We go right to the ring for our opening match…
Eli Drake vs Caleb Konley
Right to the action, huh? Drake backs Konley to the ropes, but Konely gets around him and hits a dropkick to knock him to the floor. Konley goes after him, but Tyrus nails Konley and drops him on the ring apron. Drake with a snap suplex for 2, but then Konley gets a small package for 2, and he follows that with a leg sweep, but Drake gets his knees up on a senton attempt by Konley. Drake gets a neckbraker for 2, misses a kneedrop, they trade punches, then Konley dodges a charge and Drake goes to the floor. Konley hits a dive and almost wipes out the 7 fans on the other side of the barricade, then they go back inside where Konley hits a crossbody, spinning backfist, and a belly to belly suplex for 2. Konley goes to the top, Tyrus distracts him, and Drake runs up the corner and superplexes Konley. Drake hits a Celtic Cross for 3.
Winner: Eli Drake
Solid opener, Konley looked good in there and Drake actually looks like he’s added some muscle recently.
We go to the announcers, and Josh and Borash fight with each other, and they go on, and on, and on, and on, and on, and Pope looks as done with this as I feel. Brash says that he’s going to knock Mathews out tonight, and they go back to arguing until Bruce Prichard comes down and tells both of them to stop and get in the ring, NOW. You really know you’ve gone too far when BRUCE PRICHARD comes out to tell you you’re being too annoying. Prichard says they’re sick of the bickering, and since they both think they’re the best, we’ll find out right here in the ring. Mathews takes his jacket off, but Prichard tells him to put it back on, and instead, both men will pick a team here tonight, and next week, their teams will face off to decide once and for all who the better man is. They start bickering again, but Prichard makes them shake hands, and you can visibly see Borash say “I AM GONNA F*** YOU UP!” like three times. We’re at commercial.
Davey Richards and Angelina Love arrive at the arena, and I guess they just make out everywhere they go.
#1 Contender’s Knockouts Gauntlet Match
Madison Rayne and Ava Storie start us off, and Madison mocks her, so Ava swats her hand away and they have a lockup. Storie whips Madison to the ropes and hits a spinkick as Borash mentions that Storie was trained by Jay Lethal, who hasn’t worked here in years. Rebel enters and viciously attack Storie, whipping her across the ring by the hair and then working her over in the corner. Madison is up and they take turns working Storie over until they turn on each other. Storie takes them both out with a double clothesline as Amanda Rodriguez comes in to clean house. MJ Jenkins is out next and hits a springboard dropkick on Rodriguez, then goes after everyone else. Dea Monte (the girl in LAX) is out next and beats everyone up, then hits Rodriguez with a heat seeking missile dropkick in the corner. Rebel tosses Rodriguez, the first elimination, as ODB enters next. ODB takes everyone out with clotheslines and running bodyblocks, then stacks everyone up in the corner and hits a running splash before clotheslining Storie over the top to the floor. The next entrant is Brandy Rhodes, and now she gets to be the house of fire in the ring. Brandi tosses Dea Monte (who takes a nasty bump on the apron on the way out). Jenkins tosses Rebel, then hits Brandi with a running spinkick in the corner. Double clothesline from Jenkins takes out both Brandi and ODB, but then they respond with a double shoulderblock and toss Jenkins. Madison is hiding in the corner, but then she runs out to sneak up on Brandi and toss her. We’re down to Madison and ODB, and ODB unloads on her with hard forearms and chops, Madison goes to the eyes,but ODB splashes Madison in the corner and hits a TKO, then covers for the win.
ODB is your new #1 contender to the Knockouts Title, and she’s got a date with Rosemary.
Eddie Edwards is arriving at the arena, and he’ll face Davey Richards in a last man standing match later on tonight!
