless she’s planning on handing that title over to her, she’s not helping Taya anymore. Johnny offers to take care of this, and walks off.
Sami Callihan comes out to the ring and calls Tessa Blanchard out because he has something to get off his chest. Tessa obliges, and Sami says when he first heard he was wrestling Tessa at Slammiversary, he thought it would be a cakewalk, but in that match, Tessa showed that she has heart, spunk, and fire. The crowd starts chanting Tessa’s name as Sami talks about how they won the Mash Up Tournament and earned the right to face each other one more time to determine who will become #1 contender for the Impact World Title. He’s the type of guy to admit when he’s wrong, and he will admit he was wrong about Tessa Blanchard, and he should be seen as a hero because Tessa wanted equality and he gave it to her when nobody else in the locker room would, and they set the wrestling world on fire. This isn’t intergender wrestling, but it’s not, it’s just pro wrestling, so from one pro wrestler to another, he respects her, so he’ll do something he doesn’t do very often, and that’s shake her hand and show her the respect she deserves. Sami puts his left hand out and they shake, then he slaps her ass and says “I’ll see you there, toots.” That prompts Tessa to launch a completely unprovoked attack and lay Sami out with Magnum, then give Sami his own thumbs down.
oVe is backstage and Sami is demanding where they were when Tessa jumped him out there, and Dave reminds him that he said to stay in the back no matter what. Sami tells Tessa that he tried to show respect and treat her like an equal, but she decided to suckerpunch him, so if she wants to be a tough guy, she can face Madman Fulton next week.
Moose vs Ray Steele
Steele looks good for a guy who is over a hundred years old, but Moose changes that pretty quickly with a spear and pinfall in under a minute.
Winner: Moose
Moose gets a mic and says it looks like the only way to get attention from the company is by not being loyal to the company. He says to look at the last few World Champions and ask where they are now, and the answer is not here, but he’s the guy who’s been here and carried the company on his back and defended the company day in and day out. He beat Rob Van Dam at Slammiversary, but he’s not even in the contender conversation, and got stuck in this scrub match. He asks if anyone really thinks this guy had a chance against him, then Moose goes out to the floor and powerbombs Steele on the apron to put an exclamation point on his statement.
Johnny Bravo finds Jessicka Havok in the catacombs of the building, and says she’s not getting a shot at Taya’s title on his watch. He says they can do this the hard way or the fun way, indicating his sleek and sexy chest. Havok grabs him by the throat and tosses him into some crates, and Bravo scurries off and says it looks like we’re doing this the hard way.
We see a video package showing the recent tumult in the tag team division, then we go to the Rascalz’ treehouse where they talk about their tag title shot next week. Gail Kim comes by to talk about the Jonas Brothers.
We go to the Impact Plus Moment of the Week, which is James Storm vs Bobby Roode from Bound For Glory 2012. Has it really been that long? Damn.
Melissa Santos is backstage with Kiera Hogan, who is joined by Madison Rayne, who asks her how it feels to be a loser. Kiera says she should tell her since she hasn’t won a match since 2011. Melissa decides to take a walk instead of getting in the middle of this one, and we’re at commercial.
Ace Austin is backstage hitting on Alisha Edwards, who blows off his lame magic tricks.
Willie Mack vs Rob Van Dam
Quick exchange at the beginning results in Willie eating a spinkick. We go to the mat and then back up where Willie floors RVD with a leg lariat of his own and then mocks RVD’s shoulder pointing gimmick. Another fast paced back and forth ends in a stalemate. Tempers start to flare and now we’re trading forearms, then RVD slides under the bottom rope, drags Willie to the floor, and connects with a kick to the skull that drops Willie like a rock. RVD whips Mack into the post, then comes off the apron with a somersault senton. RVD tries a charge, but Mack pops him up and drills him with a hard forearm. Mack retains control in the ring, crushing RVD with a corner cannonball, followed by a Samoan drop, kick up, and a standing moonsault for 2. RVD with a quick kick to Mack’s face to drop him, but Mack gets the knees up on the split legged moonsault and hits a lungblower for 2. RVD with a springboard thrust kick, then a top rope somersault senton, and a cover for 2. RVD with a series of clotheslines and then Rolling Thunder, but Mack counters a lax cover to a crucifix for 2, followed by a snap Ace Crusher. Mack with a t-bone suplex, then he heads to the top for a five star frogsplash, but RVD rolls out of the way and gets a rolling leg cradle for 2, followed by a stepover leg lariat. RVD hits the five star frogsplash and gets the win.
