Thursday, June 29, 2017

Impact Wrestling Results - Jun 29, 2017

We start off with a video package hyping Slammiversary this coming weekend, then we go...BACK TO INDIA! Jeremy Borash and Bruce Prichard are in the ring with a table full of contracts, and we see contract signings for the Rosemary-Sienna title unification match, the Richards-Edwards mixed tag in Full Metal Mayhem, the strap match between EC3 and James Storm, and last but not least, the title unification match between Alberto El Patron and Bobby Lashley. Everyone except the ladies stay out there for each successive signing, but hostilities finally boil over at the end, so Bruce makes an eight man tag for tonight's main event!

We see Kongo Kong walking the streets of Mumbai earlier today, then we go to Swoggle getting geared up for his streetfight against Spud tonight. Spud is also getting ready, and nervously glances at the ambulances behind him.

We go to Josh and Borash at the announce area, and Josh remarks on how nervous Jeremy looks. We see a video package of the recent history between Low Ki and Sonjay Dutt, then we go to the ring for our opening match...

Trevor Lee & Low Ki vs Sonjay Dutt & Matt Sydal

Sonjay and Trevor Lee start us off, and Lee gets the early advantage before Sonjay snaps off a flying headscissors for 2. Sydal tags in and he and Sonjay tag in and out on Lee for a bit before Lee gets to the corner and tags Low Ki in. Low Ki completely unloads on Sydal, pausing occasionally to talk trash to Sonjay. Sonjay isn't playing that, and all heck breaks loose as he comes in and takes both Low Ki and Lee out, and he and Sydal hit stereo standing moonsaults as we go to commercial.

We're back as Sydal tries a sunset flip on Low Ki and eats a double sotmp to the chest. Sydal hits a leg lariat and makes the hot tag to Sonjay, who cleans house on both men, counters out of a bridging German suplex attempt from Lee, but charges right into a big forearm. Low Ki tags back in and slowly circles Sonjay, takes a cheapshot at Sydal to draw him into the ring, and Lee comes in and blindsides Sonjay. Low Ki swoops right in, but Sonjay quickly gets away and tags in Sydal, who comes in with Meteora on Lee, following by a leaping spinkick to the face. He goes for the Sydal press, Low Ki tries to stop him, but Sonjay knocks Low Ki to the floor and wipes him out with a dive. That clears the way for Sydal to hit the shooting star press for the win.

Winners: Sonjay Dutt & Matt Sydal

Good match, and smart to not have either Sonjay or Low Ki lose the fall here.

We see more footage of DeAngelo Williams training for his in-ring debut at Slammiversary, and now we get to see his debut opponents in action...

Eli Drake & Chris Adonis vs Los Conquistadores Indios

They catch Uno in the ring and work him over real good. Uno fires back with some kicks, then rolls under a wild swing and tags in Dos, who quickly gets his head ripped off by a clothesline from Adonis. This is a squash all the way, and Drake puts one of them away with a Celtic Cross.

Winners: Eli Drake & Chris Adonis

I get why he says it, but I really wish Borash wouldn't say things like "Big win here for Drake and Adonis!" after they squash a couple of goobers.

Mumbai Street Fight: Rockstar Spud vs Swoggle

The referee is a midget too. Won't get any biased officiating there. Swoggle throws some kind of weird, pastel-colored powders in Spud's face, so Spud bashes him in the face with a trash can. Spud sets up a table and rolls Swoggle into the ring, Swoggle tries to knock Spud off the paron and through the table, but Spud boots him in the face and hits the lowest clothesline in history to lay Swoggle out. Spud grabs a mic to tell Swoggle that this is a big man's business, and Swoggle is nothing. He hates Swoggle, the wrestlers hate him, the people hate him, and here's a little secret: HE MEANT TO PULL SWOGGLE'S PANTS DOWN! That fires Swoggle up for about three seconds before Spud just skeeballs Swoggle into the corner. The referee gets in Spud's face, so Spud shoves him on his ass. The referee shoves Spud on his ass, so Spud comes after him and, as the referee crawls under Spud, Spud accidentally pulls his pants down too. That's too much for the referee, who spears Spud, unloads on him with right and left hands, then gets choked by Spud in the corner. Swoggle pulls Spud's pants down, then picks Spud up on his shoulders so the ref can come off the top rope with a Doomsday Device. Out to the apron where Swoggle gives Spud a Celtic Cross through the table and covers for 3.

