Thursday, May 31, 2018

Impact Wrestling Results - May 31, 2018

Impact Wrestling Results - May 31, 2018
The show opens with Sonjay Dutt giving the roster a pep talk and saying they're doing everything they can to stop the attacks.  Caleb Konley isn't having it, and points out that nobody in the office is getting jumped, and Sonjay asks what he's insinuating, but Petey Williams stands up and says he's known Sonjay a long time, and beleives him when he says something.  If whoever is behind the attacks is in the locker room, they'll find out who it is and will take care of them.

We see a video package hyping tonight's big matches, then we head to the ring for our opening match...

Eli Drake vs Scott Steiner

The fans chant "you both suck" at both of them as Steiner powers Drake backward into the corner.  He breaks clean and they start arguing before Drake maneuvers Steiner into the corner, then ducks between the ropes to force some space.  Steiner catches him coming back in and hits the overhead release suplex, sending Drake out to the floor.  Drake snaps Steiner's neck down on the top rope, then slingshots in with a shoulderblock that floors the former WCW World Champion.  Drake pops Steiner up for a running powerslam, but misses an elbowdrop and eats a clothesline and Steiner elbowdrop for 2.  They wind up on the floor where Drake tries to whip Steiner into the barricade, but gets reversed, and Drake goes crashing into the rail instead.  Drake slips out behind Steiner and rams him into the ringpost, then grabs a chair and swings it at Steiner, who put a boot in his midsection and rolls him back into the ring.  Drake comes off the second rope and Steiner catches and suplexes him.  Steiner suplexes him again for 2.  Steiner with a flatliner, Drake takes him down and tries a Lionsault, but Steiner rolls out of the way and goes for the Recliner.  Drake goes to the ropes, then picks Steiner up in an electric chair, drops him, Drake charges and leaps over Steiner to the apron (I guess he forgot to backdrop him), and he goes to the floor, picking the chair up and bashing Steiner in the head when the ref isn't looking.  Drake rolls into the ring and covers Steiner for 3.

Winner: Eli Drake

Steiner looked TERRIBLE here, like even beyond the usual "he's almost 60" kind of rusty, and more like "he seems to have forgotten how to wrestle" kind.  YEESH.

We go to Josh and Don, who talk about stuff.  Then we go to a video package hyping our next match...

Tessa Blanchard vs Madison Rayne

Tessa piefaces Madison, who fires back with a flurry of forearms and a flying headscissors.  Madison with a fireman's carry into a rolling cradle for 2, then a rolling leg cradle for another 2.  Madison dodges a corner charge, Rocker slides under Tessa, and runs right into a tilt-a-whirl slam from Tessa.  Tessa with a series of short clotheslines, then mounts Madison and unloads a flurry of right hands into her face.  Tessa with more hard forearms and kneestrikes, then whips Madison hard into the middle rope.  Tessa charges in with a back elbow, Madison dodges, and Tessa crashes into the bare ring rope.  Madison with more forearms, but Tessa just yanks Madison to the mat, then slumps Madison over the middle rope and comes in with a running dropkick.  Tessa nearly cranks Madison's head off with a rear chinlock, but Madison gets out and fires off more shots, and this time she whips Tessa hard into the corner and connects with a clothesline.  Madison with a sliding lariat for 2.  Madison with a northern lights suplex for 2, then she goes to the second rope, but gets nailed by Tessa, who hits a hanging flatliner for 2.  Tessa says something to the referee that gets bleeped out, then she goes for her DDT but takes too long, and Madison rolls Tessa up for a quick win.

Winner: Madison Rayne

Well, that was unexpected!  I always say you never know which Madison is going to show up for a given match, but this time we DEFINITELY got the Madison who is on her game.  Great match.

LAX is playing Go Fish in the clubhouse (yes, really) when Eddie Kingston comes in with a briefcase and opens it to show them what the king has for them.  They're impressed, and he has something even better: two beautiful pieces of ass.  His words.  Two ladies come in and one gives Santana a massage while the other sits on Ortiz's lap and combs his hair with his pick.  Kingston has two more pieces of ass for him: Trevor Lee and Caleb Konley, and he better get revenge for disrespecting them.

We see a couple more video packages, then time for our next match...

