Impact Wrestling Results – May 4, 2017

We take a look back at the events of last week, then we’re off to the ring for our opening match…

Matt Sydal vs Eddie Edwards

Feeling out process to start, with neither man getting an advantage. Sydal finally snaps off a Frankensteiner, goes to the top, Eddie goes to throw him off, and Sydal counters to a headscissors. Sydal dropkicks Eddie into the corner and connects with a running knee for 2. Sydal gets a Muta Lock, but Eddie gets out and hits a Blue Thunder Bomb for 2. Eddie unloads with chops, then bashes Sydal with a double exhandle for 2. Sydal gets a bodyscissors rollup for 2, followed by a spinning heel kick. Sydal with some kicks and a spinkick followed by a standing moonsault for 2. Eddie tries going to the top, Sydal hits a standing leap into a Frankensteiner, followed by the leaping corner clothesline. Sydal goes for a springboard something, but Eddie connects with a leaping enziguiri, followed by a dive through the ropes as we go to commercial.

We’re back as Eddie hits a running forearm in the corner followed by a running kneestrike for 2. Eddie goes for a Tiger Driver, but Sydal blocks and rams Eddie into the corner. Eddie off the second rope with a Codebreaker, and he goes for the Tiger Driver again, but Sydal counters to a Frankensteiner into a double leg cradle for 2. Sydal puts Eddie on the top rope and goes for yet another Frankensteiner, but Eddie slips out from under him and drops him on the top turnbuckle. Sydal comes right back with a leaping kneestrike, then finishes Eddie with a shooting star press.

Winner: Matt Sydal

Wow, didn’t expect Eddie to get that big a win this soon! This was the best TV opening match I’ve seen in I don’t know how long. Sydal and Eddie shake hands after the match and Sydal leaves, but then Davey Richards and Angelina Love come out and attack Eddie and Alicia on their way to the back. They put Eddie’s leg over the guardrail so Davey can bash it with a chair, and then Alicia attacks them both, and she and Angelina have to be pulled apart by security.

McKenzie Miles is backstage with Magnus, who says his GFW Title and the fact that he walked back in here and won the eight man match on his first night back qualify him to be the challenger at Slammiversary. Matt Morgan comes in and argues with Magnus over his apparent belief that he won that match on his own. Bruce Prichard comes in and shuts them both up, then tells Magnus that he has to defend that GFW Title against Matt Morgan tonight. Morgan tells Magnus to get his bumping shoes on.

KM is doing situps as some kid comes in to clean, and he finishes and gets ready to leave when KM crumples up a piece of paper and throws it on the floor, then tells the kid he missed one. He comes back and sweeps up the piece of paper, so KM throws another piece of paper and says he missed another one. The kid says it wasn’t there a minute ago, so KM gets up, towers over him, and asks if the kid is calling him a liar. The kid apologizes, so KM tells him to make like a tree and get the hell outta here. The kid leaves, and KM says that’s the problem with this country: people need to work on their people skills.

GFW Women’s Title Match: Christina Von Eerie vs Sienna

Christina tries a fast start with a tornado DDT, but Sienna just bounces Von Eerie off the mat and puts the boots to her. Sienna with a corner splash for 2, Von Eerie gets a couple of shots in, then drops Sienna on the second rope and gets a running boot to the face. Sienna responds with one of her own for 2, then goes to a neck vice. Von Eerie with some strikes, but Sienna gets Von Eerie in a torture rack, then backs up and dumps her to the floor. Sienna works Von Eerie over against the guardrail, but Von Eerie catches her with a boot and then a springboard crossbody to the floor. Von Eerie goes for a Tiger Driver, but Sienna backdrops Von Eerie onto the apron, and then she tumbles to the floor. Sienna tosses Von Eerie into the ring and covers for 2, then Von Eerie gets a sleeper and goes for the straitjacket rolling Ace Crusher, but Sienna tosses her off and hits the AK-47 for the win.

Winner and New GFW Women’s Champion: Sienna

Good match, and our first GFW title change on Impact!

Eli Drake finds Bruce Prichard backstage and says he knows he’s not one of Bruce’s guys because all these new people are coming in and getting opportunities, but he’s here knocking on his door and is ready to take his drink’s worth out of his fat keyster. He’s gonna go looking for “Alberto El Plinko” but Alberto is behind him saying no need to go looking for him, because he’s standing right here and is happy to put his title shot on the line tonight. Bruce is happy Alberto did his job for him, so they’ll face off in tonight’s main event for next week’s GFW Title shot.

ODB talks about how she’s going to make Impact Wrestling great again, then we go to Josh Mathews and Pope…who have Jeremy Borash standing behind them holding up signs to continue making a nuisance out of himself.

McKenzie is backstage with Karen Jarrett, who is happy to announce that Alicia will make her in-ring debut next week against Angelina Love. Sienna crashes the party and repeatedly asks MRS JARRETT how she feels about what just happened. Karen says there are a lot of people in the locker room looking for a shot at that title, and Sienna says to line them up.

Ethan Carter III vs John Bollin

EC3 just tears into Bollin and stomps his guts out in the corner. Not literally, of course. EC3 dumps Bollin to the floor, beats him up out there, then throws him back inside for more offense. EC3 hits the Stinger Splash, followed by the TK3, a running knee, and the 1% for the win.

Winner: Ethan Carter III

Basic squash. EC3 gets a mic and says to get that overrated piece of crap out of his ring, then says that Imapct Wrestling told him to look at himself in the mirror, now he wants them to do the same and be accountable for what they’ve unleashed. Nothing is going to stop him from going to Slammiversary and becoming the EC3-time World Champion.

Borash is still behind Josh and Pope and holding up signs while Josh and Pope try to talk about tonight’s top matches. We’re at commercial.