Winner: Swoggle

This was ridiculous, and hopefully the last of it.

We see another of the Borash-Joseph Park training videos, as Borash waits for Joseph Park to come out of the shower so he can tell him to find his inner monster between now and Slammiversary. He hands Park an Abyss action figure (undoubtedly left over from the Impact Warehouse Office in Nashville) and leaves Park to ponder on that.

Mexican wrestling legend Dos Caras will be in his son Alberto El Patron's corner this weekend at Slammiversary! Alberto talks about his relationship with his dad and everything he did for his sons.

KM, Sienna & Laurel Van Ness vs Braxton Sutter, Allie & Rosemary

Allie goes after Laurel right out of the gate, then the men tag in and KM beats Sutter up a bunch. Laurel howls and hollers from the apron as KM tries to crank Sutter's head clear off, but Sutter gets free and snap suplexes KM into the corner. Rosemary and Laurel tag in, and Rosemary takes the upper hand. All heck breaks loose when everyone winds up in the ring, but Sutter sidesteps and sends KM to the floor, then takes him out with a dive. Laurel hits a Tomikaze on Rosemary, Allie hits a death valley driver on Laurel, Sienna nails Allie, Sienna dodges a mist spray from Rosemary, but Allie hits Sienna with a Codebreaker and then Rosemary hits the Red Wedding on Laurel for the win.

Winners: Rosemary & Allie

Allie gives Rosemary a big hug, then backs off as she realizes she may have just crossed the line. Rosemary smiles and pats Allie on the head, then does the same to Braxton. Well, I guess everyone has different ways of showing affection.

Back to Joseph Park, who tries to find his inner monster, having mental flashes of Abyss, then remembers that his brother Abyss always told him not to worry about relying on old friends. He picks Janice up and starts to lick the nails as we get flash clips of Abyss, and the segment ends with the Scott Steiner action figure laying on the ground where Janice lands right on top of him.

We see a video package showing the history between Bobby Lashley and Alberto El Patron, and then...IT'S MAIN EVENT TIME!

Bobby Lashley, E Singh 3, Davey Richards & Kongo Kong vs Alberto El Patron, James Storm, Eddie Edwards & Mahabali Shera

Shera comes out first and gets his ASS kicked by the heels. The beatdown goes on for like twenty minutes as everyone hits their finish on him, and Shera's partners are nowhere to be seen. Alberto's music finally hits (apparently this is a prerequisite for anyone doing a run-in to make the save these days) after Davey comes off the top with a double stomp to a chair placed over Shera's ribs. Shera is either too hurt to wrestle, or this is a clever way to take him out with an injury angle to keep him from stinking up the main event. Either way, the main event starts after this commercial break!

Shera got hauled out during the commercial, so we're 4-on-3, which doesn't seem to slow the babyfaces down as they trap Lashley of all people in the corner and work him over. EC3 is in the ring next, and now he gets worked over by Storm, who unloads one chop after another before catching him with a back elbow for 2. Eddie tags in and now he gets caught in the wrong part of town, getting worked over by all the heels. That doesn't last long before making a tag out to Storm, who quickly finds himself on the receiving end of a 4-on-1 corner beatdown from the heels. Hot tag is finally made to Eddie, who winds up BACK in peril as we go back to commercial.

We're back, and Eddie is in trouble...until he suplexes Davey and makes a hot tag to Alberto. The ref didn't see it, however, because E Singh 3 was distracting him, so Eddie's stuck in the ring for a bit more. Lashley sends his crew to take Alberto and Storm out, but here comes Mahabli Shera! He destroys the entire heel team, gives Lashley an AA, dodges a charge from Kong, and bodyslams the big man. He makes a cover, but Lashley breaks it up at 2. Lashley goes for a powerslam, Alberto blind tags himself in, and lays Lashley out with a superkick. Alberto and Shera sit Kong on the middle rope, Alberto comes off the top with a double stomp to Kong's chest, and that's all she wrote for the big man.

Winners: Alberto El Patron, Mahabali Shera, James Storm & Eddie Edwards

And that's it...Slammiversary is this Sunday, and we'll have live coverage of the event!


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