James Storm comes out in Longnecks & Rednecks mode, says he’s back, and it feels great to be back in his jeans with a beer in his hand. He was sitting home a week ago and his five year old son has a cowboy hat on and said he’s his daddy. Storm looked at him and realized he is that guy, and he’s damn proud of it. The night he won the World Title was the higest rated episode of Impact ever, and he’s going to do whatever it takes to once again become the World Champion. James Storm is about toget back in the ass whupping business, and for anyone who doesn’t like it, he’s sorry about their…oh wait, here comes Bram and Eddie Kingston, and they don’t look happy. Kingston says everyone told him that Storm was a lair, but they believed Storm when he said to wear the mask and jacket and he’d get them in and they’d take over. Storm lied to him, and he doesn’t care about anyone, especially Storm’s bastard son. Kingston says Storm is nothing more than a carny liar, and Storm says that when Kingston was begging for a job, he was the one who bought the suits, wrote the music, and created the group. Storm says the agreement was that they would get the tag belts and he’d get the World Title, but Bram and Kingston jumped off course. Storm is still on course though, because he’s going to be the World Champion. Kingston says he and Bram didn’t get lost, Storm, like everyone told him, became a selfish little bitch once again. Storm says he wanted men in his group, and he could have gone to Tinder and swiped right if he wanted a bitch. Kingston spits in Storm’s face, so Storm spits in his face. Bram has a chair and wheels back to hit Storm, but he stops. Storm puts his hand out, but Bram swings the chair anyway and superkicks the chair into Bram’s face. Storm reintroduces himself to the DCC: he’s James Storm, and he’s sorry about their damn luck.
Mackenzie is backstage asking Andrew Everett how he feels about Shane Gregory Steven Albert Rodrigo Helms not saying Everett is worthy of a title shot. Everett goes off on Helms, who shows up with Trevor Lee and says that all Everett needs to do tonight is win a triple threat, and then he may possible be one step closer to a title shot against Trevor Lee.
We see a video package showing the history between Everett and Trevor Lee, then we go to our next match…
Andrew Everett vs Marshe Rockett vs Suicide
Marshe powers everyone around for a bit, but then Everett and Suicide use their speed to take over on Rockett and knock him to the floor. Now Suicide and Everett trade shots until Everett hits a flying headscissors on Suicide. Everett dropkicks Marshe off the apron as he tries to get back in, but then Suicide clotheslines Everett to the floor and takes both men out with a blind man’s drop off the second rope. Suicide dumps Everett into the ring, but Rockett takes Suicide’s head off with a clothesline, then comes back in to go to work on Everett. Rockett with a leaping knedrop to (as Pope says) that jive turkey Everett. Everett boots Rockett in the face and tries a springboard something, but Rockett catches and powerslams him. He doesn’t see Suicide springboarding in with a dropkick, however, and then Suicide goes to work on Everett. Suicide runs right into a spinebuster from Rockett, but he tries a charge and Everett ducks, sending Rockett to the floor. Suicide charges and Everett backdrops him on top of Rockett, then comes over the top with a dive to both men. Suicide hits a full rotation suplex on Everett for 2, Rockett is in and hammering Suicide with forearms, but Suicide gets a Royal Octopus hold and rolls it into a crucifix for 2. Rockett hits a gourdbuster on Suicide for 2, but Suicide hits a leaping enziguiri on Rockett, Everett dropkicks Suicide t othe floor, then Everett goes to the top and hits a shooting star press for 3.
Winner: Andrew Everett
Everett stays in contention for the X Division Title, and he wants a piece of Trevor Lee!
Last Man Standing Match: Davey Richards vs Eddie Edwards
Eddie Edwards jumps Davey on his way to the ring, then beats him up all the way around ringside. Eddie tosses Davey into the ring, but Davey ditches right back out to the floor and hammers Eddie with hard kicks when he follows him out. Davey dumps Eddie back into the ring, but Eddie comes right back out with a dive and unloads with chops. They fight into the crowd where some fan gets right up in Davey’s face, distracting him long enough for Eddie to nail Davey and atomic drop him crotch first on a barricade. That doesn’t slow Davey down for long, as he nails Eddie and tries to suplex him off the balcony, but Eddie knocks Davey down, and he tries a dive, but Davey moves and Eddie lands on a trash pail. They finally make their way back into the ring, Davey stops to make out with Angelina on his way back, and then he heads back into the ring with chair in hand. Davey sets the chair up in the ring, but Eddie nails him and hits a powerbomb onto the chair. Then Eddie goes to the floor and tosses about another half dozen chairs into the ring. They head up in the corner and Davey goes for a superplex onto the pile of chairs…and he hits it. OUCH. The referee counts, but Davey stops him and then notices Alicia Edwards in the crowd. Alicia is yelling at Angelina, who hands a chain to Davey as we go to commercial.
