Eli Drake, Moose, Ethan Carter III, and Petey Williams are arriving at the arena with their Feast Or Fired briefcases in hand. The briefcases will be opened later tonight to reveal who gets title shots, and who gets fired!
Alberto El Patron comes down to the ring to say that he’s in a suit, but he’s always ready to fight, especially now that he finally has what he always wanted: a real champion he’ll face for the first time ever at the Redemption PPV. We know Alberto fights instead of talking, so he’ll keep this quick: Aries isn’t the Greatest Man Who Ever Lived, that’s Alberto, but Aries already knew that. Alberto drops the mic and starts to leave, but out comes Austin Aries with his 57 title belts to offer his rebuttal. Alberto applauds Aries as he enters the ring, but Aries tells him he can knock it off, which Alberto slowly does. Aries says they come from different worlds, but aren’t really that much different, because they punch people who disrespect others in the face, they love professional wrestling, they’ve won championships around the world, and they’ve competed at the highest level. Aries calls himself the Greatest Man That Ever Lived, but he also calls himself the truth because there’s nobody more real than him. He calls it like it is, and he knows exactly what kind of man Alberto is, and that’s someone being disingenuous, and thye don’t need to play any games, so why don’t they be a couple of men and just call it like it is: if Alberto wants a title shot, he gets it at Redemption. Alberto says it’s going to happen soon, and he wants Aries to come out to the middle of the ring to stand face-to-face with him, because he has something to tell him. Alberto says Aries came back here because he has something to prove, but he knows deep down that he’s not the real champion until he beats Alberto. Alberto wants his redemption, and he wants the world to see it. Aries says he thought Alberto wasn’t going to sit here and talk all night, but they both have something to prove and have chips on their shoulders, but Aries has a bigger chip, and he’s going to dwarf Alberto at Redemption. Alberto tells Aries to kiss the title because it won’t last, because it belongs to the Pride of Mexico. Alberto tells them to play Aries’ music, and he heads to the back. Aries says he appreciates Alberto’s appreciation, and he should have his music played last, but he wants Alberto’s music to play instead, so he has the production crew get his music going instead. Aries tells Alberto to enjoy his music, because after Redemption, he will still be the champion, so this will be the only chance Alberto will have to hear his music play last.
Sonjay Dutt and the Impact Grand Champion, Josh Mathews, are in the remote control center and run down tonight’s card before sending us back to the ring for our next match…
Trevor Lee vs Fallah Bahh
Lee yells at Bahh, so Bahh belly bumps him across the ring. Bahh takes Lee down with a shoulderblock, then walks across his back. Bahh goes after Caleb Konley when he gets on the apron, allowing Lee to waylay him from behind. Lee knocks Bahh to the floor and hits the running punt across the apron, then Konley rams Bahh into the ring steps behind the referee’s back. Back into the ring where Lee controls for a short amount of time before trying a sunset flip, and Bahh crushes him with a vertical drop. Now Bahh mounts his comeback with a series of chops. Lee tries to get to the floor, but Bahh drags both Lee and Konley back in and steamrolls both of them. Bahh hits a Samoan drop and makes a cover, but Lee gets his foot on the rope at 2. Lee tries to suplex Bahh off the corner when he goes for a Banzai drop, and he fails, but Konley nails Bahh behind the referee’s back again, and Lee gets the suplex on the second attempt and rolls Bahh up for the win.
Winner: Trevor Lee
The oVe cam follows…some woman I don’t recognize into a hotel and to her room. Oh wait, it’s Eddie Edwards’ wife, and he ditches out on a backstage promo when the video inexplicably appears on the screen behind he and McKenzie. Back to the hotel, where Sami gets the most irresponsible hotel employee in history to let him into the Edwards Suite as we go to commercial.
Petey Williams is backstage with McKenzie, and says he was here ten years ago for the first Feast of Fires, and he cashed in his X Division Title shot to become a two-time champion, and this time, he wants to be the true man around here, and wants that World Title shot.
X Division Title Match: Matt Sydal vs Rohit Raju
Sydal has new entrance music, and is accompanied by Josh Mathews. Oh, he’s also got that mask on. Sydal works Raju’s arm, but Raju turns up the pace and connects with a couple of dropkicks for 2. Sydal quickly turns things around with a leg lariat, then connects with a sliding knee into the corner. Sydal with a modified Muta Lock, but Raju gets free as we go to commercial.
We’re back as Sydal hits the stepover legdrop and standing moonsault for 2. Raju mounts a bit of a comeback, but Sydal hits a kneeling German suplex for 2, then heads to the top for the Sydal Press. Raju goes up for a superplex, but Sydal fights him off and hits a sunset bomb, then goes back to the top and hits the Sydal Press for the win.
