Thursday, December 15, 2016

TNA IMPACT WRESTLING, TOTAL NONSTOP DELETETION RESULTS - DEC. 15, 2016

We start with our usual disclaimers from Senor Benjamin and Vanguard-1, then we go to the Hardy Compound where Reby is playing the piano by the Lake of Rejuvenation as BROKEN Matt, Brother Nero, and Senor Benjamin prepare the battlefield for deletion and King Maxel explores the inside of the ring. We then go to a special news report from WCAM-TV who tell us how death and destruction is perfect for the holiday season. The news goes on location where a volcano has formed on the Hardy Compound and Itchweeed is running amok with his weedwacker.

We go to the Dome of Deletion (which Matt's barn has been transformed into) as the BROKEN Hardys and Senor Benjamin come out to welcome the fans to the show. Matt says "DELETION...I knew you'd come!" He informs us that the entire city of Charlotte has been shut down by the State of North Carolina because APOCALYPTO IS UPON US! They have to prove that they're the greatest tag team in all of space and time, and the heir to his throne, King Maxel, will be making his in-ring debut tonight. Rockstar Spud interrupts, and Matt tells him he's a man worthy of deletion, but Spud says he's definitely not getting deleted tonight because he's sick of both of them, their gardener, their drone, his wife, and most of all his son getting all of his television time. He's a former two-time X Division Champion, a future World Champion, and he came down here to get his stinking kid gone. The fans in attendance chant for Maxel, and Spud says he's already more over than he's ever been. He's going to make that greenhorn a loser, and Matt asks Spud if he wants to be Maxel's first ever opponent, and Spud says he does, so as the all-powerful promoter of Total Nonstop Deletion, he can sanction that. Spud says he'll carry Maxel and make him look good so Matt can be like all other promoters and push him to the moon after he's gone. Matt asks a licensed official to come to the ring, and Matt tells the referee that this will be a no disqualification match. Matt tells everyone to stand and praise King Maxel! Maxel comes out in his little black buggy with Reby in tow, and he does DELETE DELETE DELETE! while Senor Benjamin sneaks up behind Spud and zaps him with a taser. The bell rings...

Rockstar Spud vs. King Maxel

Maxel covers Spud and the referee counts three.

Winner: King Maxel

The crowd chants for Maxel, and then we see Disco Inferno backstage saying he's glad it wasn't him this time, then asks if anyone wants to play some poker.

Bobby Lashley arrives at the Hardy Compound in his sweet ride, then Eddie Edwards comes out of the woods to arrive at the Compound as well. They'll face off for the TNA World Title tonight!

We're back with WCAM-TV news, who tell us about how the police have cordoned off the city and are letting nobody in or out. The on-site reporter is standing by the roadblocks and tells Gregory Helms and the Helms Dynasty that they can't come through. She says there's a natural disaster in there, and Helms says he's an expert at that sort of thing and drives on through.

The Rock N Roll Express arrives at the Hardy Compound, and Matt is delighted that they're here for Apocalypto. Ricky Morton says they're here to prove they're the greatest tag team of all time, and Matt offers them green beans. Ricky says God loves crazy people, that's why they made so many of them.

Sienna is in the ring and says she came here looking for Rosemary, but she's been permanently banned from the Hardy Compound for trying to kidnap King Maxel. So instead, Sienna issues a challenge to anyone who will face her for the #1 contendership for the Knockouts Title. The challenge is answered by...Vanguard-1! The referee won't let Vanguard-1 fight Sienna, and ejects him. Vanguard-1 says YOU CAN'T TOSS ME BRO, but he leaves without incident. Sienna, apparently not digging interspecies matches, says she will face any PERSON, and tells the referee to start counting. Oh look, ODB pops out of a trailer out back swigging on her flask! So instead we get...

Sienna vs. ODB

ODB unloads on Sienna with a series of chops, but Sienna drills her with a big shot and hits a Samoan drop for 2. ODB drives Sienna into the corner and connects with a series of forearms, floors Sienna, and hits a bronco buster. ODB hits a Thesz press off the second rope for 2, nearly bumps the ref, but dodges a charge from Sienna, and Sienna plows over the referee instead. Sienna big boots ODB and then goes for a chair, ODB ducks a swing and shoves the chair in Sienna's face, knocking her out. ODB makes a cover, and Vanguard-1 comes back out and he's in REFEREE MODE! He counts 2, but the original ref drags Vanguard-1 out of the ring and tells him that he's the one wearing the referee shirt. Sienna hits the Silencer and makes a cover, and the original referee comes back in and counts 3.

Winner: Sienna

This whole show is just totally different. I don't even know what to think about the drone doing a run in. ODB picks him up off the mat and rubs it in her boobs, which we see from Vanguard-1's camera perspective.

The Helms Dynasty finds Matt Hardy backstage, and Helms says this is going Alpha to Omega and this is all going to end where it began: in the ring. Matt calls his scribe and says that they will reincarnate someone tonight at the Lake of Reincarnation, and it will be the most appalling reincarnation EVAH!