Winner: Rob Van Dam
Good match, Mack looked awesome and competitive throughout. Sportsmanlike handshake after the match.
Ace Austin tries again with Alisha Edwards, and I can’t believe I’m writing this, but he’s trying the dick-in-a-box trick with her. That adventurer guy comes by and tries to rescue the “bird” Ace claimed was in his box, reaching in and grabbing it and noting how malnourished it seems. Comedy gold, huh?
We go to the LAX clubhouse where Ortiz says he has a lot on his mind because the North took out Santana’s knee. Ortiz is getting liquored up and says he’s got this by himself, but Konnan slows him down and says he has this covered like a carseat. Daga is going to take Santana’s place, but Ortiz says Daga isn’t what he needs, because he needs a pitbull. Daga says he’ll show Ortiz, but Ortiz says no, HE has got this.
Rich Swann is backstage, and he’s…PUTTING HIS SHADES ON! He’ll defend his X Division Title…NEXT!
Melissa Santos is backstage with Michael Elgin, who is scared of what he mnight do tonight, and Brian Cage is scared too, and that’s why this match is non-title. Cage is a machine, but the machine keeps breaking down because of him.
X Division Title Match: Rich Swann vs Jake Crist
Mat wrestling sequence to start us off, as Jake tries to ground Swann to prevent him from using his speed and high-flying repertoire to his advantage. That changes when Swann ditches Jake to the floor and takes him out with a twisting dive. Dave Crist tries to blindside Swann, and Swann fights him off, but the distraction allows Jake to catch Swann with a tornado DDT to the floor as we go to commercial.
Jake is still in control as we come back, tying Swann up in a submission hold I honestly can’t name or even begin to describe, but it’s cool. Swann finally gets free and starts firing back with a flurry of strikes, finishing with a hard kick to the head for 2. Jake catches Swann on a leapfrog and counters to a death valley driver for 2. Jake powerslams Swann into the corner for another 2. Swann catches Jake with a spinning enziguiri that floors him, then he comes off the top rope with a picture perfect elbow for 2. Jake hits a superplex, rolls through, and hits a spinning neckbreaker for 2. Great sequence. Jake goes to the second rope, Swann catches him with a leaping Frankensteiner, then hits a second rope phoenix splash. He makes a cover, but Dave puts his brother’s foot on the bottom rope at 2. Dave winds up in the ring, Swann takes them both out with a stereo Lethal Injection, then he goes to the top and…gets shoved off by Madman Fulton, who shows up out of nowhere. Jake hits a modified Sliced Bread #2, and makes the cover for 3.
Winner and NEW X Division Champion: Jake Crist
Great match, and surprising finish.
Jake Crist is backstage celebrating that he did it, but Sami says they did it. Jake can’t believe that he beat Rich Swann for the X Division Title, and casually drops that Sami couldn’t, and says maybe his new nickname should be the Golden Draw.
Josh and Don talk about stuff, and then…IT’S MAIN EVENT TIME!
Well, that was the plan, anyway. What we get is Brian Cage crawling through the curtain, and Michael Elgin following him out with chair in hand. Elgin bashes him over the back, and continues giving Cage a chair massage on his way to the ring. Elgin dumps Cage into the ring and follows him in with the chair. He stands over Cage and chokes him with the chair and grabs a mic. He says that this being non-title just proves that everything he said about him is true. Elgin asks if a real machine lays down like this and won’t put his title on the line, then says this being non-title means the only thing for him tonight is to destroy Cage’s back again. Elgin gets another chair and uses it to give Cage a one-man conchairto. Security tries to run in, but Elgin destroys all of them too. He skee balls them all out of the ring one by one, then sets up a chair, sticks Cage’s head through the back of the chair, and…Melissa Santos runs out and begs Elgin to stop beating Brian up. The masked man from Slammiversary tries to run in and help, but Elgin bashes him in the head and drops him. A second masked man runs in, takes the mask off and reveals himself to be Rhino, and he gores Elgin. He reveals that he’s wearing an Impact Wrestling shirt as he cleebrates in the crowd, and now we call it a week.
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