Impact Wrestling Results – Nov 30, 2017

Jeremy Borash is backstage with the contestants in the Knockouts Title tournament, which kicks off tonight!

Laurel Van Ness vs KC Spinelli vs Madison Rayne

Laurel is lounging in the ropes with her feet up while Madison and KC argue.  She tries to calm things down and gets shoved down, so she attacks KC and leads to a series of rollups amongst all three girls.  Laurel with a Kiwi roll and cradles Madison for 2.  Spinelli overwhelms both girls with power moves and then mocks Laurel by putting in her fur coat thing.  Laurel is irate, and starts tossing Spinelli around by the hair before drilling her with forearms.  Madison comes in to go after Spinelli and Laurel takes them both out with a double dropkick.  Spinelli tosses Laurel onto Madison, but then Laurel catches Spinelli with something that looked like a bulldog for the win.

Winner: Laurel Van Ness

Solid opener, though it didn’t really feel like three women with a shot at winning the Knockouts Title.  Either way, she’ll face the winner of next week’s match between Rosemary, Sienna, and Allie.

Alberto El Patron is arriving at the arena.  So is Johnny Impact!  They’ll face off tonight!

Hakim Zane vs Taiji Ishimori

They do flippy dippy indy stuff, and Zane hits a neckbreaker for 2.  Ishimori comes back with a missile dropkick, but Zane quickly regains control and hits a series of MMA elbows on Ishimori.  Zane with a series of corner charges and a cannonball for 2.  Ishimori mounts a comeback and hits a Tombstone chestbuster, followed by a 450 splash for the win.

Winner: Taiji Ishimori

Good match once it slowed down from the spots.  Trevor Lee and Caleb Konley run in and attack Ishimori, laying him out with a series of finishers.

McKenzie Mitchell is backstage with JAmes Storm, who puts over how cold his beer is and telling Texano Jr that the fans are gonna be cheering for him tonight because he’s the legend of this company, and he’s sorry about Texano’s damn luck.

LAX is in the clubhouse, and they want to send a message to oVe, especially the center part of the human centipede, Sami Callihan.  They want the title back, and they’re serious like a late period.

We go to Defy Wrestling to see a clip of Sami Callihan wrestling a match against someone whose name I didn’t catch.  They do a bunch of hardcore stuff at ringside and then Callihan beats him with a lariat after hitting more high impact moves than any human body could reasonably withstand.

McKenzie Mitchell is backstage with Alberto El Patron, who calls Johnny Impact a kid who thinks he can fight with a man like him.  He broke Impact’s arm, his spirit, and even saw his mom crying.  He came back to Impact to destroy, destroy the new golden boy, and he’ll do that tonight.

KM is out back beating up a bunch of security guys while yelling “YOU WANT PROOF? I’LL GIVE YOU PROOF!” at the camera.  He skee balls one security guy down a table and into a garbage pail, which was a pretty cool spot.

Texano Jr vs James Storm

We see KM badgering American Top Team as they arrive at the arena, but they blow him off and we go to commercial.

We’re back, and they trade pinning combinations before Texano narrowly avoids eating the Last Call by rolling to the floor.  Storm hits a baseball slide, but goes to the apron and Texano yanks him down, smashing his face on the apron before laying him out with a clothesline.  They go into the ring and Texano hits the chinlock, then transitions to a half crab.  Storm gets free, but Texano with a leaping kneestrike for 2.  Storm comes back again and goes for Eye of the Storm, Texano gets out and drills him with the Last Call, then puts Storm’s hat on and mugs for the camera, then turns around and walks right into the Last Call for 3.

Winner: James Storm

Good match!  Storm heads to the back and is blindsided by American Top Team, who mob him 17-on-1 before Lashley whips him into the ring steps and rolls him into the ring.  Storm hits the Last Call on that skinny manager guy, but then everyone else comes in to beat Storm up and then Lashley powerslams him.  Moose comes to the save and clears them out, but then Dan Lambert gets a mic and says that this freakshow called Impact Wrestling has been lying with dogs long enough that they’re going to get fleas, and he’s all out of bug spray.  This needs to end next week, and the best way to do that is to take them both out at the same time and send these eskimos (gesturing at the fans) back to their igloos.  Next week, it’ll be James Storm and Moose against Bobby Lashley and their secret weapon, the biggest monster in the world of MMA…HIMSELF!  That’s right, Dan Lambert is getting in the ring next week.  Okay then!  If Russo was still booking, you realize he’d get the World Title too, right?

More classic footage from PlutoTV, and then we see a commercial for Park, Park and Park, featuring Joseph Park and his cousin, Chandler Park (aka Ethan Page).  They’re here for us, because injures are…NO WALK IN THE PARK!  Get it?

