Bobby Lashley and Josh Barnett are arriving at the building, and they’ll face off for the Impact World Title later on tonight!
Knockouts Title/Last Knockout Standing Match: Rosemary vs Jade
Jade jumps Rosemary in the aisle during her entrance…and winds up on the losing end of that exchange. They head back to ringside where Jade stuns Rosemary with a shot into the apron and then wipes her out with a dive through the ropes. Back into the ring where Rosemary backdrops out of the package piledriver, but Jade gets a NASTY release German suplex, and the count begins. Rosemary beats the count, so Jade hits another one, another count, Rosemary gets to her feet again. Jade knocks Rosemary to the floor with a missile dropkick, but Rosemary cracks her in the jaw when she tries another dive. Rosemary tosses a trash can and a kendo stick into the ring, Jade tries to get the kendo stick, but Rosemary puts a stop to that and just hammers Jade with repeated forearms. Rosemary with a leaping forearm in the corner and then the Low Ki headscissor choke over the ropes. No disqualifications in this one, so nothing Jade can do until Rosemary breaks the hold on her own. Rosemary bashes Jade in the face with the trash can, Jade tells her to bring it on, so she does. Jade stumbles backward into the corner, puts the trash can on top of her, and goes for a Van Terminator. She connects, and backs off to let the referee count. Jade is up and unloads on Rosemary, then gets the kendo stick and uses it to give Rosemary a rather vigorous back massage. Jade with a running punt, the referee counts, and Rosemary beats the count. Jade powerbombs Rosemary onto the trash can, another count, and…Rosemary is up. Jade comes off the top rope and leaps right into a faceful of red mist from Rosemary. Rosemary quickly hits the Red Wedding, the referee counts, and Jade JUST beats the count. Rosemary knocks Jade to the floor, then hits a Red Wedding on the concrete. Another count, and Jade SOMEHOW gets to her feet again. Rosemary charges, Jade dodges, and Rosemary rams herself into the ringpost. Jade dumps a bottle of water on herself to clear her head, then spews a mouthful of water in Rosemary’s face before powerbombing her onto the ring steps. The referee counts, and Rosemary is up again. Now Jade drags Rosemary up to the top of the ramp, and I feel like something drastic is gonna happen here. Jade goes for a powerbomb off the ramp, but now Rosemary spews green mist in Jade’s face, and Jade is down again. Jade beats the count, Rosemary hits a third Red Wedding, this time on top of the ramp, and that’s finally enough to put Jade down for the ten count.
That was a HELL of a match, Jade and Rosemary killed it out there, and if this turns out to be Jade’s last match in TNA for the time being, she put on a hell of a show to go out on.
Moose is backstage, and he says Cody let anger and jealousy get the best of him, and he made a big mistake when he put his hands on him. He’s going out ot the ring, and he’s got some choice words for Cody.
The Expedition of Gold continues! Anyway, Matt is telling the family that family is paramount, but now that Brother Nero houses Matt’s abilities, he wants to test him against Vincent Van Gogh. He is an obsolete mule, and he wants Brother Nero to seek him out and test himself against his strength.
Moose is in the ring, and he doesn’t care who Cody is or what family he’s part of, because he’s a big old, ugly bitch. When he gets his hands on Cody, he’s going to regret the day he put his hands on Moose. Cody comes out of nowhere and backjumps Moose, but Moose gets the better of Cody, and then security runs in to try and separate them. Cody and Moose clear out security (Moose powerbombs one of the security guys over the top rope), then they go back at each other. Moose clotheslines Cody over the top rope, and they brawl in the entryway until more security AND referees come out to separate them again. Moose beats everyone up again and goes BACK after Cody, and this time a bunch of prelim wrestlers come out to separate them. Brandi runs out and screams at Cody that they’re done and to stop. Cody says okay as the fans chant that this is awesome, then Cody grabs Josh Mathews and launches him across ringside. Moose takes the opening to get in the ring and hit a dive over the top rope onto Cody before everyone gets separated again and we go to commercial.
James Storm vs Jessie Godderz
Josh spends most of the match putting himself over for being back on commentary when any other hall of fame announcer, even Jim Ross and Tony Schiavone, would be getting carried out after that attack. He talks about how much time he spent hanging out with Cody, who’s actually a great friend of his, and then asks Pope what he’s heard about changes in the announce team. The match distracts us for a moment while Bram and Eddie Kingston run down to ringside and distract Jessie to allow Storm to get the advantage, then Josh talks about how Don West is back and he’d love to be in Pope’s chair. He says Pope wouldn’t know how to put his headset on if it weren’t for him, then says that Jeremy Borash needs to go. We pay more attention to the match for a few seconds while Josh says he knows a thing or two about rib injuries because he’s so tough, then Josh continues talking about everything happening on this show except the match in the ring. Godderz hits a leaping enziguiri on Storm and then a blockbuster for 2. Josh says Jessie reminds him of himself ten years ago, and casually mentions that he’s undefeated in his in-ring career…just like EC3 was! Josh makes fun of Pope for saying he’d check Wikipedia about that, then Godderz goes for the Adonis lock, can’t get it, and catapults Storm into the corner. Kingston runs in, Godderz tosses him, then he blocks the Last Call and goes back to the Adonis lock. Storm is tapping, but Bram runs in behind the referee’s back, hits Jessie with a chair, and Storm hits the Last Call for the win.