GFW Title Match: Brutus Magnus vs Matt Morgan

Magnus takes Morgan to the corner and unloads some shots, but doesn’t faze Morgan, who just backs Magnus into the opposing corner and waylays him with some big right hands. Morgan chokes Magnus in the corner with his boot, then runs him over with a big shoulderblock, sending Magnus to the floor. Morgan goes out after Magnus and rams him into the ring apron, then they head back inside where Morgan boots him in the face, chokes him on the top rope, and gets the leaping Morgan straddle. Morgan with a big right hand, then back into the ring where Magnus dodges the Carbon Footprint and takes Morgan’s knee out. Magnus drops a series of elbows on Morgan’s knee and gets him in a leglock, punching his knee and then going to a standing toehold. Magnus goes for the Texas Cloverleaf, but Morgan blocks, so Magnus goes to a figure four instead. Mathews talks about how his four million Twitter followers tell him how great he sounds on Impact, and I wonder why Josh doesn’t ask why 3.75 million of them don’t watch Impact. Morgan finally gets to the ropes, and he starts to mount a comeback with clotheslines and the machine gun elbows in the corner. Morgan with a corner splash and a side suplex, he goes for a chokeslam, but Magnus kicks his knee and goes to the top rope. Magnus comes off and flies right into a chokeslam from Morgan. Morgan covers, but Magnus gets his foot on the bottom rope at 2. Morgan hits the Carbon Footprint, but Magnus rolls out to the floor and Morgan collapses due to the work Magnus has done on his knee. Magnus goes and grabs the title belt and brings it in the ring, the ref takes it away, Magnus kicks Morgan in the ding ding while the ref has his back turned, and hits the Michinoku Driver followed by the top rope elbow for 3.

Winner: Brutus Magnus

Good match, both guys look like they never left here.

McKenzie is backstage with Bobby Lashley and asks him what GFW mean to him. Lashley says it means nothing to him because GFW is the title they can attain, and his title is the top of the mountain. He’s going to go get some training in so he can defend the REAL World Title.

Back to the announcers, and Josh and Borash keep hassling each other instead of paying attention to the show.

We go to the LAX clubhouse where Konnan and LAX laugh about what they did to Decay while some song about “dirty ass hos” plays in the background.

James Storm talks about how he wants to Make Impact Great Again.

We get a very sad video package of Spud bemoaning the end of his career and his new painkiller dependency thanks to a midget with a hammer. Spud wonders why it had to be him, because he never meant to pull his pants down.

Kongo Kong vs William Weeks

Laurel tries coming on to Weeks, and he puts up a hand to stop her, and she snaps and tells Kong to kill him. So he does. Kong grabs Weeks by the hair, headbutts him a bunch of times, then just tosses Weeks into the corner by the head. Kong with a corner splash and turns Weeks inside out with a clothesline as Laurel screams. Laurel gets in the ring, then gets back out while Kong chokeslams Weeks onto his knee and covers…but pulls him up at 2 at Laurel’s meek request. Another chokeslam backbreaker, and Laurel yells to do it again, so Kong does it one more time, then he drags Weeks to the corner by the mouth, hits the corner cannonball, then drags him out to the middle of the ring and hits the top rope splash for the win (Laurel climbs the opposite side of the ring and sits on the top turnbuckle to enjoy the view).

Winner: Kongo Kong

Braxton Sutter and Allie come out after the match and Sutter goes after Kong with a vengeance. Sutter clotheslines Kong to the floor, and Laurel backs him off while yelling “NOT NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWW!” at Sutter and Allie.

Eli Drake talks about how he’s going to make Impact Wrestling Great Again, and he’ll face Alberto El Patron for a GFW Title shot after this commercial break!

We see a video package of Sonjay Dutt wondering if his black eye from a couple of weeks ago was something Low Ki did on purpose. In the meantime, Low Ki says he has nothing but respect for Sonjay, but he’s always a bridesmaid and never a bride, and he’s known him for a long tie and knows he can’t seal the deal.

And with that, it’s…MAIN EVENT TIME!

Eli Drake vs Alberto El Patron

Things don’t go well for Eli to start, so he tries to run to the back. Alberto goes after him, drags him back to ringside, rams him into the ring apron, and tosses him back into the ring. Tyrus trips Alberto as he comes back into the ring, so referee Brian Hebner ejects him from ringside. Drake nails Alberto in the confusion and suplexes him onto the entry ramp, then they go back into the ring where Drake gets backdropped to the floor. Alberto hits a dive through the ropes as we go to commercial.

We’re back as Drake gives Alberto a back suplex on the ring apron, then dumps water on Alberto and chokes him. Drake with a neckbreaker for 2, then goes to a rear chinlock. Alberto fires back and knocks Drake onto the middle rope, and Alberto goes for a diving straddle, but Drake moves and Alberto sails right out to the floor. Drake brings Alberto back in and covers for 2, then hits an elbowdrop for another 2. Alberto hits a leaping eniguiri, but Drake goes back to hammering El Patron. That only lasts for a moment before Patron comes back with a series of clotheslines and a powerslam for 2. Albeto hits a superkick on a kneeling Drake for 2, but Drake gets a duck under bridging suplex for 2. Drake puts Alberto on the top rope for a superplex, Alberto shoves him down into the Tree of Woe, but Drake reaches up and yanks Alberto down anyway. Drake hits a springboard moonsault (!) for 2, Alberto gets the cross armbreaker, Drake clutches his hands together and rolls Alberto to his back for 2, then stomps right on Alberto’s face. Drake charges Alberto, who sidesteps, sits Drake on the middle rope, and drills him with a springboard double stomp for the win.

Winner: Alberto El Patron


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