The Global Wrestling Network takes us back to the finish of the first ever Kurt Angle vs Samoa Joe match, which saw Joe’s undefeated streak end by tapout to the anklelock.

Johnny Impact tells McKenzie Mitchell that he’s not 100%, but he is good enough to go tonight.  He’s had one thing on his mind since Bound For Glory: Alberto El Patron, who he knew was crazy and reckless, but is now delusional too.  He knows Alberto has a lot of personal issues, but now his biggest problem is Johnny Impact.  He’s just a speedbump on his highway to the title, and Alberto’s getting what’s coming to him tonight.

Eli Drake is backstage with Chris Adonis to cut a promo on Impact and Adonis, thenhas a staredown with Jimmy Jacobs as they pass each other in the hallway.

Ethan Carter III joins the announcers for our next match…

Tyson Dux vs Matt Sydal

Feeling out process to start, as they exchange wristlocks, then Sydal hits the stepover drop for 2.  Sydal with a modified Indian deathlock. Dux turns it around and takes the advantage with some brawling offense, then hits a delayed vertical suplex for 2.  Sydal fires back with a series of kicks and a standing moonsault for 2.  Dux nails him when he plays to the fans, but Sydal quickly floors him and hits the Sydal press for the win.

Winner: Matt Sydal

Solid match, and by the way, Tyson Dux is an amazing wrestler and deserves a contract somewhere.  EC3 stands up to applaud him.

Alberto El Patron video package, as he cuts a promo on Johnny Impact.  He’s going to face Johnny Impact next!  Speaking of Johnny Impact, we see him chatting with Petey Williams before heading to the ring…IS PETEY WILLIAMS THE NEWEST MEMBER OF THE NWO???

And now, it’s…MAIN EVENT TIME!

Johnny Impact vs Alberto El Patron

Alberto teases bringing a chair inside the ring, but ditches it before heading in. Wild punches from both opponents, Alberto with a kick to the gut, chucks Johnny into the corner and stomp on his stomach. Johnny with a side russian leg sweep, diving clothesline, early pin, two. Johnny throws some haymakers as the ref tries to get control of this thing. Johnny knees Alberto down to the floor. Johnny with a corkscrew senton and lands on his feet. “Johnny Impact!” chant from the crowd. Alberto recovers and throws Johnny into the barricade a few times, he grabs Johnny’s shades and breaks them apart. Alberto slams Johnny’s face down to a chair and heads inside the ring to do some taunting. The ref comes over – for no reason – to bother Alberto, Alberto tells him to count! Johnny makes his way back in, but gets kicked a bunch of times, pin, two.

Johnny able to work back into this for a moment, but gets sent over the top rope and down to the floor as we head to break. We return and Alberto hits a move off the top rope. During the break, Impact was put under the steel steps and Alberto double stomped on him, you can already see the marks on his side. Alberto tries a move off the top rope, misses, gets kicked in the face. Johnny showing plenty of fight as he swings away on Alberto in the corner. He charges in, misses, Alberto goes for a kick, misses too. Multiple clotheslines and a leg lariat to Alberto. Kick to the face, pin, two. Alberto able to hit a clean kick to Johnny’s head, pin, two. Alberto shoves the ref and is showing signs of frustration.

Alberto goes for a cross arm breaker, blocked, springboard kick by Johnny, tries for a pin, two. Attempt at starship pain, Alberto clubs him from behind and heads up to the top, Alberto with a reverse suplex! He instantly tries for a pin, but no luck. Johnny stuck in the tree of woe position, Alberto tries for a double stomp, misses. Johnny tries to get on the top rope, but loses his balance for a moment, he hits a double stomp on Alberto’s back, pin, he kicks out! Johnny goes to the top yet again and tries for an elbow, Alberto gets out of the way and bumped the ref in the process. With the referee down, Alberto hits a blatant lowblow and takes his time, feeling super confident. Punch to the face, Alberto shows some faux concern for the referee. DDT on Johnny, pin, two. Alberto yells at the referee, not caring at all how he feels now.

Johnny in tree of woe position again, Alberto rips his tape off his arm and shoves it in Johnny’s mouth. Suddenly, Eli Drake shows up and starts talking with Alberto, telling him to finish off Johnny. Alberto ends up popping Drake in the face and snatches up the title. He then swings away on Drake’s back. Alberto on the apron, Johnny yanks him into the ring and hits startship pain for the win.

Winner: Johnny Impact via Pinfall

Post-match, Drake hits Alberto with the title and then goes after Johnny who is able to keep the champion at bay. Chris Adonis then shows up and puts down Johnny. Drake goes to hit Johnny with the title, but Petey Williams’ music hits and he comes through the crowd. Williams hits a codebreak on Drake, then nails a suicide dive on Adonis. Drake tries for a gravy train on Williams, Johnny hits him with a superkick, canadian destroy lands as the crowd chants “Petey!”


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