Itchweeed is outside, and he's...WEEDWACKING! He'll make his in-ring debut NEXT!

Itchweeed vs Chet Sterling

Itchweeed works Sterling over as Josh and JB talk about how the Hardy Compound is on a fault line and the whole place will be swallowed in a cataclysm if the Hardys don't retain the TNA World Tag Team Title tonight. Itchweeed puts a sleeper on Sterling, and he falls asleep as well. They both beat the count and trade shots, and Itchweeed hangs Sterling over the second rope and drills him in the face with a dropkick, which Josh calls the 919. Itchweeed comes off the top rope with an elbow for the win.

Winner: Itchweeed

Itchweeed gets his weedwacker after the match and chases Sterling off with it. Interesting character!

We flash back to the BROKEN Hardys visiting Matt's zoo, and Brother Nero sparring with Smokin' Joe Frazier, then it's time for our World Title match!

TNA World Title Match: Eddie Edwards vs Bobby Lashley

Lashley jumps Eddie before the bell and stomps him out in the corner, then unloads with a series of hard forearms. Eddie tries to fire back, but Lashley flattens him with a crossbody and then an elbowdrop. They brawl outside the ring and Lashley razzes the fans, so Eddie gets them to hold him so he can dish out some free chops. Lashley gets away and goes back into the ring as we go to commercial.

We come back just as Lashley rips Eddie's head off with a clothesline, then hits a neckbreaker for 2. Lashley puts the boots to Eddie and chokes him with his boot, then he goes for a delayed vertical suplex, but Eddie reverses to a Blue Thunder Bomb. Lashley turns it right back around, popping Eddie up and hitting Snake Eyes. Lashley goes for a superplex, but Eddie knocks him off and connects with a missile dropkick. Eddie dodges a charge and Lashley sails out to the floor where Eddie takes him out with a dive through the ropes. They go back inside and Eddie hits a shining wizard for 2, but misses the top rope double stomp. Lashley gets a big clothesline and flattens Eddie with a Dominator for 2.

Lashley sets for the spear, Eddie sidesteps, Lashley goes to the second rope, but Eddie hits an enziguiri that sends Lashley tumbling down to the floor. Eddie goes for a Frankensteiner off the apron, but Lashley catches him and powerbombs him into the crowd, taking out at least five or six of them. Lashley dumps Eddie over the rail into the entryway and continues the assault, then SPEARS EDDIE THROUGH THE DOOR! They're both laying on the ground outside as we go to another commercial.

Back from the break. The disclaimer from the opening of the show is read by Senor Benjamin.... Lashley is on the outside of the arena, still brawling with Eddie Edwards. Josh Mathews and Jeremy Borash cue to the start of Tag Team Apocalypto. No word is that last match has ended or not. Presumably it's a no contest but who knows. Action News returns as a prelude to Tag Team Apocalypto.

Tag Team Apocalypto For The TNA World Tag Team Title

Okay, so this starts inside the Dome of Deletion, and will work elimination style until one team is left standing. Matt invites every team in space and time to face the BROKEN Hardys, and we start off with the BROKEN Hardys, the Rock N Roll Express, the Helms Dynasty, and Decay. Once everyone has made their entrance, everyone who isn't competing is asked to evacuate the property, and the building fills with smoke and sirens to drive the point home. Everyone leaves and the match starts. Eddie and Lashley are still fighting outside as Matt tells the Rock N Rolls that they were all teen heartthrobs at one time, but now it's time to show those guys that they still have that fire. He hands Brother Nero, Ricky, and Robert fireworks and they shoot them at the Helms Dynasty and Decay. Helms tells his boys it's time to get the hell out of here, and they jump into Helms' pickup truck. They don't leave quick enough, because Matt is in the back of the truck and starts beating both Lee and Everett up as Helms pulls away. Brother Nero hops on his dirt bike and tells the referee to get on, and the ref says he doesn't have a helmet, so Jeff says "This is Apocalypto, you don't need a helmet!" Well, can't argue with logic like that. Matt is still brawling with the Dynasty, and while all this is going on, a horde of indy guys are waiting at the gates to get ahold of Decay. The Hardys catch up with the Helms Dynasty just before they go past the Cameron city limits while Decay beats up the indy guys. The Bravado Brothers show up and ask Spud if they're in the right place, and then we go to the middle of town where the Helms Dynasty and Decay are brawling outside an antique store. Decay beats up more indy guys, then the Hardys and Helms Dynasty are brwaling by the tracks as a train goes by. The Bravados sneak past Decay as they're beating up other indy guys, and Abyss does a Negan job on someone with a giant rock, leaving Spud as the only one left outside the gate. Spud says his partner's coming and he's a lot bigger than Abyss, and they have no idea what's coming. Spud says he's here, and it's...someone we'll see after this commercial break!