Brian Cage vs Desmond Xavier

Xavier starts with a go behind, then tries to use his speed to maneuver around Cage and hit and run.  Xavier connects with a couple of dropkicks that send Cage out to the floor, then springboards off the steps and dropkicks Cage into the barricade.  Cage finally has enough, picking Xavier up and giving him an F5 onto the ring apron.  They head back in where Cage hits a charging forearm in the corner, then hits a Beell throw that nearly sends Xavier out the opposite side of the ring.  BIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIG back bodydrop by Cage and then another Beell, but Xavier lands on his feet.  He tries a tornado DDT, but Cage literally blocks the move, butterflies Xavier's arms, and suplexes him across the ring again.  Xavier dodges another charge and tries a rollup, Cage blocks, but Xavier drills Cage with more quick shots and a twisting enziguiri.  Dropkick sends Cage to the floor, then Xavier hits a space flying tiger drop to the floor.  Back in the ring, Xavier hits a double kneedrop to the back of Cage's head and then comes off the top with the Spiral Tap, but Cage powers out at 1!  Xavier is in shock, and Cage catches him in midair, flops him over the knee with a backbreaker, then hits the Drill Claw for the win.

Winner: Brian Cage

Really good match!  Brian Cage is awesome, and they had a really good big man-little man match.  Cage hauls Xavier back to his feet to shake his hand after the match, and now he'll challenge Matt Sydal for the X Division Title.

Su Yung and her bridesmaids are backstage, and they're...CONVULSING!  Allie is also backstage, and she's...FRETTING!  They'll face off for the Knockouts Title after this break!

McKenzie is backstage with Austin Aries, who has been on a mission to travel the world, collect belts, bridge gaps, and take over the industry.  Pentagon took one of his titles away, but he was a double champion, and unless he beats Aries one-on-one, he can't call him a champion.  The man makes the belt, and people remember what this place was like before he came back and breathed life into this place, and he's not done yet.  Tonight, it's mano y mano, no brother by his side, and we'll find out if Pentagon has what it really takes to be the face of Impact Wrestling and be the one true World Champion of this company.  Aries thinks they both know he doesn't, and he may have no fear, but by the end of tonight, he'll have no title.

We see a video package hyping our next match...

Knockouts Title Casket Match: Allie vs Su Yung

Allie comes out dressed like Rosemary and does her scream during her entrance, apparently drawing on her fallen friend's power.  Su Yung looks surprised and disturbed at Allie's appearance, and Allie goes right after Su, taking her out with a series of clotheslines and a snap suplex into the corner.  Allie stomps Su out and tries to dump her into the casket.  Su fights free, but Allie with some clotheslines and A Russian legsweep...but Su no-sells and just flat out chokes Allie out before dragging her by the hair to the casket.  Allie won't go, so Su gets a rear bodyscissors and appears to go for a choke, but settles for an armbar instead before just bashing Allie's face into the mat a few times.  Su chokes Allie on the second rope, then goes to a seated royal octopus hold.  Su puts her mandible claw glove on, but Allie avoids that fate for the time being with a flatliner into the corner.  Allie misses a diving forearm and hits the turnbuckle, then Su tries to mandible claw Allie into the casket. She gets her into the casket, but Allie pops out and they fight on the ring apron, with Allie booting Su to the floor and then running across the top of the casket to hit a forearm to the floor as we go to commercial.

We're back as Allie misses a dropkick into the corner, allowing Su Yung to regain control.  Allie gets ahold of a chair and tosses to Su, using it to hit a Codebreaker and roll Su into the casket.  Allie tries to close the casket, but Su uses her own head to stop the lid from closing, and she suddenly pops up and hits a palmstrike with her dirty glove.  Allie superkicks Su back into the casket, but Su again blocks the lid from closing and gets her with the mandible claw.  Su glares right into Allie's eyes as she puts her out, then dumps her into the casket, holds the claw for another few moments for good measure, and closes the lid.

Winner and NEW Knockouts Champion: Su Yung

Good match, and the right move to make given the way they've booked Su.  Su gnaws on the belt as the bridesmaids stagger back down to ringside and pay homage to her as she celebrates on top of the casket.