We’re back, and Davey is still working Eddie over with the chair while Angelina asks Alicia what she’s gonna do. Davey chokes Eddie with the chain while Alicia screams from ringside, and finally Davey breaks to let the referee count. Eddie makes it up, so Davey unloads with stiff kicks to Eddie’s chest. Alicia leads a cheer for Eddie, who catches Davey’s foot on another kick attempt, and hammers him with a series of Kobashi chops. Eddie overhead release suplexes Daavey into the corner, then gets ahold of a chair and drills Davey in the face with it. Eddie hangs Davey in the Tree of Woe, piles several chairs in front of Davey’s face, and baseball slides into the chairs. Eddie sets up a chair, puts Davey’s head through the hole and rests it on the seat, then goes to the top rope for a double stomp. Alicia cheers Eddie on as he comes off the top rope and connects with Davey’s head, but he stops the refeee from counting because he wants to dish out more punishment! Angelina comes in and jumps on Eddie’s back, but Alicia comes in and pulls Angelina off Eddie’s back, spears her out of the ring, and beats Angelina up on the floor. Alicia takes off her belt and whips Angelina with it. Angelina gets away, gets ahold of the belt, and uses it to sling Alicia into the barricade. Eddie has a chair and comes after Davey with it, but Davey also has a chair and slams it into Eddie’s chair, in turn slamming that into Eddie’s face. Angelina comes in and holds Eddie up while Davey wraps the chain around his ankle. He stops and has second thoughts for a moment, but then Angelina gets up, puts his hand on her boob, and makes out with him before telling him to do it for her. Being the good soldier he is, Davey kicks Eddie’s face off with the chain, and the referee counts Eddie down.
Winner: Davey Richards
Hell of a fight. Alicia is still down on the floor, and Angelina and Davey start making out again.
Jeremy Borash talks about how he wants to make Impact Wrestling great again, then we see a video package of LAX celebrating their World Tag Team Title victory at a club in Orlando.
We see a video package from like seven years ago where James Storm and his crew recorded Longnecks and Rednecks.
Alberto El Patron vs ??????
Didn’t catch the opponent’s name, but I don’t think it’ll end up mattering much. El Patron attacks his poor victim, stomps him out in the corner, then hits a snapmare and kick to the back for 2. Patron with a back suplex, misses a superkick, and his opponent hits a powerslam. Patron is right back up, hammers his guy with forearms, then hangs him in the Tree of Woe and comes off the top with a double stomp to the chest for 3.
Winner: Alberto El Patron
Well, that was easy. Alberto grabs a mic and has a message for that PERRO Bobby Lashley. He wants him to come out right now because El Patron wants to kick his (ass).
McKenzie is backstage with Braxton Sutter and Allie, and she wants to know how it felt for Allie to stand up to Sienna. Sienna and her cousin come in, and they get into each other’s faces until Karen Jarrett comes in and pushes the Sienna family back. She says that Sutter and Allie are too good for this, but if Sienna and her cousin wants a fight, we’ll have a mixed tag team match next week.
We’ll be back after this with our main event segment, as Josh Mathews and Jeremy Borash pick their teams for next week!
We see a video package of Sienna stalking Braxton Sutter & Allie, and FURY WILL BE UNLEASHED NEXT WEEK!
Okay, Bruce Prichard comes to the ring to bring the Battle of the Announcers to a head. Jeremy tells Prichard he appreciates the opportunity to make an ass out of Mathews. The fans chant “fire Josh” as Prichard says we’ll have a 4-on-4 match next week, and it’s time for each man to select their teams. Josh gets to pick first, and he names the Unstoppable Juggernaut of Force, Walking Armageddon, Bobby Lashley! Okay, smart pick. The ball’s in Borash’s court, and he picks the man who beat Lashley on his first night here: Alberto El Patron! Prichard steps between Lashley and El Patron, and now it’s time for Josh’s next pick: the Chesterfield Plague, Bram. Back to Borash, who says that he has to pick someone who has appeared on Impact, and this person had a very short run here, but he picks Chris Adonis (formerly known as Chris Masters). Back to Josh, who chooses the Namer of Dummies, Eli Drake. Tyrus comes out with Drake, and Prichard says he didn’t hear Tyrus’ name, but Tyrus says he goes where Drake goes. Prichard says this is just for team members, but Josh says this is his team, and tells his boys to attack Borash’s team. Borash announces his next team member: “The Blueprint” Matt Morgan, who comes out and cleans house on Josh’s team. Morgan and Lashley go face-to-face as Borash’s fourth pick gets out of a limo and enters the arena…but we don’t see who it is because we’re out of time and are told to go to ImpactWrestling.com to find out who it is! I do, and…nothing up-to-date is there! I guess that’s it for this week!