Winner: James Storm
This match provided a fabulous backdrop to Josh building up to when he gets turfed.
X Division Title Match: Trevor Lee vs Andrew Everett
Trevor takes a wild swing at Everett, who ducks and starts unloading on Lee. Lee connects with a European uppercut, but Everett catches him with a Pelle kick. Trevor rolls out to the floor, so Everett hits a somersault dive, then a twisting moonsault over the ropes. Everett follows that up with an Asai moonsault to the floor, then he rolls Lee into the ring and goes for a springboard something, but Lee dodges and then hits the moonsault powerslam while Josh talks about how these guys remind him of himself during his in-ring career. Lee repeatedly stomps Everett’s head, but Everett flips through on a German suplex attempt and boots Lee in the face. Everett with a springboard dropkick, but he’s too tired to make a cover. Helms is watching intently from ringside as Everett kips up, then hits a series of running forearms. Everett with a NASTY Frankensteiner, but Helms distracts the ref when Everett goes for the cover. Everett goes after Helms, then goes back to the ring, goes up top, goes for the shooting star press, and…Lee gets the knees up and cradles Everett with a handful of tights for the win.
Winner: Trevor Lee
This was the best X Division match I’ve seen in a long, long time. It’s amazing what happens when they let the guys go out there and do more than just one spot after another.
Back to the Hardy Compound, where Brother Nero goes face to face with Vincent Van Gogh, who is literally a mule (obsolete, apparently). He has a run-in with the “Dolly Llama”, but then he has a PREEMONESHUN that the whole platoon must go…now! Brother Nero returns to the family and tells them that they have to go right now to continue the Expedition of Gold. This time, the whole gang grabs onto Vanguard-1 and disappears as we go to commercial.
We’re back…and the Seven Deities have teleported the Hardys to a flea market. Brother Nero says his Jeffervescence is…something with the market of flea, and Matt says that at least they didn’t get teleported to a BINGO HALL. They go outside where a bunch of fans are DELETEing at them as they walk into a wrestling show to look for the tag team champions of this territory.
Bobby Lashley and Josh Barnett are backstage, and they’re…WARMING UP! They’ll face off in the main event tonight!
Back to the flea market, where the Hardys have found THE PROMOTER, and they must face their champions tonight for the National Tag Team Champions of the world. The PROMOTER already has challengers who won a 64 team tournament for the title shot, and he can’t take that away from them. Matt asks what happens if they’re unable to compete? Meanwhile, Senor Benjamin finds the challengers, tricks them into thinking he wants their autograph, then he zaps them with a taser. A flunky tells the PROMOTER that the challengers are injured, so the Hardys think this is WONDERFUL since now they can challenge for the title. The PROMOTER says he doesn’t have the budget to pay them, so Brother Nero gets right up in his face and says, “Money…is for MARKS!” The PROMOTER says they have the match, and the Hardys find the champions and inform them that they are their new challengers.
We go to the arena, where the Hardys now challenge the Ecktourage for the MCW Tag Team Title. Kevin Eck threatens to knock Senor Benjamin out, but it’s just a distraction because a couple of other guys (are those the challengers that Senor Benjamin tased? I dunno) bring Brother Nero out to the flea market and beat the crap out of him there while Matt gets double teamed in the ring. The other guys stick a trash can on Jeff’s head and get ready to bash him with chairs, but Brother Nero disappears. They look around for him, and don’t see Brother Nero and Senor Benjamin walk up behind them with fireworks launchers. Jeff says this market of fleas is about to have a FIRE SALE! The guys run out of the building as Brother Nero and Senor Benjamin chase them while firing off the fireworks, then Brother Nero comes back to the ring to help Matt out. They hit Poetry In Motion, the Twist of Fate, the Swanton, and make the cover to claim another tag team title.
Reby and King Maxel come out to join the party and everyone celebrates…even Vanguard-1! Then the Hardys suddenly vanish while the press is taking pictures of them.
Drew Galloway finds Moose backstage and says he knows everyone has been saying that he’s trying to duck him, but he’s tired of hearing that. He’s been traveling the world trying to make the title mean something, but if Moose wants another shot, he can meet him out there in ten minutes.