This week's Global Wrestling Network flashback takes us to the last time we saw a casket in a TNA match, when Abyss fought Sting like 87 years ago.

Pentagon Jr cuts a promo on Austin Aries, then Josh and Don talk about stuff, and then the broadcast is interrupted by the red X, and then we see Sonjay Dutt laid out backstage, with Petey Williams standing over him and yelling at the cameraman to go get help.  How suspicious...

We see a video package of the history between Eddie Edwards and Sami Callihan, then Eddie happily tells his wife that it's all set, he and Sami are all set to meet in the middle of the woods, no ring, no ref, no nothing.  His wife says they're not going to the woods, and Eddie says no, SHE isn't going to the woods, but he is going, and he's going to murder Sami Callihan.  He walks off, and the Mrs yells after him in vain.

And now, it's...MAIN EVENT TIME!

World Title Match: Pentagon Jr vs Austin Aries

Aries is, of course still the Grand Champion, and that title is not on the line in this match.  Aries wipes Pentagon out with a heat seeking missile through the ropes during his entrance, then furiously unloads forearms on him before Pentagon fires back with a hard superkick.  Pentagon tells the fans to quiet down so they can hear him chop Aries against the ringpost, but Aries moves and Pentagon connects with the post.  Aries rolls Pentagon into the ring and hits a slingshot rolling sention, and the bell rings to officially start the match as Aries gets a 2 count.  Aries goes to the Last Chancery, but Pentagon makes it to the ropes.  Pentagon counters the IED with another superkick, and yet another gets 2.  Pentagon goes for the arm like last time, but Aries rolls out to the floor.  Pentagon goes for a dive, but Aries catches him with a forearm and comes back in with a missile dropkick that sends Pentagon tumbling clear across the ring.  Aries is firmly in control, and slowly disassembles the champion while getting a series of 2 counts.  Pentagon boots Aries out to the floor as we head to our final commercial break.

We're back, and Pentagon is rapid fire chopping Aries in the corner until he rolls ot the floor to break the momentum.  Pentagon suplexes Aries back into the ring, then hits a pair of slingblades for 2.  Pentagon goes for the Here It Is Driver, Aries fights out, Pentagon goes for the package piledriver, Aries blocks, Aries hits the kneedrop/suplex combo, then knocks Pentagon into next week with the IED.  Aries quickly heads to the top, but Pentagon is up and going for a super package piledriver.  Aries blocks that, hits a sunset bomb, and quickly gets the Last Chancery.  They're right in the middle of the ring, but Pentagon manages to drag himself to the ropes.  Pentagon blocks the brainbuster, leapfrogs Aries, and hits a lungblower for 2.  Aries cleans Pentagon's clock with a roaring elbow, Pentagon slips out of the brainbuster, and he hits the Here It Is Driver...too close to the ropes, Aries breaks it at 2.  They wind up on the apron, Aries slips back in and hits a neckbreaker over the middle rope, then goes for a slingshot headscissors, Pentagon catches him and pops him up, but Aries rolls him through and gets the Last Chancery on the floor.  He breaks and goes to roll Pentagon back into the ring, but the referee hits the count of 10 before he can do so.

DOUBLE COUNTOUT

Aries isn't happy with that, and gets a mic to tell us he's displeased with that outcome.  He says there's only room for one champion in this place, and says they restart this now if Pentagon has the cajones.  Pentagon is down with that, so the bell rings...

World Title Match Part Deux: Pentagon Jr vs Austin Aries

Aries charges Pentagon and gets caught in a small package for a close 2.  Aries hits a roaring elbow and they go to the apron where Aries hits a death valley driver onto the hard frame.  Back to the apron where Pentagon hits the package piledriver on the frame, and they both tumble back out to the floor.  The ref counts, and once again...

DOUBLE COUNTOUT

Now Pentagon has a mic. and I have no idea what he says, but I think he wants to continue, so we get...

World Title Match 33 1/3: Pentagon Jr vs Austin Aries

Aries kicks Pentagon low while the ref turns to ring the bell, hits the brainbuster, and makes a quick cover, and we finally have our winner!

Winner and NEW World Champion: Austin Aries

Aries grabs both belts and hightails it up the apron as Josh proclaims the Era of Zero Fear at an end.


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