Winner: Matt Sydal
Bit of a showcase for Sydal and his new persona, not especially competitive.
McKenzie is backstage with Moose, who says that 2018 will be the year of Moose, and he asked to be in Feast or Fired because he’s a risk taker. There’s a chance he could get a shot at any title or get fired, but he’ll cross that road when he gets there, because he will be the Impact World Champion in 2018.
McKenzie is backstage with Eli Drake, who says the briefcases are locked so they can’t look at them ahead of time, which makes guys nervous. He’s been fired from every job he’s ever had, including wrestling companies, but now he stands here holding onto cases and titles AFTER he got fired from everywhere else, and it doesn’t make a difference if he gets fired, because he is the Obi-Wan Kenobi of professional wrestling, and if they strike him down, he will become more powerful than we can ever imagine.
Knockouts Title Match: Sienna vs Allie
Sienna blindsides Allie and pummels the tar out of her, grinds her eyes across the top rope, then puts the boots to her in a corner before choking her with her boot. Allie dodged a corner charge and hit a series of corner charges of her own, but Sienna catches her on a crossbody and hits a fallaway slam for 2. Allie starts firing back with elbows of her own, dropkicks Sienna into the corner, and hits a clothesline, a superkick, and a Codebreaker for 2. Sienna with a roaring clothesline for 2, but Allie hits another superkick and covers Sienna for 3.
Bit short and easy a win for Allie given their history, but I’m happy to even see Sienna healthy enough to be back in the ring. Braxton Sutter comes out after the match and says that he knows things have been rough between them lately, but he’s been trying to reevaluate things lately and figure things out. When he goes to bed at night and closes his eyes, he realizes he loves you, Laurel…I mean, Allie. He gets down on one knee and proposes that they spend the rest of their lives together until death do they part. Allie’s not having it, but she doesn’t see Su Yung, who’s gotten decidedly undead since the last time I saw her, come out of the crowd and hit her from behind. Su destroys Allie and hits a cradle shock driver as Sonjay informs us that her nickname is the Undead Bride. I guess we need to have at least one crazy jilted lover on the show at all times, huh? Anyway, Braxton loves this and leaves with Su Yung.
Ethan Carter III is backstage with his briefcase and says that this is his future, his destiny…Tyrus walks through and says he’s probably getting fired. EC3 says this is his chance to become…Moose comes through and says he probably getting fired. Richard Justice interrupts next and says he’s DEFINITELY getting fired. Fallah Bahh and Ishimori come through next and shake their head at him, Johnny Impact says he hopes EC3 gets fired, then Lashley comes through and says he hopes EC3 gets fired. Hey, at least they’re having fun with the fact that everyone on the internet knows how this is going down.
The Global Wrestling Network take us back to Abyss facing Mick Foley in Full Metal Mayhem years ago, then the camera crew that somehow got to the hotel before Eddie Edwards did watches him pull up, run into the hotel, up the stairs, and into the room to discover…his wife sleeping soundly. Eddie starts tearing the hotel room apart while she complains about him making her upset. He puts the covers back on her, tells her he loves her, and walks past a cleaning lady…who is actually Sami Callihan dressed like a cleaning lady, complete with wig, lipstick, and makeup. Eddie attacks him, then the rest of oVe attacks him until Alicia comes out and tells them she called the cops and to leave. This was one DUMB segment.
We see a video package showing the history of the Kongo Kong-Abyss feud, and then it’s…MAIN EVENT TIME!
Monster’s Ball: Abyss vs Kongo Kong
They go face-to-face and slug it out in the middle of the ring. Abyss gets the early advantage, but Kong steamrolls over Abyss with a charging bodyblock. Kong unloads on Abyss and chokes him on the middle rope, then crushes him with an avalanche in the corner. Abyss dodges a second avalanche and knocks Kong over the top rope with a shot from a trash can as we go to commercial.
We’re back, and Kong is setting a table up in the corner as we see that he put Abyss through a table at ringside during the commercial break. Kong goes to the top, but Abyss is up and slams Kong off the top rope. Abyss grabs a bag from under the ring, and pours out thumbtacks all over the mat. I notice there’s a barbed wire board in the ring too. This should be interesting. Jimmy Jacobs pops up on the apron and hits Abyss with a kendo stick, but Abyss no-sells and chases Jimmy to ringside, grabbing the stick out of his hand and tossing it away. Jacobs backs away…right into Jim Mitchell, who is wielding Janice. Jacobs ditches into the ring and Abyss tries to chokeslam him, but Kong comes from behind, grabs Abyss by the hair, and headbutts him in the back twice before chokeslamming him on the tacks. Kong makes a cover for 2, and Kong sets a table up as we see a close-up of the tacks buried in Abyss’ arms. Kong puts Abyss on the table and goes to the top rope, but Abyss is up and powerbombs Kong through the table. Abyss makes a cover, but Kong somehow kicks out at 2. Abyss pulls out the barbed wire board to the middle of the ring and grabs Janice, but Kong blocks a swing by goozling Abyss and chokeslamming him onto the barbed wire board. Kong quickly goes to the top and hits the splash for 3.