We see a video package of the history between Braxton Sutter and Allie leading into last week’s wedding where they finally got together to the dismay of Maria and Laurel Van Ness. Then we go to…I dunno, that lady who does internet stuff for TNA. She finds Laurel backstage, still in her wedding dress, still drunk, and saying her daddy spent SO much money and now it’s all ruined. The interviewer lady says it’ll be all right, and Laurel starts singing “The sun will come out…tomorrow…” before saying that she hates Allie and Braxton, but insists that she’s fine.
Grand Championship Match: Drew Galloway vs Moose
The bell rings to start the first round, they trade blows, and Galloway gets a big knee to the midsection. Josh is back to putting himself over for recuperating from his earlier attack, but I’ll pay attention to the match for this one, as they go to the floor where Drew continues the assault. Moose reverses a whip and sends Drew into the ringpost, but Drew is quickly back on the offensive with a big boot, then he drops Moose on the barricade. Drew carries Moose onto the steps and hits a Celtic Cross on the steps. YEOWCH! Drew rolls back into the ring, but time runs out before the ref can count Moose out.
The judges give the first round to Drew Galloway on a split decision. Really? We’re at commercial.
We’re back, and they’re already trading shots before Moose runs Drew over with a big shoulderblock. Moose with a pop-up powerbomb and a senton, followed by a springboard moonsault out of the corner for 2. Josh complains about millenials while Drew tries to escape up the entry ramp, Moose goes after him, brings Drew back to the ring, and Drew gives Moose a death valley driver on the ring apron, and then Moose responds with a powerbomb onto the apron. They both lay out on the floor until time runs out.
Moose wins the second round on a split decision, and they go after each other as the third round starts and lay each other out. Drew recovers first and puts Moose on the top rope, he goes up after him, Moose knocks Drew into the Tree of Woe, but Drew sits up and hits a spider suplex. Drew goes for the Claymore, but Moose ducks and picks Drew up, powerbombs him into the corner with such force that he nearly goes over the top, pulls Drew back in, and hits a roaring clothesline for 2. drew hits a low blow when the ref wasn’t looking, goes to the eyes, hits the Claymore, and follows that up with a Tombstone for 2. We’ve got less than a minute left as Drew goes for the Future Shock DDT, Moose blocks, they trade right hands, Moose comes out on top, Drew hits another Claymore, Moose is right up and he hits a Gamechanger, and both men are laid out as time runs out.
It’s going to the judges! The first judge goes for Drew, the second goes for Moose, and the third judge finds for…the NEW Grand Champion, Moose!
Winner and NEW Grand Champion: Moose
The first time the title changes on a split decision, and Josh disputes it, saying that Drew got robbed. Drew grabbed the third judge by the tie, but lets him go, picks upthe judge’s chair, and throws it all the way up the ramp.
We see a video package about Josh Barnett, who will challenge for the World Championship…after this commercial break!
We’re back, and it’s…MAIN EVENT TIME!
World Title Match: Bobby Lashley vs Josh Barnett
Josh says that Barnett used to fight for PRIDE and “PANCREAS” before sighing and informing us that we have to suffer through another ring introduction by Jeremy Borash. Lashley shoots in on the legs, Barnett sprawys and goes to an overhook and uses it for a hiptoss. He has a head and arm tied up, but Lashley gets free and we wind up back at neutral. Lashley shoots in again and takes Barnett down with a double leg, he gets a waistlock but Barnett pops the hands and fires off a series of kicks and a leg lariat, then goes back to the head and arm. They’re too close to the ropes, so Barnett goes to an armbar, but Lashley reverses to a full nelson and hits Uncle Slam for 2. Lashley hammers Barnett with right hands as we go to commercial.
We’re back, and Lashley is still working Barnett over, hammering him with forearms in the corner and then choking him. Barnett fires back with kicks, but Lashley flattens him with a big elbow as Josh mocks Pope for stepping up to Lashley last year and getting his ass kicked. Lashley goes for a cross armbreaker, but Barnett locks up on that and sits out. He catches Lashley with a running palmstrike, but Lashley ducks a second one and counters to a rolling neckbreaker. Lashley goes for the spear, but Barnett rolls through, hits a series of open hand strikes, and goes for a cross armbreaker. Lashley makes it to the ropes to force a break, so Barnett unloads with kicks and goes back for the Kimura lock. Lashley takes Barnett to the corner and fires a series of knees into his ribs, but Barnett pops Lashley over by the arm and goes back to the Kimura. Lashley powers out of it, gets to his feet, Barnett has a waistlock, Lashley gets free, unloads with right hands, Barnett fires back, knocks Lashley silly with a kick to the head, but Lashley rolls over him with a clothesline, and hits the spear for the win.
Winner: Bobby Lashley
Well, the match sucked, but didn’t really expect much out of Barnett. Pope says the new owners are going to be here next week, and Josh can’t wait!