We're back, and the Hardys are brawling by the Lake of Reincarnation, and Lee almost gets a fall on Matt, but Skarsgard (the dilapidated boat) breaks the count, so the Helms Dynasty beats the piss out of the boat...not realizing Matt is standing behind them. He asks how dare they desecrate the honorable Skarsgard, and tells Helms he needs a change of Mattitude and shoves him into the lake. Matt turns around and asks the Lake of Reincarnation how they could create such a revolting result, and we see Helms in full on Three Count attire! He dances with the Helms Dynasty, then Helms says they're not Shannon and Evan, they were way better than Lee and Everett! The Bravados run in and go at it with the Helms Dynasty, leaving the Hardys free to go at it with the Rock N Rolls in the ring set up next to the volcano. Meanwhile, Eddie and Lashley are brawling somewhere, and then a referee comes out of hte port-a-potty just in time to see the Bravados and Helms Dynasty going at it. The Helms Dynasty escapes into the Dome of Destruction, so the Bravados follow them in and get sneak attacked by Lee and Everett. Back to the ring by the volcano, as Brother Nero and Ricky face off on top of a pair of cranes as we go back to commercial.

We're back, and Brother Nero tells Ricky Morton it's time for the Night of the Skywalkers. They trade shots on the cranes as Matt and Robert battle below, and then they clear out after a spinning toehold spot and Matt elevates Ricky all the way as high as the crane will go. Back in the Dome of Destruction, the Bravados hit a double team springboard Ace Crusher on Lee for 2. Brother Nero leaps off the crane to go for a Swanton on Robert, but Robert moves out of the way, so Matt hits Robert with the Twist of Fate to eliminated the Rock N Roll Express. Ricky yells to let him down as Matt tells Brother Nero that he's a spot monkey and asks if he's okay. Matt welcomes Ricky to the darkness and the Hardys leave as Ricky calls him a BROKEN son of a bitch and asks him to let him down...please. Back to the Dome of Destruction as Spud and his partner...Hornswoggle. Spud comes in and eliminates the Bravados, then Horswoggle comes off the top rope with a Tadpolesplash and lets Everett cover him. Bravados, Spud & Hornswoggle, and the Rock N Roll Express are all eliminated at this point, for those keeping track. Lashley and Eddie are still fighting in the weeds somewhere, then we go back to Ricky, who is still on top of the crane when...Road Warrior Animal shows up! He asks what Matt Hardy has gotten him into now, then we go back to Decay at the gates as the DCC, all twenty of them, show up at the gate and go after Decay. Some trucker guy shows up and Decay lays him out and covers him for 3, and the referee says that the DCC are out. James Storm portests that they don't even know who this is, but the referee says they're gone, so Storm superkicks the guy and walks off. Decays says it's time for the feast to begin as we go to commercial.

We're back, and the Hardys, Decay, Eddie Edwards, and Bobby Lashley are all going at it when the volcano erupts! We go to the newsroom, where our intrepid reporter tells us that the Land of Deletion will collpase if the Hardys don't prove themselves the greatest tag team in all of space and time, then we go back to the Hardy Compound where Hurricane Helms shows up. Brother Nero gives Steve a Twist of Fate, Abyss chokeslams Nero, then he gets ahold of Janice. Nero gets ahole of a firework, but Steve fights him off, then Vanguard-1 shows up and shoots fireworks at Abyss from the air. Abyss fires back at him, and the exchange continues until we cut to the Helms Dynasty (who I guess I forgot were still in the match) coming after Matt with shovels, but then Hurricane shows up and stops them, and Matt says he's happy to see him back on the side of the light. Matt and Helms start shoveling dirt onto Lee and Everett, and Matt tells Helms that even the man with three H's would be proud of the way they buried these promising young talents. Lashley lays Hornswoggle out and then Eddie dives off the porch onto him as Vanguard-1 lights up the lawn with a firework, trapping Brother Nero, Abyss, and Crazzy Steve inside a giant flaming Hardy symbol. Matt joins them and all four men brawl until the fire dies down enough for them to make their way out of the fiery inferno. Abyss and Matt go back into the ring, and Abyss goes for Janice as Steve and Brother Nero fight on the volcano. Matt goes low on Abyss and gets ahold of Janice, and he buries it in Abyss' midsection as Steve mocks Brother Nero on the volcano. He tells Nero he will render him obsolete, but Nero hits a Twist of Fate and sends Steve plummeting into the volcano, which erupts and sends Steve hundreds of feet up in the air, finally, falling to the mat with a big THUD, allowing Matt to cover him for the win.

Winners: The BROKEN Hardys

Matt and his family say that the Land of Deletion has been almost completely destroyed, but the six members of House Hardy will rebuild. Reby says it's actually seven, and Matt says, "You're pregnant? WONDERFUL!" We get a final aerial shot as we call it a night.

This show was something else, and the sheer artistic value alone has to put this in the running for Show of the Year, no doubt about it. Big thumbs up.

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