Winner: Kongo Kong
Wow! Terrific brawl, and an unexpected result! Jim Mitchell can’t believe it, but Jacobs looks supremely satisfied as Kong takes a “Kong Is Gonna Kill You” sign from a ringside fan and holds it up triumphantly.
We’re back, and Jeremy Borash is in the ring with Eli Drake, Petey Williams, Ethan Carter III, and Moose, and it’s time to open the briefcases! We’ll do this in numerical order, so we start with briefcase #1, and Eli Drake gets…a shot at the Tag Team Title. Drake isn’t happy about it because he doesn’t even have a tag team partner, and he tosses it to the floor, then thinks twice and picks up the case, then heads to the back with it.
Time for briefcase #2, which belongs to Petey Williams. Borash says Petey has had an incredible comeback, and nothing would make it better than more championship gold, so let’s open the briefcase and see that Petey gets…an X Division Title shot! Petey seems much happier than Eli was, and he takes his briefcase and leaves, and we’re down to Moose and Ethan Carter III. Gee, I wonder how this is gonna go. Borash says one of them gets a World Title shot, and one is about to get fired, so we’ll open the last two briefcase simultaneously. Moose’s final words before opening the briefcase: “Let’s do it, JB.” EC3 has a few final words too, and it’s “See you never, Moose, because you’re FIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIRED!”
Borash wishes them both the best of luck, and we open the briefcases to discover that the person getting the World Title shot is…MOOSE! EC3 is stunned as Borash congratulates Moose, who says once again that 2018 will be the year of Moose. Moose smiles and waves goodbye to EC3, who hasn’t moved a muscle since Moose opened his case. Borash says we’ll have to bid EC3 farewell from Impact Wrestling, and asks him to open his briefcase. EC3 is still frozen in place, so Borash asks him again to open the briefcase. EC3 laughs and says it’s not his case. Well, Robbie E did hand his firing briefcase to Velvet Sky to get her fired a few years ago, so there IS a precedent. EC3 claims it’s Ishimori’s case, and that it’s not his, but Borash insists it is, and that EC3 knows the rules here. EC3 says there is nobody on this planet who will make him open that case, because he refuses to open it. Borash says it is a formality at this point, but for the record, he opens the briefcase and confirms that EC3 is, in fact, fired. Or depending the way you look at it, since Borash opened the case, he could be fired too. They’re both gone for over a month by now, so I guess you could swing it either way. EC3 laughs and says this must be a joke from the time he shaved his head, but Borash says this is not a joke, and he is done here at Impact Wrestling. EC3 pulls the mic out of his hand and ask Borash if he’s really done because he grabbed a briefcase in a silly, outdated wrestling match. This is not how it ends for EC3 because he is the franchise, and has carried this company on his back for four years, he made this place relevant, and the FANS WILL NOT CHEER WHEN HE’S PUTTING HIMSELF OVER. The man with the longest undefeated streak in company history, who beat every Hall of Famer, who is a two-time World Champion who beat Kurt Angle and won the World Title Series, whatever that was, DOES NOT GET FIRED THIS WAY. He is the hardcore American icon, the 1%er, the best guy here, there, anywhere, and the most important part of his name is CARTER. He’s a CARTER, and this company NEEDS HIM. HE’S DIXIE CARTER’S NEPHEW, DAMMIT! No, nonono…he’s a man, he’s a professional, he gave us everything he had, he accepts his fate, and one thing he knows about being fired is that sometimes it can light a spark in you that carries you to absolute greatness. The crowd chants “Thank you, Ethan” as he thanks JB, shakes his hand, and walks off as Borash puts him over as a multi-time former World Champion…oh wait, EC3 gets the briefcase and lays Borash pout with it, tears his shirt off, then absolutely batters Borash silly with the case.
Oh, wait a minute…here comes Brian Cage, and he doesn’t look happy. He walks into the ring and goes face-to-face with EC3, who piefaces him. Cage turns EC3 inside out with a roaring lariat and hits the Drill Claw. The last we see of Ethan Carter III in Impact is him laying in the middle of the ring with Brian Cage standing over him posing for the fans.
Thank you, EC3. Thank you for all the terrific matches, promos, and moments over the years. This company won’t be the same without you.
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